11 September: Lecteur to ???

??. Today’s mystery village is? Ta….da

CONDOM

I kid you not. I have it on good authority that Condom is twinned with the French village of Mont-Coq that I mentioned a few days back. I kind of knew something was strange when I came across a factory in Condom, which was named “Trojan.” A little further down the main street was another establishment called “Ecstasy.” And a little further down the block was another factory called ” In Your Dreams.” They even had a Chinese restaurant here called “Ho-Hees-Hung .” Wow. What a  place. I love it.

But not a drug store anywhere.

Alexander Dumas lived here. He of Monty Python fame, erm I mean The Three Muskateers  and Artagnan.

The cathedral here is massive. More on that later.

Walked 24 kilometers from Lectour. Left at 6am and broke one of my own cardinal sins by walking in the dark with Honorario from Spain. This guy is a hiker on steroids. I could hardly keep up so when it got lighter out he went his own way and I met up with him later in CONDOM. It was overcast the whole way but with a perfect temp for walking. Honorario is very gruff. I don’t think he has a subtle bone in his body. I think he likes my company but you would never know it.

that is him in the background

Typical conversation with him would go like this:

WHY DO YOU TRY TO SPEAK FRENCH WITH ME?

Well I am just trying to be nice Honorario.

WELL STOP BECAUSE YOUR FRENCH IS TERRIBLE.

Oh ok.

SPEAK ENGLISH ONLY.

Yeah but you are deaf and your English is indecipherable.

WHAT!

WHAT YOU SAY? WHAT? NO, I GO NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO SLOW FOR ME. SO LONG, GOODBYE.

And away he goes at warp speed.

Or at lunch today.

WHY YOU NOT HAVE WINE WITH ME?

Cause I am having a burger so I want to have a beer.

NO BEER. YOU HAVE WINE.

But I don’t want wine. I want a beer.

NO. NO BEER. WINE.

And like the soup Nazi from Seinfeld.

YOU NOT HAVE BEER. YOU HAVE RED WINE – LIKE A GOOD FRENCHMAN OR A SPANISH MAN.

But…but.

YOU HAVE WINE.

And that is about it. And then the exceptional asshole from North Dakota shows up. Thanks Lord.

There is more but not now.

Happy birthday to my sister.