On A Lighter Side

“Hey Shakey Jay, what’s a shakin today?

“Well let’s see George: Quite a bit actually

“California and Canada are  going to ban cow flatulence George”

“What’s flatulence Jay?”

“Cow farts George. They are going to ban cow farts in California to save the planet! I can’t make this stuff up George. Next they’ll ban people from taking more than one breath a minute in order to reduce CO2 emissions. You’ll be seeing a whole lot of people walking around LA and Toronto with puffed out cheeks – both above and below the waist! Holding their breaths and holding their asses. It’s insane George but I’m really happy about this because I won’t have to listen to these Moonbats anymore. Especially the pompous ones like Trudeau lecturing me on how to live as they accept their awards then fly off to their holiday retreats in Cuba.”

“Wow, something sure stinks in the state of California and Ottawa Jay”

“That’s Denmark George. Something smells in the state of Denmark.”

“It does? They banned cow farts there too Jay?”

“But the Moonbats in California defend their actions by saying that people laughed at Noah too. With his ark George”

“Can you imagine the stink on that ark George? But then again the methane probably kept the water levels at bay by keeping that ark afloat and warm. And when the flooding was almost over somebody, Noah perhaps, lit a torch when he went down into the hold on that ark to see and hear and smell what the fuss, racket and stink was all about. Then, like the burning bush, KA-BOOM, that ark went up and exploded into about a millions splinters.

“Holy shit” Noah was heard to say, but in deference to his Lord, the supreme being and not in vain.

“The Old Testament’s proverbial shit hit the fan-tail of that ark George.”

“Is that where the proverb Ship.High.In.Transit. comes from Jay? Noah’s ark?”

“Perhaps George but I don’t know for certain. Could be. But it’s probably why no one has found Noah’s ark today. The methane explosion ripped that ark into a gazillion pieces, spread all across the ancient world I would think.”

“Oh yeah, and forced childbirth is the single biggest cause of global warming George. I kid you not. Must be in the grunts and the groans and flatulence from where those labouring green house gas emissions come from”

“Women are giving birth in a greenhouse these days Jay?”

“Man, we are doomed!”


“Thief allegedly steals up to $179,000 in gold coins and pucks from the Canadian mint by stuffing them, or so the mint suggests, the coins and pucks up his ass, then walking out. Probably got the idea and motivation from the Johnny Cash song “One Piece at a Time”

“Wow. And the mint claimed that they have a suspect and that as far as they are concerned the puck stopped there! Holy anal retentiveness George. Holy shit! That guy’s got balls and one helleva rectum

“Hey George, I was in a Tapa Bar the other night. Saw a sign there that said Black Olives Matter. It was a profound statement George. Profound! But, you know what?  In a Tapa Bar they really do…matter!”

“Arctic melting will cause severe flooding on the shores of Greenland George!

“Eureka, George”

“You don’t smell all that well yourself Jay.”

“No, no, no George. Eureka! Eureka. You know -as in Archimedes and his Principle Eureka. That an object will displace its own weight in water. Arctic ice, it floats but when it melts the water level in the Arctic Ocean remains the same.  But the Moonbats out there will not believe this law of physics and will state categorically and adamantly that Archimedes and his principle are coming to you from Big Oil.


“Oxymoronic Safe Injection Sites are springing up everywhere across Canada George.”

“Ban flatulence in cows, and in humans too, as it really is Natural Gas, isn’t it Jay?!”

“You bet George”

“200 protesters recently protesting the latest LNG proposition then hopping into their SUVs, pickup trucks and cars for the drive home.”

“Protesters protesting a proposed new cell tower in the local countryside all the while talking on their cell phones to get more protesters out to protest the new cell tower’s construction.”

“Bit of trivia George:”

“How many falls are there in Klamath Falls Oregon, Huh, huh?”

“Dunno Jay, May be one set of falls”

“Nope, there’s none George. There are no falls in Klamath Falls Oregon.”

“Wow, who knew!?”

Quote of the week

“Militancy is great – for pacifists”

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Christ Has Risen

Happy Easter as our Lord Jesus Christ has risen. He died so that we may live. He has risen from the dead so as to wash away our sins.

Remember Him and His sacrifice as you sit down with family and friends today.

Have no despair living in the madness that is our world today. Do not be anxious as He is in control. Believe in Him and all of your anxiety and worries wash away. Live your life in peace and be happy. No worries.

For, I believe:

Shut out all distractions and take a good look around you. Listen to what your heart is telling you and enjoy the silence.

And you may believe as well. I hope so.

Happy Easter

Underneath God’s light, we are all one on this earth.

 

David Thompson (Koo Koo Sint)

Not sure how many of you out there have ever heard of David Thompson. He was without a doubt one of history’s greatest navigators – land that is. He could be placed on the same footing as Captain Cook, history’s greatest maritime navigator.

