Au Revoir Netherlands

River Mass, Maastricht

Beautiful Netherlands and all the friends and family of my dear wife Marijke.

The dutch language is very difficult to learn. Try to imagine having a frog in your throat 24/7 and that will give you an idea of how difficult it is to speak Dutch. Much like trying to type on this IPpad. There have been many times when I have wanted to throw this Ipad into the River Maas.

They also have a funny way with words. Take the word Liuk,pronounced “look.” Now I say “look” but the Dutch pronounce it like “Luke”as in the apostle Luke. And that my friends is the Gospel truth. It is also how they call the Belgian, or Belgique, city of Liege. A city at the northern edge of the Ardennes that got literally creamed like a Belgian waffle during the first world war. And “Luke” is also a Dutch word meaning “oooooh,so cute”when describing a something sweet like a cuddly baby or a babbling brook, well maybe not like a babbling brook. But you can see how someone like me can get confused. Although English has its own problems as in nit or knit, but I digress.

So when I am describing Liege,I am not sure if they are looking at me stupid like or think I am a religious zealot of referring to a small child, when all I want to know is how far it is to Liege.

“Oh look”they said.

“ No liege”I said.

”Oh Look” they said.

”Where”I said

“No look,over there” they said.

“Eee gads” I said “So how do I get to Liege?

“Who’s on first?” I thought

Why oh why can’t all people speak the same language?

I mean sitting on an open terrace sipping coffee is a European pastime. So why can’t everyone speak:

“L’espreseronto!”  Groan!

And thats the way it was for 2.5 weeks.

And 32-38 Celcius, 250 % humidity so it felt like the surface of the sun.

Off to France

This Ipda isdrtibniung me cfrdazy. It hasd a spelling minbdof iitsd opwn.. I

Tour de Farce – Final

Ends today-in Paris.

6 hours of sheer excitement. This event is made for CNN. It,s like, like, oh, I don,t know, like watching this:

Oops, wrong photo. No, it,s like watching this:


just click on the link.

Oops, sorry, wrong photo. I mean this:

Watching 6 hours of the Tour de Farce equates to watching a barn door for 6 hours. And with this, like watching CNN,s coverage of Trump, you can also watch paint dry and grass grow. Just as exciting.

I researched this so you don,t have to.

And after this, European wide world of sports brings you the final match of the intenational darts competition.

This time tomorrow I will be on my way to France, Vezelay.

Just hope the French do not read this post.


Dutch Heat Wave

The Dutch solution to their current heat wave.  I want that.

Kill 2 birds with one slurp.

C’mon in. The beers great.

38 degrees here today……………WHO CARES?

Not me!

The other day I commented that  climate change was resposnible for the spike in suicides. Well following along in the same sort of vein comes this:

“Soaring temperatures are giving men ‘summer penises’: Doctors confirm the heatwave is having a positive effect on the size of male genitals.”

Women, and some men, are all smiles at this latest bit of climate news. “ It all boils down to one,s perspective and hold, grasp, on life.” One woman was heard to remark.

Perhaps, but stayout of the pool. Cold beer and alcohol has a debilitating effect on the members of climate change cultists!




Trump or Climate Change

Just read an article over here that suicide rates are increasing due to climate change. “ The heat is on” said one dude here.

Or suicide rates are on the rise due to Trump dyrangement syndrome.

Is that like in bridge,I thought to myself when reading this article in the Dutch magazine. As in clubs are Trump, as in playing too much bridge is causing a correllation between clubs are trump and Donald Trump?

Sacre blue I thought.

No, climate change and Donald Trump are not causing suicide rates to climb. No, no, no.

Watching the Tour de Farce, er France, for hours on end without anything happening will definitely cause one to slit their wrists.

If the French read this post I will definitely be trumped with clubs.


Tour de Farce

I watched the Tour de France today on TV. Now there is an exciting spectator sport if I ever saw one. Like cross country skiing! And what does one call a large group of cyclists anyway? A turd? I mean a group of whales is called a pod, seagulls a flock. So what do we call a group of cyclists? Probably a herd. Okay, watching this herd of cyclists covering about 200 km was as exciting as watching paint dry.

”Paint dry? What is dat? “ My Dutch colleague asked.

“Well, you know, like watching grass grow.” I answered as diplomatically as possible.

”I don,t undertstand dis, paint dry or grass grow.” He looked at me with ascanze – a dumb sort of look on his face.

“Okay I,ll be as diplomatic as I can be.” I replied.


“Sucre blue” he exclaimed in his best Dutch.

“ You mean Sacre Bleu?” I corrected him.

”Dats vat I say, Sucre blew.”

So after 2 hours of watching a turd, I mean herd, of cyclists ride by the announcer comes on to inform us all – with bated breath – that there are only 150 km to go.

“Getting close” I thought to myself – ooooooooo

And what did the man on the street have to say after camping out for over a week on this stretch of a French country road to watch this herd ride by.

”So what do you think?” The French reporter asked.

“Well I have been out here for a week just to see this race!” The spectator exclaimed. And just as he was telling the reporter what he felt the terd, I mean herd, rode by in a flash.

“I missed the herd. I have been here all week.” Damn…..Sacre Blue.”

” You mean Sucre Blewd.” The Dutchman corrected him.

What this really boils down to is that like spectators all over the world they are really hoping and praying that this herd of terds will wipe-out.

Tour de Farce!