Aujourd Weed….Man!

Another repeat post that I felt needs a reboot. Sorry, dealing with a family issue……………………SJ!

According to the UN, there are just 30 more days until the Maldives disappear due to Global Warming and Climate Change

Maldives today

Image result for pics of the maldivesBe scared, be very, very scared………………………….of the UN!

 

The new, old TV program, “The Good Doctor” has been given a full season…great, can’t wait. Is this “The Good Wife’s” offspring or a regurgitation of “Dougie Hauser, MD.” C’mon guys get original here. We are not stupid. I pray for a miracle continually: “Please God give us back “Breaking Bad” and we’ll give you “The Good Doctor.”

New Canadian $20 coin honouring “snowflakes” everywhere. Millennials should buy this up fast. But snow is white. It is white privilege I tell you.” Shame on you Canada. Change the name immediately to “blow.” At $20 a crack, This Blow Matters.

News Flash: “New California law allows jail time for using wrong gender pronoun, sponsor denies that would happen. “Yes, Zir, no zir, your shit-bags full zir is zall I have to zay about zat. It is really a German pronoun you know” the government official stated.  A major San Andreas fault event can’t come soon enough. Yes, more on LGBTABCDEFHIJKLMNOPQURSTUVWXYZ stuff as most of northern California is burning.

Washington Post caption to the picture below: “Emissions spew out of a large stack at the coal-fired Morgantown Generating Station on Oct. 10, 2017 in Newburg, Maryland.” Dirty dirty, dirty coal. But you see the two stacks on the right are old stacks, decommissioned, while the one on the left is a new generation scrubber stack which extracts just about all of the dirty stuff. What you see there is clean steam arising. But the environ-mentals will not mention that dirty little secret.

NATO is there to protect Canada if North Korea poses a threat….hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah….Oh, you mean these guys:

Image result for pics of north korean hats

Yeah right and the UN is going to admit that Climate Change was an elaborate hoax. As I remember NATO stands for North Atlantic Treaty Organization. Last time I checked North Korea was nowhere near the North Atlantic. But hey, who am I to judge an organization that is broad on politics but widely illiterate on geography. All Canada needs to do to take out these guys is an effective electron-magnet.

Wow. What’s good for the gander is bad for the goose, or so the saying goes. York school board takes down school’s 43-year-old totem pole after one complaint lodged. Try doing that out here in BC and you will be in for one huge native insur-erection.

Canadian Liberals lied after blowing budget to lecture TRUMP. They meant snow rather than blow but that is so white privilege that they changed the wording somewhat. “Apparently their noses were out of joint,” one official snorted.

Truth and Reconciliation committee announces a $750M payout to Indigenous people who as children were forced out of their family situations to adoption and therefore lost contact with their culture. Truth and Reconciliation is Canadian Liberal code for “the Gift that keeps on giving.” When is this going to end? On the one hand living in an isolated community in an area who’s only claim to fame is the size of the black flies and mosquitos is terrible for youth suicides, drunkenness and domestic violence, while on the other hand taking them away from this toxic environment is akin to genocide and a blatant attack by racist governments on their culture. It is a win, win situation for the Indigenous people and a lose lose situation for the government of any day, today and for generations of governments to come….Geesh.

Death of the “Energy East Project” puts New Brunswick’s economy at risk. Who or what is a New Brunswick? They manufacture pool tables don’t they? They have an economy? They’re liberal are they not? End of story. But they do have Quebec’s raw sewage to contend with. “Shit happens man and it flows downstream to the place of least resistance – New Brunswick. From one liberal shit riding to another. Who cares?” a Liberal insider was heard to comment on the situation.

Angela Merkel won again. Someone said she is far right. No she is far out man!

Sweden starts a “Death Cleaning” initiative. De-cluttering your stuff before you depart. Wow. I do believe Sweden is twinned with California.

Macron is in big trouble with his constituents. How do you spell France? G…R…E…E…C…E.  Like Greece, French workers are ticked about their 1.5 hour work week. It is too much to ask, s’il vous plate!

 

SJ…..Out……………Bon Jour et aujourd weed to you too…Toke anyone?

