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Calls of Nature

From the obviousness file

Rapper, er sorry, Clapper denounces Trump’s Arizona speech as scary. No it’s scary having a name like that.

Crapper made his obvious comments on CNN, which will be covered by the Washington Post and New York Times, all known supporters of Trump! Crapper got really excited by Trump’s racist comments “about the need for unity and inclusion.” Yup, downright scary. No this is scary:

Image result for antifa riots “What a riot man!” Antifa coming to a neighbourhood near you.

When kids are left alone with dad! Love it! (c/o twitter / facebook)

Slide 16 of 30: When a love of motorcycles is passed from father to son. Success of future MARS mission dependant upon astronauts urine and CO2 emissions. I thought CO2 was poison man. Say what? And shit for fertilizer! They are going to call the first MARS expedition “The Call of Nature.”

Beach goers in a state of fearful frenzy as shark devours a seal. “Where is PETA when you need them?” One vegan on the beach was heard to say. “Gawd this can’t be right.” In response another was heard to say that “this is nothing but the call of nature.”

Cannabis not really effective against pain and PTSD, new study shows. They tried to treat patients suffering from chronic pain and PTSD with cannabis but couldn’t wake them up to determine efficacy. “Well, if you want to sleep all day then I guess it is okay for that,” a prominent researcher, Dr. Walter White, who wanted to remain anonymous, stated.

An Asian ESPN Sports announcer by the name of Robert Lee pulled from doing the play by play at a UVA football game. On another note an Asian entrepreneur who owns a string of Chinese restaurants was forced to change the name. “Holy Chow” was considered too religious for some patrons to stomach. He changed the name to “Holy Cow.” It is expected that PETA may have something to say about this new branding scheme.

CNN calls Trump demented, sexist, racist, a Nazi – “is there anything else in the lexicon that we can use?” Wolf was heard to say. I’ll let their own words speak for itself.

Trump sending troops to Afghanistan. New mission and aim. Destroy ISIS and terrorists. Kill them! No more pussy footing around. A prominent Canadian who wants to remain anonymous, wearing his new black and white socks, became outraged when he heard this new directive coming from the White House.

Some of my latest least favourites:

Least favourite colour……………………… Green

Least favourite word………………………… Transparency

Least favourite food…………………………..Tofu

Least favourite song…………………………..Imagine.

Least favourite team…………………………. Leafs

Least favourite French expression…………..Je suis (insert whatever here)

That’s about it for today.

SJ…………out.

Solar Panel Eclipsed

Image result for solar eclipse 2017 Fantastico, then there’s this:

Image result for ufos UFO or Solar eclipse?

Which leads to mass hysteria.

Craziness of the day:

Mother in Texas demands that the local museum, which was holding an eclipse learning event at the library, reschedule the eclipse for a more opportune time for her children. I do hope that this woman viewed the eclipse without protective glasses………Geesh

Journalist (sic) states that the solar eclipse is racist and white privilege because the path of the eclipse crosses predominantly white states in America……Geesh….Geesh.

The solar eclipse is / was caused by climate change. “But the sun has no bearing on the climate. Everybody knows that.” one person was heard to say. Saying this, while the temperature dropped significantly when the sun was obscured by the moon.

The solar eclipse is Trump’s fault. It would never have occurred if Obama was back in office. “This event eclipses everything. Trump has to go and go NOW!”

Seems that EU cucumber harvest severely impacted by the solar eclipse. All cucumbers suddenly turned crooked and reverted back to their natural growing state. “250 EU regulations be damned,” a farmer was heard to say.

Solar panel company’s bottom line severely impacted by the eclipse. Vows to ensure that it never happens again. Gaia followers nod in agreement.

Environ – mentals state that the UN and western countries must spend trillions of dollars NOW to prevent an eclipse from ever happening again. If we can change the weather and the climate on this planet then surely this would be a “walk in the dark.”

SJ…..Out

That…..

