From the obviousness file comes this:
Rapper, er sorry, Crapper denounces Trump’s Arizona speech as scary. No it’s scary having a name like that.
Crapper made his obvious comments on CNN, which will be covered by the Washington Post and New York Times, all known supporters of Trump!
Crapper got really excited by Trump’s racist comments “about the need for unity and inclusion.” Yup, downright scary. No this is scary: “What a riot man!” Antifa coming to a neighbourhood near you.
Or this from last fall:
The Left’s Sunday picnic at Berkeley. It was a BYOB, “Bring Your Own Bombs” affair. Hell of a party. The bar was kept pretty busy. “Everyone wants a Molotov Cocktail these days.” A volunteer worker was heard to say. “I ran out of olives pretty quickly and at an event like this Black Olives really do matter.”
When kids are left alone with dad! Love it! (c/o twitter / facebook)
From the “I Can’t Make This Up File” comes this:
Success of future MARS mission dependant upon astronauts urine and CO2 emissions. I thought CO2 was poison man. Say what? And shit for fertilizer! They are going to call the first MARS expedition “The Call of Nature.”
Beach goers in a state of fearful frenzy as shark devours a seal. “Where is PETA when you need them?” One vegan on the beach was heard to say. “Gawd this can’t be right.” In response another was heard to say that “this is nothing but the call of nature.”
Cannabis not really effective against pain and PTSD, new study shows. They tried to treat patients suffering from chronic pain and PTSD with cannabis but couldn’t wake them up to determine efficacy. “Well, if you want to sleep all day then I guess it is okay for that,” a prominent researcher, Dr. Walter White, who wanted to remain anonymous, stated.
An Asian ESPN Sports announcer by the name of Robert Lee pulled from doing the play by play at a UVA football game. On another note an Asian entrepreneur who owns a string of Chinese restaurants was forced to change the name. “Holy Chow” was considered too religious for some patrons to stomach. He changed the name to “Holy Cow.” It is expected that PETA may have something to say about this new branding scheme. Meanwhile sales of his food chain skyrocketing in India.
CNN calls Trump demented, sexist, racist, a Nazi – “is there anything else in the lexicon that we can use?” Wolf was heard to say. I’ll let their own words speak for itself.
Trump sending troops to Afghanistan. New mission and aim. Destroy ISIS and terrorists. Kill them! No more pussy footing around. A prominent Canadian who wants to remain anonymous, wearing his new black and white socks, became outraged when he heard this new directive coming from the White House.
Some of my latest least favourites:
Least favourite colour……………………… Green
Least favourite word………………………… Transparency
Least favourite food…………………………..Tofu
Least favourite song…………………………..Imagine.
Least favourite team…………………………. Leafs
Least favourite French expression…………..Je suis (insert whatever here)
From my other “I Can’t Make this Up File” comes this:
Newly elected Democrat Ocasio-Cortez has everyone on the Left in a tizzy about her proposed New Green Plan that MUST be implemented by 2030.
The more important parts of this plan are:
- Ban all airplanes;
- Built a train track across both oceans for pan oceanic train travel;
- Demolish all buildings and houses across the US and start over;
- Guaranteed living wage for all Americans;
- Free Health care for everyone (heck, even in Canada health care isn’t free);
- Nobody has to work if they do not want to; and
- Ban all cow flatulence to save the planet. That means “Where’s the beef?”
Her response when asked who is going to pay for all of this?
“Easy peezey,” she said as only a millennial can. “We’ll print more money!”
When asked about facts and details of her plan she responded:
“Don’t bore me or challenge me with the facts. Being morally correct “Trumps” all facts or details as far as I am concerned.”
I kid you not. Her remarks remind me of this: Dum de dum dum……DUMMMM!
“Just the facts ma’am.” Good ole Joe Friday knows a thing or two about finances. And doors were poorly made in those days.
Crapper’s remarks, name and Cortez’s cow flatulence ban reminded me of this. Now, to a old fart like me who has a juvenile brain this scene was really funny. Flat-out humour:
I guess the Dems will try to ban all humans next!
Song of the day: It’s just the name of the game, that’s all. Badfinger cover by Anthony Harty:
Have a great Navy day.