Coupe De Gris

Maldives – 32 days and counting, Hey I am just following the UN’s dire prediction from 1988. Everyone believes the UN right?

Image result for pics of maldivesLet’s hope there is a lot of air in that tank. You’ll need it!

Draining the swamp of swampy, swarmy critters. Matt Lauer is now gone. Why? Sexual misconduct allegations. It’s a foreskin conclusion, er, foregone conclusion, a senior staff’s member remarked. We do not put up for this kind of conduct. Meanwhile:

Fallon’s late night ratings dropping like a stone. Colbert passing him. Why? Colbert and others hate Trump and regularly lampoon him on their show. The audience loves it. Then again their target audience captures those dudes in the 18-49 year old age group who are basement dwellers, suck on their parents teats and  who are unemployed. The real audience, the one that really matters, is not watching these shows because they are usually asleep getting sufficient rest prior to next days hard working grind. Besides, I don’t know about you but I do not find Colbert funny at all. No sense of humour. Take away the laugh track and there would be dead silence.

Image result for pics of north korean people celebrating\See, even these guys are happy that the Argos won the Coupe de Gris / Grey Cup

These people? Not so much.

Image result for pics of north korean people celebrating\Wahhhhh. Calgary Lost?? Wahhhhhhhh. Say it ain’t so Bo!

 

The hidden meaning behind Harry’s hand gesture.

a man in a suit and tie standing next to a fence

“Gawd Meghan. Those Tacos are not sitting well.” While the senior royal men look like this with their hands behind their backs:

Image result for Pics of Prince phillip walking with hands behind his back

“Ooooo, that was a good one Harry. Warning next time please.”

 

Slow day today. Happy Wednesday. Or for those of you living in Qatar: Happy Hump Day!

 

SJ…………………………………………Out

 

All Right Now…Baby It’s a…….

Let’s See?

Image result for pics of amldivesWhew! It’s still there. Thought for a minutes the UN was right to predict the Maldives would be underwater by Jan 1 2018. Nope, still there with 33 days to go.

From a post last year. Sorry, posts will be down as I am dealing with a sickness in the family:

Don’t you know:

  1. Climate change is a  feminist movement. Why, because it’s always changing man…..;
  2. Carbon is a transgendered element of the Periodic Table. It is stuck between that borion “B” and that nitrogen-der;
  3. Cow farts and flatulence contributes to Global Warming and is therefore a masculine threat. Why? Because women never, ever fart. And if they do their farts never stink. It must be stamped out immediately. See #1 above;
  4. The other day an activist told me that Archimedes worked for big oil. This was in response to a discussion I had with him that he needn’t worry about major flooding and sea level rising if the Arctic Ice Cap melts
  5. Eureka! The Arctic Ice Cap is not melting. It’s expanding. It must be a feminist movement as well. “Am I getting bigger. Do I look fat to you honey?;”
  6. Global Warming causes hot summer weather;
  7. Global Warming causes cold, frigid winter weather;
  8. Frigidity is a feminist movement and must be stamped out at all costs;
  9. Global cooling is therefore, a feminist threat, and must be met with #3 above;
  10. Under peer review, as temperatures rise the warming effects of global warming will offset the cooling effects of global cooling as a result of the global warming. Got that? Yeah? cool! Chill man, er woman, er ne, ve or ze, er wo…oops…man
  11. Pesticides found in Marijuana! Ban marijuana now before it kills us;
  12. Pot for kids! Ban pot now because you can’t call the kettle back;
  13. Under the new marijuana legislation, every pot has a lid man, er women, er ne,ve or ze!;
  14. Heaven help us if the kids are our future…see #12 above;
  15. Hooray for natural gas…see #3 above.
  16. Liquid natural gas? Well a good dose of Keopectate will take care of that;
  17. Greenpeace and US activists protest First Nation sponsored aqua-culture…What?;
  18. Ne, Ve or Ze are Clockwork Oranges.
  19. Smoking kills but smoking pot is alright now man. It’s out of sight, out of mind, and out of body; and
  20. Thank God that I will be dead soon…see #s 19,14 and 12 above.

Madness!

