Pitcher Perfect

“Pitch”, he yelled.

“Pitch,” he yelled again.

We all jumped for this was Zal, the Portuguese foreman of the Portuguese team of my uncle’s roofing company. The other team, as there were two, comprised a group of Maritimers who mumbled their way through the day’s work.  I never knew that English was a foreign language until I met this group of Maritimers that summer of 1968 – the hottest summer of the hottest year on record, I do believe.  At least with Zal, when he screamed “Pitch” you didn’t have to say: “What?” Something that was so common with the Maritimers. But Zal only knew one word of English, “Pitch,” maybe two: “Pitch Asshole!” or maybe three: “Pitch, Fuckin Asshole:” the three English words that came to mind whenever one was in earshot of Zal.  You knew what he wanted.

You could never really tell what the Maritime Foreman wanted as his diction and enunciation resembled that of a person with a bagful of marbles in his mouth. I thought it was just him until I met the other members of his crew. They all talked in the same manner: mumbled jumble. As it turned out they all came from the same small fishing village on the rock.  As it turned out again the Foreman, Bob, married Tom’s sister who was only 12 at the time. Tom was married to Bob’s cousin Jillian, 14, who was the sister of Archie, another member of the Maritimer’s roofing squad, who married Katy, “the caper,” a distant relative, as she lived quite the distance away in the next village, which was about 20 miles around the Cape. Which Cape? Don’t really know as they never said anything other than she was a “Caper” from “away” lad, as they called me.

These two crews always worked apart. Zal’s crew was made up of four of his countrymen, thus the Portuguese crew. The Maritimer’s crew consisted of, well, Maritimers, hence the Maritimer’s crew. What was I? I was the go between as I was told to go between each of these crews and help out as best I could.  I was the summer student. The uncle’s er the owner’s nephew: a fact which presented its own set of unique problems. Not for me but for them, the full time crews, as they immediately surmised a spy was in their midst and would report any or all misdeeds, vocal or otherwise, to the owner, my uncle. I don’t really know why they felt this was the case for even if it was true I couldn’t understand a word they were saying, especially the Maritime crew. When I was around they mumbled as a group, no, they whispered as a group, as if in some huddle, deciding the next course of roofing action, especially if I was within their roofing earshot.  It wouldn’t have mattered because I could not understand a word of their mumbling in a normal voice so when they whispered it was as if they were communicating via Enigma. At least with the Portuguese crew you knew immediately where you stood. Zal didn’t have to speak English for Zal was distinct with his diction. It was a universal diction, like Esperanto. You knew when he was mad, which was almost all of the time, and you knew when he was at peace, with himself that is but never ever ever with us. Thinking back on this I do believe Zal considered himself like the Captain of some roofing ship where familiarity breeds contempt and being in charge, being the Captain, meant being remote and being lonely at the top…of the roof.  He knew he could get things done in his own way. And he was right.

“Pitch” he would yell.

And when the roofing pitch was slow to come!

“Fucking Pitch….asshole.” Zal would yell louder…

Finality…4

…We probably should have had a male teacher in Grade Eight. The hormones were just beginning to manifest, to kick in, to be vibrant and rebellious. Not quite full blown mind you but just beginning to flower. We were beginning to need discipline. Our innocent, angelicalness ways were beginning to transform into awkward stupidity, as evidenced by the peach fuzz on our chins and our winter Friday night skating get togethers at the park and at George Blodger’s proposed Christmas house party that was undermined by Sister Mary Bernice.  Riding shotgun on this matter, the good sister called all of the parents of our Grade Eight class and in typical Catholic vernacular promised brimstone and hell fire, damnation, or worse, if any one of us dared attend this party, with the real threat of excommunication for our parents and the Sanctimonious Tool for Restraint And Providence for us, the party was cancelled.  I for one was really disappointed for I really wanted to see Sister Mary Bernice dish that punishment out. For thirty of us!  My God! Her perseverance and endurance would have been ecclesiastical in its inspiration and miraculous in its execution.  

I always wondered why Catholic Elementary schools were co-educational yet Catholic High Schools separated the girls from the boys.  It never really dawned on me until this moment in time, as I am reflecting and writing on this. Of course! The nuns couldn’t fathom the physical attractiveness between the sexes.  If they could, they, and the Catholic School Board, error-ed by one maybe two years. We should have been separated after Grade Six, Grade Seven at the latest. The Protestant School Board understood this fact of life all too well. That is why they instituted middle school or junior high as they called it. The transition phase! The Catholics, not so much.  Some of us lads, like Jim Reynolds, McDink and a few others, repeated grades in Elementary School a plethora of times. By Grade Eight some of them were driving their own cars to school for Chr…heaven’s sake and some of the lasses disappeared suddenly never to be seen or heard from again except after spending some time in Home Economics School. After all this was 1963!

Pope John the Twenty Third died in April.

President Kennedy was assassinated in November.