Thompson opened up the Canadian and US Northwest map with his various journeys from Lake Superior / Hudson’s Bay to the mouth of the Columbia River. He was born in London in 1770; hired by the Hudson Bay Company at the age of fourteen; and worked for the Northwest Company (1797….) of Traders for most of his professional life. As with most Canadian explorers he was never recognized by his government, dying penniless and in abject poverty in 1857. London’s Arrowsmith, the world’s leading cartographers of the time stole his maps and ripped him off of all royalties. Tragic. Interestingly, he married a Metis woman, Charlotte Small, of whom he stayed married to all of his adult life…for 57 years. That was unheard of in those days. They had thirteen children.

He outsourced and out-surveyed Lewis and Clark making them appear to be mere cartoon characters by comparison. Indeed, if Thompson had been an American his memory and body of work would have been lauded and placed front and center by the Smithsonian Institute of Washington DC. Indeed, a theme park would have been constructed in his memory. In Canada? Nada.

The following is a poem I wrote in his memory. Hope you like it:

Two Shillings and Six Pence

(David Thompson 1770-1857)

 

This winter’s shade  ‘s so cold and pale

It besets my gaze and arthritic limp

With chills and hunger’s ceaseless laugh

I sit like poverty’s brazen pimp

 

I sense death’s subtle whisper there

As she smothers all thoughts of present, seeing

No past, no future, no joyful screams

Just drains my life-blood’s present, being

 

Too weak to cry or beg to feed

Only Charlotte’s love to soothe my fear

To lose all pride and self esteem

For a morsel’s taste of youth to cheer

 

Two shillings here and six pence keeps

My life away from some beggar’s fate

How I laugh at such a meagre scrip

And a legacy lost to some scoundrel’s bait

 

This Judas touch forsakes my warmth

Within this cloak of adventurous tales

While hunger sings its cryptic, sorrowful song

So hauntingly long, so distressingly stale

 

Yet my hands betray my mind’s ambition

Of an artist’s touch that sowed this land

From the chartless wasteland’s fearsome grasp

To mark and plot from a surveyor’s stand

 

For I observed the cold Prince Rupert lands

That surrounds the grey vast inland sea

As I tracked the tundra’s hard core frost

And fed my mind’s curiosity

 

I observed the wasteland’s magnetic strength

That draws one in like a madman’s gaze

And witnessed the great white creature’s feats

These lords of the barrens, of the inland bays

 

I observed the lands where the muskrat calls

And let the beaver seduce the zealot’s mind

I observed, and marked…ten thousand times marked

And culled the wilderness’ fearsome grind

 

I observed and marked…ten thousand times… marked

With my dear and dependable friends

I marked the time on my sextant’s arc

And undermined the sun’s eternal bend

 

I observed and marked ‘cross prairie grass

Stark contrast ‘gainst the granite’s stoic stance

As far away as my good eye could see

Just wave upon wave in a dreamlike trance

 

I observed the rivers that fed a thousand lakes

As their headwaters announced a torrent of spring

I observed the power of the snow pack’s flood

That fed and nourished my soul to sing

 

I marked the mountains with my measured glimpse

As they dwarfed my being within heaven’s glance

I observed their snow tops blinding strength

Like whitecaps whirled in some frightening dance

 

I reduced the stars from their heavenly maze

Like magic that masks the mathematician’s skill

Or the illusionist’s trick that traps an ignorant man

To marvel at some sorcerer’s will

 

I dared to dream of stars to capture thus

With my filtered plates and their golden arc

And hear my mark like some winsome sonnet, ring

And resonate through the superstitious dark

 

I marked the paths across this special land

Each river, each stream, each mountain pass clear

From Superior’s strength to Columbia’s Bar

And the 49th line in my sextant’s mirror

 

Yet my great map there in the great hall falls

Like a silent echo of some passionate deed

Observe… deceit in its projection thus

While rotting there in its mold-like seed

 

But the pain that lives within my heart

Not sorrowful pity or self-loathing disgust

It’s Arrowsmith’s torment, which lingers so

And rips my heart with such subtle thrusts

 

Just memories now to ease my pain

Such wondrous thoughts that no wealth could bring

 And marvelous dreams of dreams await

On the plains and the foothills, where the mountain streams sing

 

I’ll embrace death’s call for my observer’s touch

For I made my mark and claimed my stake

I unlocked the secrets that my Lord did cast

And traced a course for man’s knowledge sake.


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Not dedicated to Thompson but a great song nevertheless.

Have a great Easter weekend and remember that Jesus’s sacrifice has set us all free.

 

Effin What?

Our Governor General just spent 0ver $800K to visit her home town.

Who is Mary Simon, Canada's first Indigenous governor general ...