Thinking about all these left and right protests these past few weeks. I consider myself non partisan but I wonder how people would feel about me if they knew:

That I am a practicing Catholic;
That I believe in God and a higher power;
That I am a pro-life type of person;
That I was in the Navy for 37 tears;
That I love my country;
That I believe in national sovereignty;
That I believe in the “Rule of Law”
That I respect our History – warts and all;
That we should live within our means – everyone, governments included;
That some things are worth fighting for;
That I am not hypocritical;
That I respect our Police and authority;
That I respect our constitution and Bill of Rights;
That my political views are between me and the ballot box;
That I love to walk;
That I love my wife and family;
That one should work hard to get ahead in life;
That handouts are for dogs and cats, not humans -troubled people excepted;
That a social safety net is important, except for cats and dogs;
That current music sucks;
That today’s news is oxymoronic;
That journalists have no work ethic and are dishonest, misleading;
That all mind altering drugs are bad, including marijuana;
That parents should teach their children morals and not their teachers;
That political indoctrination at school is a form of child abuse;
That graphic sexual education and promotion of transgenderism to young impressionable minds is a form of child abuse;
That changing the English language is not negotiable by University students;
That a good pint of bitter is nirvana;
That a good steak is wonderful;
That PETA sucks;
That Black Olives Matter, especially on Pizza;
That you cannot compromise with a greenie;
That organic pizzas are green;
That the word Organic is a Latin word meaning grown in pig shit;
That the word Commune is a Latin word meaning shithouse;
That going to University is not a god given or atheist given right, its a privilege;
That one should pay their own way through school;
That climate change purported by politicians is the biggest fraud in history;
That Orwell was right and we are now living proof of this;
That the Baby Boomer generation was the most self absorbed generation in history;
That the Baby Boomer generation is primarily responsible for all the shyte we are now going through;
That you cannot make your school change the date of a solar eclipse to meet your child’s scheduling demands;
That the song “Imagine” is well past its best before date;
That bitcoins and climate change are the currency of madness;
That to “Make Love, Not War” was not the rallying banner we all thought it was but a thought process that produced a lot of bastards; and
That’s all she wrote.

Obviously I am a (insert whatever label here) phobian. So be it but I am happy.

Why can’t we all just get along?

SJ….out

From the Files

From a previous post:

Hey Jay, what’s a shakin today?”

“Well let’s see George. Quite a bit actually

From the weird and wonderful Climate Change file:

“California is going to ban cow flatulence George”

“What’s flatulence Jay?”

“Cow farts George. They are going to ban cow farts in California to save the planet!”

“No kidding. You’re ribbing me Jay!”

“I can’t make this stuff up George. Next they’ll ban people from taking more than one breath a minute in order to reduce CO2 emissions. When that occurs you’ll be seeing a whole lot of people walking around LA with puffed out cheeks – both above and below the waist! Holding their breaths and holding their asses. It’s insane George but I’m really happy about this because I won’t have to listen to these Moonbats anymore. Especially the pompous ones lecturing me on how to live as they accept their awards then fly off to their holiday retreats.”

“Wow, something sure stinks in the state of California Jay”

“That’s Denmark George. Something smells in the state of Denmark.”

“It does? They banned cow farts there too Jay?”

“But the Moonbats in California defend their actions by saying that people laughed at Noah too. With his ark George”

“Can you imagine the stink on that ark George? But then again the methane probably kept the water levels at bay by keeping that ark afloat and warm. And when the flooding was almost over somebody, Noah perhaps, lit a torch when he went down into the hold on that ark to see and hear and smell what the fuss, racket and stink was all about. Then, like the burning bush, KA-BOOM, that ark went up in an catechismic explosion.”

“Holy shit” Noah was heard to say, but in deference to his Lord, the supreme being.

“The Old Testament’s proverbial shit hit the fan-tail of that ark George.”

“Is that where the proverb Ship.High.In.Transit. comes from Jay? Noah’s ark?”

“Perhaps George but I don’t know for certain. Could be. But it’s probably why no one has found Noah’s ark today. The methane explosion ripped that ark into a gazillion pieces, spread all across the ancient world I would think.”

“Oh yeah, and forced childbirth is the single biggest cause of global warming. I kid you not George. Must be in the grunts and the groans and the flatulence from where those labour intensive green house gas emissions come from”

“Women are giving birth in a greenhouse these days Jay?”

“Arctic melting will cause severe flooding on the shores of Greenland George!”

“Eureka, George”

“You don’t smell all that well yourself Jay.”

No, no, no George. Eureka! Eureka. You know -as in Archimedes and his Principle, Eureka. That an object will displace its own weight in water. Arctic ice, it floats, but when it melts the water level in the Arctic Ocean remains the same. But the Moonbats out there will not believe this law of physics and will state categorically and adamantly that Archimedes and his principle are coming to you from Big Oil.