 

SJ……………………………………..Out

Ice Rinks

Another dire prediction: Russian Orthodox church weighs in: End of history is near, or nigh, or bye bye? What does Bill Nigh have to say:

Image result for pics of bill nigh the science guyNews to me!

Seems Richard Branson is the latest sex guy. From reading it would appear that all he did was admire one of his guest’s breasts, didn’t touch them, then made some sort of grrrrr sound and that was it. Sexual assault allegation for something that occurred 7 years ago. Now, I think what is going on in Hollywood and other places is disgusting but hey guys, stop ogling or you might be next. Geesh. Yeah, I remember vaguely looking at some attractive woman 10 years ago. I am worried sick about it now.

Will be kind of slow over the next few weeks with a repeat of some of my better posts. Sickness in the family. Can’t do much until that is resolved.

Before I go just a quick reminder. Maldives gone in 34 days:

Image result for pics of maldivesLet’s partay!

Argooos win Grey Cup or in case you missed it:  Coupe de Grey – it’s Canada after all. Not bad for a team that went 9-9. Unbelievable but then again this is the CFL.

Let’s see now: Friday was “Black Friday,” Today is “Cyber Monday” so tomorrow it will be “Tapped Out Tuesday.” Can’t wait.

I think Ottawa is tapped out now:

skating rink

Parliament Hill ice rink cost us $5.2M bucks. And it’s only open for a few weeks then closed. Oh, and there are so many restrictions in its use to be laughable: no eating, no drinking, no shinny, no twirlings, no power skating, no hockey, no skating hand in hand, no walking, no sliding, falling is prohibitive. You have to reserve a spot 48 hours in advance of your use, huge security checkup in the same vein as airport security and guess what? In typical government fashion, skate blades are a banned item when going through security so……………………….NO SKATING ALLOWED. Only in Canada you say….shitty.

And, as only a government agency can do, I can’t wait to see how they are going to screw up marijuana use. Don’t worry, some guy said, “The government ice skating rink oversight board members were all stoned when they came up with this one and made the rules. We believe in inclusivity. We were all stoned. Not just one or two of us. All of us! Diversity is our strength, don’t you know.”

Probably turn out to be hashish!…………..Geesh

Meanwhile, across the street and down a block or two, the City of Ottawa has this:

Image result for pics of rideau canal skating

Largest outdoor skating rink in the world…FREEEEEEEEEE.

“Yes,” an official was heard to say. “But we love redundancy hence the parliament hill ice rink.”

We are doomed, screwed and tattooed. Yes they, the government, has an app for that too. But it will cost you.

Few pointers for your consideration:

  • Science is all about white privilege;
  • Snow is a good example of white supremacy;
  • Mount Blanc will have to change its name as it is a trigger;
  • Archimedes works for Big Oil;
  • A girl scout is suing the Girl Guides for $30M. Girl Guide cookie factories ramping up to 24/7 operations in response;
  • Girl Scouts want to be boy scouts. The Boy Scouts cannot wait for the first sleep-over;
  • Canadian Gov’t increasing annual deficit. Our gov’t doesn’t seem to worry about debt so why should I;
  • While the world is going to hell in a hand basket, Canadian politicians and Human Rights officials want to ban the use of indigenous names – like the Cleveland Indians, Chicago Black Hawks etc. Some politicians even find the Edmonton Eskimo’s football team’s name offensive. To Whom?? They don’t tell us that! But mark my words, Eskimo Pies will be next! Ban refrigerants! Argon! Heck, let’s do away with the entire Periodic Table as it was built by Big Oil;
  • CFCs were banned in the 80s. Now HFCs in the 2016s. KFC is next! After that “Water Vapour” as it is a major factor in the world’s climate, perhaps argon as well;
  • Moon craters forming faster than we thought. Caused by Solar Warming. In response, President Obama directed the Federal Government to come up with a plan to deal with “space weather” to mitigate the increase in moon crater formation. UN calls for first MOP conference to deal with this important development – Moonbats of Parties – to be held in Las Vegas later this year. Cost will be in the gazillions!

Happy Monday

Argoos win Coupe de Gris or Grey Cup. Only in Canada would one have a sports title like that.