Finality…3

…Grade one: the beautiful Sister Theresa, our angelic, beatific, saintly Sister.  Grade two: can’t remember except for my crush on Linda Naigle and of course McDink’s celebratory cheer when he found out, surprisingly, that he passed Grade Two and in doing so exclaimed to all of the world: “Yabba Dabba Do, I’m out-a  Portable Two!” I should ask my friend Jimmymum, when I talk to him again, as to who our teacher was in Grade Two for he will know because his brain and memory are as tight as a locked jaw. To this day some 55 years later, he remembers everything about that period in our lives. And cars too!  Sure enough, Jim knew. Miss Green was her name.  Young, blond and good looking, at least according to Jim. 

Grade three: Mr Upper, downer; Grade Five: Ms Kellar, old yellar; Grade Six: Mr Bowner, or Boner for short; Grade Seven, Ms McFayden, or Mrs Macdonald, the chain smoker. Man, did she reek of tobacco. She would always give us some assignment then disappeared somewhere only to come back a few minutes later with that customary giveaway smell and that distasteful gross smile of hers that revealed a mouthful of yellow stained teeth.  At the time I really had no understanding of why those breaks of hers ran to a specific schedule, about every hour so, lasting about ten minutes, then back to class. It was more than the customary toilet break and it wasn’t until a few years later that I understood the machination, the almost ceremonial-like rite, of having a smoke during school, and later, during working hours.

Grade Eight was Ms Raydigan, Ms Radiator, in our vernacular.  Kids will always do that. Assign some verbal handle on someone for their name, their appearance, how they talked, how they walked or how they chalked up in the overall scheme of things.  She had a short fuse and could explode almost on cue given the right circumstances. And we could provide plenty of that. Hence Ms Radiator, as in those days cars were not quite as sophisticated as they are now. Simple really, with radiators that would, with enough heat and pressure, top off and explode into a wail of steam: screeching and whistling and wailing until the pressure was relieved.  With us that relief normally equated to a dismissal from the class room with the obligatory meeting with our beloved and illustrious principal, Sister Mary Bernice, along with her scholarly and spiritual Sanctimonious Tool for Restraint And Providence…

Finality…2

…Mr Bowner decided to put together a school play.  It was a musical, or more precisely, a musical revue. It was based somewhat loosely on Porgy and Bess. There we were, the entire Grade Six class in black face, singing and dancing, carousing and carrying on. Can you imagine that happening in today’s politically correct charged atmosphere? Nope, yet in those days it was all just innocent fun. People focused more on the entertainment value than the shock value. They didn’t think otherwise, or read between the lines, or over expostulate as they seem to do today on just about everything.

I do find it interesting that as one progresses through academia and the scholastic ranks, and the bolder, cockier and less enthusiastic one becomes with respect to scholarly pursuits, rebellious perhaps, that the male student requires the firm hand of discipline that only a male, Sister Mary Bernice excepted, can seem to provide. Worse yet if that male class of teacher is comprised primarily from the various religious orders of the day. Some were the worst, some a close second, but tied with all the others. The worst may have been highly intellectual but they were as firm and as dangerous in their physical and psychological prowess as their international reputation would suggest that they excelled at in the intellectual sense.  No, ours were the others: an order born out of the French Revolution.  When it came to discipline they could give it out as bad or as good as any one religious law and order could. The only difference being was that they generally had a smile on their face as they were dishing it out.  Jokingly they would say: “This, my young (insert name here), is going to hurt you a lot more than it is going to hurt me.” Then the customary whack, whack, whack and more whack.  At least they were honest. The worst ones, on the other hand, in some form of intellectual mind game or bait and switch logic, would try to convince us that the physical punishment about to be unleashed was going to hurt them a great deal more then it was going to hurt us. Intellectual existentialism perhaps, pedagogically speaking, but pure unadulterated nonsense nonetheless…

Finality

Finally graduated from Catholic elementary school. Did seven years. Seems like a jail term in some sort of perverse way.  It would have been eight but I skipped a year, grade three to grade five: Ms Upper to Ms Keller.  Come to think of it now, in all of those years, I only had one male elementary school teacher. Mr Bowner. He was great: very theatrical and entertaining.  Why was that? So many female teachers and so few male?  Is it because youngsters in those early years still require the nurturing attention that can only be provided by the female sex? Feminists today would kill me for even suggesting such a thing. I don’t really know.  Even in todays so called enlightenment school boards are trying to deal with the matrification of our Elementary School system, that boys are getting a raw deal.  So they say! That they are becoming whusses, feminized, losing their religion. So they say!  I don’t really think this is the case as this was the norm when I was in Elementary School some 55 years ago. If one were to check I do believe that one would find that women dominated the profession at this level for over a hundred years, two hundred maybe. I even remember reading about the explorer David Thompson and his schooling by the Grey Nuns of London back in the 1770s.  Why are we so concerned about it today? Don’t know, don’t care, I don’t have an opinion on this.  It seems to have worked…