Our Sultans of Swing

Thanks for all your thoughts and cards. Appreciated it. The boys and I are doing alright.

 

Hard to get into it today. Buddy of mine sent me this. Thought it was great:

The difference between complete and finished. Is that like the difference between who and whom? No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words.

In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by,
supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.

The final question was: How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.

Here is his astute answer:

When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.

When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED

And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!!!

He won a trip around the world and a case of 25 year old Scotch!

Of course I wouldn’t know about that at all!

 

World leaders are meeting in Davos Switzerland this week to discuss many neat things…like the environment. Oxymoronic don’t you think when Al Gore et al predicted the end of blow…er snow… as a result of global warming…er climate change? Must have been a tad embarrassing arriving at Davos to see this:

“I’m sure he (Gore) said the end of blow…the representatives from Mexico and Columbia snorted. That is racist I tell you, bloody racist.”

Meanwhile

Natural disasters caused more than $300 billion in damage in 2017 and environmental dangers dominate the top risks in the Global Risks Report. Climate change will increase the risks.

No, building homes on flood plains will. Development within arid dry brush areas will. Poor forestry practices will, neglect of critical infrastructure will. Building homes in isolated areas will. 90% of forest fires are caused by humans either deliberately or indirectly….will….So there William!

Participants include: Al Gore, former U.S. Vice-President (of what?); Peter O’Neill, Prime Minister of Papua New Guinea (Who?); Philipp M. Hildebrand, Vice-Chairman, BlackRock (Who?); Hailemariam Desalegn, Prime Minister of Ethiopia (Who?); Hindou Oumarou Ibrahim, Coordinator, Association for Indigenous Women and Peoples of Chad (of Whom?) … all of whom…er who…no whom… are signatories for the implementation of the UN’s climate Change fraud…er fund. Trudeau nodded in agreement. “Hey I’ll raise you $2.5B for that fund.”  “Canadians are so gullible” he whispered into an open mic.

“Yeah, but it’s Canadian dollars you know Justine….” they all laughed when they realized that important fact.

Yeah that’ll do it Al. A who’s who in the climate change world.

 

Will Trump crash this party?

Probably. Expect “America First,” a broadside against unfair trade practices, tough talk toward enemies and a fair bit of bragging when U.S. President Donald Trump speaks at the World Economic Forum (WTF?) next week, according to a range of policy commentators.

You know, standing up for what is right about one’s own country. Just like Germany, France and the Swiss do. America first?

“No bloody way Mutti Merkel touts.  It’s isolationist, racist I tell you. How dare you look out for your constituents. Zat iz not the European vay”

Interesting that Switzerland has been ranked as the best country in the world in which to live…two years running. “Oh, are they part of the EU financial and cultural basket case? No? No?  Can there be a correlation here? Mutti was asked.

“No, no, no ….just move vight along.” she responded.

Meanwhile Trudeau, not to be outdone by Trump, assured the audience at Davos that while Trump acts like the big bad bully he is Canada remains steadfast as a beacon of light and hope in an ever increasing dangerous world. Just look at me folks:

See, even these people agree. Are they laughing at Trump or Trudeau’s new sweater:

Image result for pics of Trudeau's sweatersToo much craziness out there.

Hey I see Canada is now ranked #2 of the best countries in the world in which to live. Switzerland is #1. Nutella beat out Maple Syrup for the second year in a row………..sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

This just in:  A dozen beasts have been disqualified from this year’s Saudi “camel beauty contest” because their handlers used Botox to make them more handsome….I kid you not!

Saudi Arabia bans botox from camel beauty pageant

This latest scandal coming in on the heels of the 2017 Muslim Beauty pageant.

Image result for pics of burkas

During the Burka swimsuit competition the judges were heard to remark. “This was truly a huge challenge as no clear winner emerged.”

Hump day in Saudi Arabia takes on a whole new meaning.

Today’s “Oxymoronic Award” goes to:

At Davos, Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi called for greater international cooperation on issues such as climate change and cited the rise of protectionism as a threat facing the world, presenting a vision at odds with U.S. President Donald Trump’s “America First” approach.

Why do we even listen to these guys anymore?

Oh and the latest Darwin award goes to our new generation of kids:

“YouTube and Facebook are trying to stop the spread of the Tide Pod Challenge, a bizarre and dangerous online craze where teenagers eat laundry detergent packets on camera.”

Heard in passing:

“Gawd, when I was a kid we were so poor that I had to eat my tide right out of the box.”

“Oh yeah? Not me. We were soooo poor when I was a kid that my mom washed my mouth out with a used bar of soap each and every day! So there……….!”

Tune of the day:

I don’t know. Is a Sultan a Muslim elder or a Burka swimsuit competition judge, or what? I just don’t know but this song rocks.

 

Have a wonderful Wednesday.

 

 

SJ……………………………………………….Out

 

 

 

 

 

 

Apple Of My Eye

Thanks for all of your thoughts and concerns. The boys and I are doing okay.

Saw this over the holidays. Our illustrious PM and his brother showing off their “Last Supper” Christmas sweaters. Sweet Justinian!

Now, how about showing off your Muslim sweats guys…Hmmm…or socks?

From the Goracle files comes this: New Ice age caused by global warming. Sleight of hand or what. Yup, Horseshoe falls in mid July, don’t you know.