 

SJ……………………………………….Out

Home is Where the Heart Is

From an earlier post. Back Monday. See ya…….SJ

Back in the day my employment prospects, while numerous, were never really career worthy. So in between jobs, or between a period of steady employment I would sometimes hit the road and do some travelling. My first bit of travel occurred just after working for A.C. Wickman. While working there polishing the fat wide ends of the tiny drill bits I was let go just one day before my three month probation period ended. All of us rookies, who had all started at this factory on the same day, were all released, terminated, let go, made redundant, superfluous, surplus, unused, outmoded, unnecessary….fired. It didn’t matter how or why or what you said to describe your circumstances, situation or bit of bad luck.
It all meant the same damn thing. Pogey! And how I love that word redundant! Code for fired. A nice English bit of linguistic mumbo jumbo, confusion-speak to tell someone that they’re sacked.

“You’re being made redundant” someone once told me. Great! I thought I was getting a promotion.  Redundant… wow.

 

I decided to head to the west coast. By train! The Transcontinental…all the way and all by myself. Well not really by myself when I got there as my penultimate oldest sister was shacked up with a Japanese fellow. Her best girlfriend, my next door neighbour’s daughter, was also out there. You see, this was 1968, the year after the summer of love. Yet 1966-69 was, in reality, the longest summer of love in history. And “go west young man” was really hippie-speak for the wider, greener pastures of acid rain, or West Coast Bud. And I could stay with them until I got settled.

“Why not just stay here and be a stoner” someone once said. “Why go all the way out there?”

“Well, man, sunsets are really, really weird out there.” another answered.

“How so?” they queried. “You can’t see them anyway cause it’s always raining out there.”

“Well man… because man, it’s like, wow man, out of site…but there is no land anywhere west of there. Don’t you think that is sooo cool. Soooo out of site. Land I mean. You can’t see any land man. It’s out of site”

“Well yes” they thought of this stupid idiot. “Land is out of site west of there cause it’s all Pacific ocean from there on in.  Until you hit Japan.”

“Japan? Like wow man! Japan? Really? Man, that is so weird, so cool, that is so profound man.”

Good gawd I thought. The future of mankind!

 

My parents were fine with this although they were entirely tuned out of the reality of the drug culture. Unbeknownst to them they were letting their young son, at 17, to hit the long and winding, purple hazed road of personal freedom. I can say this now, looking back on those years, but at the time I was scared shitless. I boarded coach on the Transcontinental at the very large cavernous platform of the enormous train station that served my hometown for over a hundred years. I could imagine then and there, at that very moment in time, how the soldiers of the Great War and World War Two felt when leaving the familiarity and warmth of families and loved ones for the trenches of France and Belgium, or the training fields of England, knowing full well that many of them would not be returning to the comforts of home.  Why did I feel this way? Think this way? At this particular moment? I don’t really know but the images of troops on trains in cavernous train stations like this one just seemed to pop into my head for no apparent reason: as if it had been ingrained into my psyche from such a young age that their individual and collective sacrifices paved the way for my very own freedom of choice at this very moment in time. And, as I was waving goodbye to my parents just as the Transcontinental was slowly leaving the station, I could almost see or visualize the spectres of long lost souls roaming about this very station looking for and finding, waving goodbye to their friends, their families and their loved ones for the very last time, for eternity. These willowy images dissipating slowly like some afterthought in a mist of memory in the stillness of time.

 

It took over three days to reach the coast. I was dead tired as it was extremely difficult to sleep in coach. The scenery for a young lad was extremely boring. Trees, and lakes; trees and lakes; the occasional hill covered with trees then more lakes with trees around them. Muskeg, Muskox and Muskrat – it was rather musky out there with a lot of musky critters running or scampering through the musky forests of trees and lakes and streams. Then more trees and more lakes and more trees and… trees.  Finally, no more trees.  Just flat grassland. A sea, no an ocean of grass. More grass, then a lake, maybe a river bounded by grass on all sides, but no trees, just grass. As far as the eye could see. Grass! Sometimes a small rise would come into view, a small hill covered with grass. I dreamed of grass, of trees, of lakes, of grassy knolls. It was weird man and I was no stoner.

