Month: July 2018

They Said

I am wife depenbdant so I am behind a day so there are 2 posts: “Au Revoir Netherlands” and “They Said”

“Come to France”they said

”Come for a walk” they said

”Weather’s great” they said

”Fine  temperature” They said

”Take the train” they said

”In Paris” they said.

“It’s cheap”they said

”It, fast”they said.

 

They said,they said….. or so they said.

 

And what do I said?

”I came to France” I said.

”It’s 115 F in the shade” I said

”Sacre Blue” I said

“Or tabernac” I said

“So I get to Paris” I said

”For a king’s ransom”  I said

“At Le Gare de Nord” I said

”I took the metro train”I said

”Busiest in France” I said

”Packed in like stale fromage dans le croissant” I said

”Had a baguette”I said.

”Like biting into concrete”I said

”Tastes like parched papier” I said.

”Waited for a connection to Vezelay… for 3 hours”I said

” Not fast” I said

”15 hours later I arrived in Vezelay” I said

”To walk up 700 meters to my hostel”I said

” So ma sewer. What do you say to that?”I said

“SACRE BLUE” was all they said!

“Tabernac” was all I said in my best Quebecois.  Lucky for me that they couldn’t understand me

 

Au Revoir Netherlands

River Mass, Maastricht

Beautiful Netherlands and all the friends and family of my dear wife Marijke.

The dutch language is very difficult to learn. Try to imagine having a frog in your throat 24/7 and that will give you an idea of how difficult it is to speak Dutch. Much like trying to type on this IPpad. There have been many times when I have wanted to throw this Ipad into the River Maas.

They also have a funny way with words. Take the word Liuk,pronounced “look.” Now I say “look” but the Dutch pronounce it like “Luke”as in the apostle Luke. And that my friends is the Gospel truth. It is also how they call the Belgian, or Belgique, city of Liege. A city at the northern edge of the Ardennes that got literally creamed like a Belgian waffle during the first world war. And “Luke” is also a Dutch word meaning “oooooh,so cute”when describing a something sweet like a cuddly baby or a babbling brook, well maybe not like a babbling brook. But you can see how someone like me can get confused. Although English has its own problems as in nit or knit, but I digress.

So when I am describing Liege,I am not sure if they are looking at me stupid like or think I am a religious zealot of referring to a small child, when all I want to know is how far it is to Liege.

“Oh look”they said.

“ No liege”I said.

”Oh Look” they said.

”Where”I said

“No look,over there” they said.

“Eee gads” I said “So how do I get to Liege?

“Who’s on first?” I thought

Why oh why can’t all people speak the same language?

I mean sitting on an open terrace sipping coffee is a European pastime. So why can’t everyone speak:

“L’espreseronto!”  Groan!

And thats the way it was for 2.5 weeks.

And 32-38 Celcius, 250 % humidity so it felt like the surface of the sun.

Off to France

This Ipda isdrtibniung me cfrdazy. It hasd a spelling minbdof iitsd opwn.. I

Tour de Farce – Final

Ends today-in Paris.

6 hours of sheer excitement. This event is made for CNN. It,s like, like, oh, I don,t know, like watching this:

Oops, wrong photo. No, it,s like watching this:

Stonehenge

just click on the link.

Oops, sorry, wrong photo. I mean this:

Watching 6 hours of the Tour de Farce equates to watching a barn door for 6 hours. And with this, like watching CNN,s coverage of Trump, you can also watch paint dry and grass grow. Just as exciting.

I researched this so you don,t have to.

And after this, European wide world of sports brings you the final match of the intenational darts competition.

This time tomorrow I will be on my way to France, Vezelay.

Just hope the French do not read this post.

SJ……..out.

Dutch Heat Wave

The Dutch solution to their current heat wave.  I want that.

Kill 2 birds with one slurp.

C’mon in. The beers great.

38 degrees here today……………WHO CARES?

Not me!

The other day I commented that  climate change was resposnible for the spike in suicides. Well following along in the same sort of vein comes this:

“Soaring temperatures are giving men ‘summer penises’: Doctors confirm the heatwave is having a positive effect on the size of male genitals.”

Women, and some men, are all smiles at this latest bit of climate news. “ It all boils down to one,s perspective and hold, grasp, on life.” One woman was heard to remark.

Perhaps, but stayout of the pool. Cold beer and alcohol has a debilitating effect on the members of climate change cultists!

 

 

 

Trump or Climate Change

Just read an article over here that suicide rates are increasing due to climate change. “ The heat is on” said one dude here.

Or suicide rates are on the rise due to Trump dyrangement syndrome.

Is that like in bridge,I thought to myself when reading this article in the Dutch magazine. As in clubs are Trump, as in playing too much bridge is causing a correllation between clubs are trump and Donald Trump?

Sacre blue I thought.

No, climate change and Donald Trump are not causing suicide rates to climb. No, no, no.

Watching the Tour de Farce, er France, for hours on end without anything happening will definitely cause one to slit their wrists.

If the French read this post I will definitely be trumped with clubs.

SJ………………out