$800 effin thousand dollars. Are you kidding me??

She also had an RCAF flight crew log nearly 3,000 kilometres so she could attend a six-minute ceremony, records show. Simon earlier said it was “up to all of us to act responsibly” to fight climate change: “How we do things is just as important as what we do.”  Yeah right!?!?

And she never smiles. I wouldn’t want to mess with her and oh yeah, she just returned from Germany where she and 35 of her closest friends charged Canadians with a $700,000 bill. She has got to go.

Our government is sooooooo out of touch with average Canadian’s reality.

Screw you Truckers

Trudeau's biggest threat after NAFTA—himself - Macleans.ca

Her hand salute is very strange. Where have I seen that before?

Dr. Strangelove starts at 6:15 on TCM - AR15.COM

Oh yeah.

October 2025 (next election) can’t come fast enough.

Love this. File under the category of: yeah right!

Liberal MP “Hang Ten” Dong leaving Liberal caucus, denies allegations of working against release of 2 Michaels – so as not to undermine Liberal chances during the last federal elections…Hoe…Lee…Cow!

This Just-in. The mystery of the $6,000 a night hotel room in London has been solved. Long in denial of any information on this Justin Trudeau has now confirmed that it was he that booked the room. $6,000.00 per night?!?! This guy obfuscates like crazy and has to go. Can’t handle 3 more years of him.

Remember Conservative Bev Oda’s $17.00 orange juice in London? The liberals demanded the Cons resign over that one. The Liberals have this type of corruption down to an art form. Nobody does it better…than them.


Lynx discount air will be providing low fares between Hamilton and Vancouver. Lynx says seasonal summer offerings between John C. Munroe International Airport (YHM) and Vancouver International Airport (YVR) will begin April 16 and run three times per week.

Ticket sales began on Wednesday from $89, one way between Hamilton and Vancouver.

Problem is, is that your checked or carry on bags will cost you $480 one way. And then there are taxes and fees…and…

Who wants to visit Hamilton anyway??

City Of Hamilton Ontario

Yuck!


Like the Canadian Freedom Convoy, I support of the Dutch farmer protests.


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Go Woke Young Man

Target…..Target….Target

Wearing uniforms of silk, coloured in the form of green relish, accessorized by helmets of natural camouflage, our Canadians soldiers are out on a hike set against the blindness of brilliant whiteness. Relish the thought.

Also in Canada:

Museums Too Colonial: Feds

Museums are too “colonial” and must educate Canadians on “climate change, equity, diversity and inclusion,” says a Department of Canadian Heritage report. Traditional exhibits are too mainstream and fail to “take into consideration important societal shifts,” it said: “For many years museums have decided what to acquire, what to exhibit and whose stories to tell.”

Fast forward two years. Attendance at all Canadian museums plummet to record lows. Many are being forced to close unless federal financial assistance is forthcoming immediately. And like Canada’s military it is:

Go woke and go broke

In order to combat systemic racism in our military and Canadian heritage, new recruits and museum staff will have to be people of colour. Whitey need not apply.

And this just in:

Canadian military to allow skirts and hair coloring for soldiers

Changes to the dress code were long overdue, the authorities say
Canadian military to allow skirts and hair coloring for soldiers

Canada has introduced changes in the nation’s military dress code, allowing service members to have long nails, face tattoos, and to dye their hair. The new rules also permit men to wear skirts, as long a they’re relish in colour and texture. Male soldiers will also be permitted to accessorize with REAL camouflage helmets.

According to an FAQ released by the Canadian military on Tuesday, the dress code revision was long overdue, but the changes were not made lightly. “The appearance of the Canadian Armed Forces (CAF) has not kept pace with the Canadian society which it serves,” the document reads.

The CAF says the purpose of the reform, which will come into effect in September 2022, is to make the rules more inclusive and gender-neutral.

Fast forward a few years. Recruitment into the Canadian Armed Forces has plummeted. Numbers are the worst that have been seen since conscription was introduced into Quebec during the Second World War. To combat these low numbers recruitment Officers and staff will be present at all Drag Queen story times for children across the country.

There is definitely no life like it.

By the way, the Canadian military, just like Justin Trudeau, is the laughing stock on the international stage.

Only in Canada you say? Shitty!

Committee Urges Tax Hikes

Finance Minister Chrystia Freeland must “close the growing income gap” with new taxes in her March 28 budget, says a Commons finance committee report. The income gap is not in fact growing, according to Bank of Canada figures: ‘It has been relatively stable over the last 25 years.’

You see, they’re laughing at us stupid Canadians.

Canada’s new national anthem:

Oh, and to ensure divershity and inclusivity, Heritage Canada has put out this version:

Relish the thought.


How did it happen? The Silicon Valley Bank Collapse.

We are all doomed.


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