“Oh and one more thing George. Global Warming will wipe out breakfast cereals by 2070”

“That’s okay cause I like my cereal cold anyway Jay, so I’m not worried.”

“That’s the least of your worries George”

“Man, we are doomed!”

From the Craziness File:

“Thief allegedly steals up to $179,000 in gold coins and gold pucks from the Canadian mint by stuffing them, or so the mint suggests, up his ass, then walking out. Probably got the idea and motivation from the Johnny Cash song “One Piece at a Time”

“Wow. And the mint claims that they have a suspect and that as far as they are concerned the puck stopped there! Holy anal retentiveness George. Holy shit! That guy’s got balls and one helleva rectum, if he is found guilty of course, which he hasn’t.”

“That’s one helluva job Jay, one helluva job bringing that in!”

From the Oxymoronic File:

“Safe Injection Sites are springing up everywhere across Canada George.”

“Ban flatulence in cows, and in humans too, as it really is Natural Gas, isn’t it Jay?!”

“You bet George”

“200 protesters recently protesting the latest LNG proposition in B.C. then hopping into their SUVs, pickup trucks and cars for the drive home.”

“Protesters protesting a proposed new cell tower in the local countryside all the while talking on their cell phones to get more protesters out to protest the new cell tower’s construction.”

_____________

“Bit of trivia George. How many falls are there in Klamath Falls Oregon?How many huh, huh?”

“Dunno Jay. How many?” One set of falls perhaps?”

“Nope, none George. There are no falls in Klamath Falls Oregon.”

Quote of the week

“Militancy is great – for pacifists”

“Until next time George”

Shakey Jay…..

Kim Flung Poo.

Passchendaele: Mud and Blood

May – Nov 1917

Image result for passchendaele Unbelievable courage

In my opinion the Canadian Corp won the First World War – check out the “The Hundred Days.”

In Quebec it will soon be illegal for anyone receiving public services, including transit, to have their faces covered…. Anonymous excluded. Trick or Treatise!

White nationalism is alive and well in Canada….the alt right. Just like the alt left in BLM, Antifa and (insert left activist group name here). “Yeah perhaps but unlike those alt right guys we want to bring down the government. Its our atheist given right to do so. Intolerance rules this roost dude.”

Image result for pictures of antifa riots “Hey its just a weeny roast!”

Perhaps but that image kind of reminds me of this:

Image result for pictures of nazi book burning “Got any more marshmallows?”

American Idol is coming back. Why? Katy Perry being considered as a potential judge. Why? Has broadcast television stooped this low? Why?Money, money, money, that’s why.

Rick Flair is seriously ill. Damn! Pray for Rick.

This just in from the Island of Dr Moreau: Genetically developed Salmon approved for human consumption in Canada, but not in the US. “Too bad,” says one Canadian who wouldn’t reveal his new set of gills! It is no different than the real thing, as his mouth began to open and shut involuntarily. “You should try it.”

Applebee’s and other similar middle of the dining road restaurants are having trouble attracting Millennials. They have decided to change their décor to simulate basement dwellers and to have “no talking or conversation” safe zones established in all of their facilities. They also intend to hand out the ever popular colouring books and crayons, hoping for a resurge in attendance.

I knew it. From Pakistan – that beacon of human rights – in an ultimatum to the UN: “GIVE US CASH OR WE’LL CONTINUE TO BURN COAL!” The other UN third world dictators, including the Maldives, all nodded vigorously in agreement.

Hey, what happened to this guy? Remember him from just a week ago? Kim Flung Poo?

Image result for pictures of Kim jun un So, to de-escalate the Nuclear Hairstyle Crisis between him and this guy

it has been reported that Kim Flung Poo instigated the Charlottesville riots to destabilize the Trump Presidency and deflect the political crap away from Poo. “Shit happens” he was heard to say. Ah, sorry Kimberley,but the Donald is doing a great job of doing just that all by himself. He doesn’t need your help, Mr Dictator.

From the slippery slope file: How Iceland has virtually eliminated Down’s Syndrome. Through abortion that’s how……………..sad. Oh and if Grannie is starting to bug you, well……………………??

When is our government going to stand up to these Alt Right and Alt Left thugs and radical fundamentalism? I want my country back.

Time to check out I guess. Perhaps I’ll move to Iceland!

SJ………..Out

Author: admin

Calls of Nature

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Solar Panel Eclipsed

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That…..

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From the Files

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Kim Flung Poo.

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