Or this

What did you do on your summer vacation Al

 

Finally, Tighter Looking Skin For Men [do this daily]

Men are doing this everyday for tighter looking skin. Antifa, BLM are going nuts. Back in the day this would be called – Blackface. Hey, but just change the name or brand, call it male cosmetics, and it’s all okay.

Love this one. I read a very long article over the weekend about what to do during a nuclear attack. I could summarize that whole piece with just one word:  “duck!” oh, and kiss your ass goodbye.

Meghan Markle’s bad seed. I can’t believe this one. Some Brit Journalist has made the claim that when Meghan Markle marries Harry, her bad seed will taint the Royal bloodline. Oh you mean this bloodline:

Image result for crazy pics of prince charles                        or this                     Image result for crazy pics of prince charles

But I always thought that the seed came before the egg!  Harry??? Just saying that’s all.

From the craziness file comes these two nuggets:

It would appear that in Switzerland, in taking the lead from New Zealand, it will now be illegal to boil lobsters while they are still alive due to lobster sensitivities. Heard in passing:

“What do we do now?” A Swiss Sous Chef was want to ask his Sur Chef.

“Take this here hammer Louis, then knock the crap out of it, then throw it into the pot of boiling water. Yup, that’ll do it.  And it’s all legal.”

“Hey, and those flowers there?”;

“Yeah”

“Well we can no longer cut their stems for fear of causing long term flower grief. We don’t want to hurt their feelings…er petals!”

“Geraniums unite, I say WRGM – as in White and Red Geraniums Matter.”

My only question about all of this would be; how will the Swiss enforce and police this one?

 

Heard in passing at an airport somewhere in North America.

“But I don’t want a return ticket to Brussels. One way will do. I have a euthanasia tourist package to Belgium don’t you know. And it’s all inclusive”

Chinese take-out box has a new feature. It’s ideal for the Belgium all inclusive euthanasia tourist packages!

Shithouse comment – Bloggers like me just love Trump. The gift that keeps on giving. Love this: courtesy of Maggie’s Farm:

 

This just in! The double burp! Astronomers have caught a massive black hole letting out a “double burp” after bingeing on hot gas.

Burps, black holeArrows point to the two burps of gas coming from the black hole: the top arrow points to the newer burp and the bottom arrow points to the older burp.

And here I thought it was just another all day long CNN exclusive, listening in on one of Trump’s executive meetings.

BTW, how, on earth, did they measure that?

 

Tune for the day:……………….. Courtesy of You Tube

Prayer for the day:

Please dear Lord. Give us back Peter Ham and we’ll give you Justin Bieber.

 

Have a terrific Tuesday. Great, Homicide Detective is on tonight!

 

SJ……..Burp, Belch..S’cuse me…………………………………….Out

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hallelujah!

Just  like to thank everyone for your thoughts and condolences. Boys and I are doing alright.

Maldives? Well as you know this has been a great interest to me. Back in 1988 the UN predicted that in 30 years, Jan 1st 2018, the Maldives will be underwater due to rising sea levels as a result of climate change. Well, I checked so you don’t have to. On January 1 2018, the Maldives were still there, in all their glory:

Image result for Maldives Sea Level Rise

Nope, still there. Even this guy is still here:

Image result for Maldives Sea Level Rise

“Dear UN IPCC. We are in deep trouble. We are in way over our heads here” the Maldives Minister of Internal Affairs gurgled. “Bring money, fast. We are running out of air, er I mean land.”

Still there, move on. But now the UN has said: “Well we made a mistake. The Maldives will now be underwater by 2100.” There’s that 100 year push into the future again. A time when all of us will be dead so…no dispute. Just give us the money!

Not to be undone by the Maldives, a young woman from the Marshall Atoll in Micronesia has gotten into the act as well, but she has written a poem to the UN to highlight the dangers of rising sea levels:

Roses are Red

Violets are blue

We are in deep Ka ka here

Unless you bring us some dough… dear

AND NOW!

This poem will surely win her the 2018 Nobel Prize for literature. Enough of that…move on.

 

Been monitoring the list of names for this year’s new arrivals…soooo cute

“Chrystel, Christel”…yeah but the spelling is different.

“Moonlaunch”…after Kim Flung Poo of North Korea

“Moonbat”…after New York Mayor “Bill de Blasio,” and do it now before he runs out of your money!

“Moonbeam”…after California Governor Gerry Brown

Number one names for twins:

“Moonbat and Moonbeam”

“Ataboy Endeavours.” I kid you not.

Reminds me of an expression we had in the Navy. Y’know 10 ataboys plus 1 oh F&^K equals zero ataboys.

“Serious Now”…Seriously?

“Precious George” Imagine this poor guy when he turns 18!

Geesh…………..Poor Kids

Mehgan Markel’s dirty habits revealed. When I saw this headline over the holidays I was intrigued. I thought maybe, just maybe. Imagine my letdown when I read she wanted to stop swearing and biting her nails…Geesh, and here I thought this piece of journalistic profound-ity would address something like picking her nose in public and looking at it, or scratching her ass…you know stuff that guys do. Gender equality and all of that. After all it is 2018 you know.

Image result for photos of mehgan markel and harry in public

Heard in passing. “Shit Harry, Jesus H Christ, I am getting so gawd damn tired of this f*&kin waving. My hands are so F*&kin sore.”

Our Prime Minister…looking soooooooo Prime Ministerial. Don’t ya just love it Millennials?

Song for the day  on this Happy Monday:

 

Happy Monday………………………………………SJ Out