Pilgrim’s Life

The Pilgrim’s Life…Part Tw0

Now the modern Pilgrim has all the right stuff: every electronic gadget known to man – gps, cell phone, adapters, solar chargers, radios, IPad, mini laptops, cords and plugs, aviator sun glasses, Columbia fleece vests, Tilley hats and all of the best. These guys and gals are normally gone by the end of the first week because the one thing they forgot to bring are blister bandages.

Off the Pilgrims go en masse: quickly, silently, aggressively with their tick, tick, tick walking sticks. Of course in the minds of all of the Pilgrims is to be the first Pilgrim at the first stop in order to get the best accommodations, and in that best brotherly love Pilgrim spirit….screw you buddy, I am first to go. So in that raptured state of mind and spirit we fly away pumped and focused.

In that best of Pilgrim state of mind we are to begin a spIritual existential (whatever that means) frame of consciousness. To discover one,s self, one,s sense on being, belonging, synchronicity with the universe. Okay, that about takes care of day one but what about the other 44 days. One can only think of one self for so long. I mean things can get boring pretty fast. Well, don,t fret because the “ The Pilgrim,s Life” has thought of everything. In a new book that has just come out called: “ The Pilgrim,s Guide to the Universe” at a special one time offer of 49 euros, you can have it all. Chapter 5 has a list of profound topics that every Pilgrim can use for those profound “ah ha” moments of enlightenment and self discovery. Topics such as:“ So Why Does the Sun Rise in the East and Set in the West? or  “ Is There Really a Man in the Moon?” or  “ Is the Moon Made of Green Cheese or Brie?” and then there is my own personal favourite: “ Why Do Our Eye-Brows Remain the Same Colour When Everything Else Turns Grey?” – topics that are sure to keep you engaged in thoughtful thoughts for your entire pilgrimage. All are very hot topics in today,s complicated unforgiving world.

As the Pilgrim hikes about the French o0r Spanish countryside he or she will face many challenges. How to stay entertained? Well, at one of the Pilgrim training sessions they tell you and show you how to imitate farm animals like cows, roosters, sheep and goats. This will keep you in laughter and those animals confused all of the time during your trek. A real hoot. But the dogs are another matter.  After a few days  Pilgrims begin to smell really, really bad. A slight green hue or aura begins to appear around each Pilgrim. The air around a herd of Pilgrims undulates like the air around hot asphalt. Dogs can sense this and can smell a Pilgrim from miles away. But this is nothing new to the villagers. Going back to the days of the Plague, they know that they must have sufficient warning to hide their children, close their shops and cafes and remain upwind. Their dogs act like pickets such that when a Pilgrim approaches a small town or village the dogs sense a Pilgrim,s prescence and start yelping and barking like dogs in heat. Thus the villagers have enough time to shut down the entire village. And that is why nothing is open when a pilgrim enters a small town, village or hamlet throughout the French countryside. All of the villagers are hiding upwind of the Pilgrim.

Alas, a Pilgrim,s life is a challenging, lonely and frustrating one. Only the chosen few are strong enought to survive the physical and psychological hurdles. But remain strong, positive and purchase the array of Pilgrim self help books and you can be a real life Pilgrim too.

Remember. Pilgrims are only allowed to suffer.

That,s me.. colour my world khaki.

And if you believe in what I have just said then you too are crazy enough to do a 900 km pilgrimage. I can help. Call me!