 

Finally hills, as barren as Sister Mary Bernice, my grade school principal, morphed into bigger hills which transformed into very large hills with deep, deep valleys. Valley’s covered with trees. The mountains, the Rocky Mountains: all the granite one could ever imagine. Most people see these mountains as majestic, beautiful, God’s handiwork, a reflection of his power: the very smallness of mankind in full view when measured against this spectacular backdrop. Yet all I could think of was granite. Enough granite to cover every kitchen counter top on the planet. But wait, that wouldn’t occur for another thirty years. What was I thinking?

Mountains, and more mountains, snow covered, nature’s monuments. Mountain passes that scoured a route for the early explorers: Lewis and Clark, Thompson, Fraser, Carson, DiCrapio, Morrison I thought. Unbelievable! Then darkness. What? These idiot trainers scheduled the very best transit, the transit through the mountains, to occur at night? Dopes! And they called us stoners! Alas, we would arrive at our west coast destination in the morning?  Try to get some sleep I thought but in Coach that was an impossibility.

 

Waking up to a slow moving chugalug train inching its way it seemed into the outer burbs and run-down industrial sites of this so called magnificent coastal city. Magnificent in that it was a large metropolitan area surrounded by the majesty of the coastal mountain range and the Cascades: a nice name for a string of active, dormant and extinct volcanoes.  Think of Mount St Helens, Rainier, Hood, Baker, Shasta and other non descript names for mountains that have the potential of reeking natural havoc, cascading death and destruction on an unsuspecting, unassuming public. These mountainous, frighteningly natural megaliths formed a formidable barrier to the north and east of the city’s metropolis but then offset by the calm waters of the Pacific Ocean bordering its northwest, west and south-western flanks. Only problem with this visual description was the curtain of rain, drizzle and mist that permeated my vision out of the coach’s dirty windows. These titans of nature and the oceanic beauty and seemingly calmness of the Pacific were really just figments of my active imagination in all of this rain, or as a described picture by some nature magazine article I read about the place.

 

My first impressions were not good. I found the outer fringes of this city in disarray: disorganized, third worldly in its ardour and its feel. Low rise buildings of various sizes and shapes with facades of every colour of the rainbow. Ugly purples, grotesque yellows and grim orange decor trims added to this canvass of dirty grey stucco buildings and rusted out arches and gantries of the numerous bridges that spanned the delta of a mighty river.  With the dreariness of the rain and the drabness of the grey skies these colours and contours were transformed and morphed into a visual scene that reminded me of some hippy’s bad acid dream of an undulating kaleidoscope landscape of a barf induced wasteland. When we finally reached the western terminus of this national journey, and could go no further, a young fellow like me could only sigh a sigh of relief that the torturous three and a half day trek in coach was finally over.

 

My sister met me at the station then took me to their abode in the downtown core. They had rented an apartment in the City’s west end, very close to the beach of the British sounding bay with water that was so cold as to render it un-swimmable. One would have an extremely difficult time finding one’s privates after a swim in waters such as this. And who was one anyway? Close to that were funky looking shops and high rise concourses that spread their way along narrow streets, avenues and boulevards toward a massive green expanse of a park that adorned itself with towering trees of old growth forest. But in the rain these towering, magnificent giants of nature were mostly obscured by the fog in the midst of a city that was blanketed for the most part of the year by a canopy of clouds and mist.  With all of this rain the buildings of the downtown core exuded a depressed aura of doom and gloom being grey on the mind, grey on one’s thoughts with an outlook of a grey depressing world in the midst of all of this precipitation.  “But at least it’s not snow, you don’t have to shovel it,” I heard over and over again. Yes, but saying this was really a defensive mechanism on one’s part, a sense of insecurity or rationalization by some idiot who chose, regrettably, to live in such a grey expanse of concrete within what is, in reality, an urban rain forest.  After a few days of this I wondered how anyone in their right mind could live here. The dampness of the place was bone chilling and mould worthy.

But then again I guess home is where the heart is.

 

(c) Shakeyjay 2016

 

*Excerpt from my book: “I Thought I’d Died and Gone to Heaven”

 

SJ……………………………………………Out