Foody Doo

Late today. Host server problems. It happens sometimes.

This will be short.

It sucks living alone. Every since my wife passed I have been feeling kind of lonesome. But not in the food department. You see when my wife was alive I had to eat healthy stuff.

Stuff that I loved as a young single man was forbotten (sic) in this household. Not any more:

I love Homogenized milk. I hate 2%, or 1% or that Almond milk stuff. It is like drinking water and how can one ever drink nuts. Eh, Huh, Hmmm?

Kraft Dinner (KD) was THE staple food group for every young single male out there. I don’t really know what went into the cheese powder but when milk and butter were added the resultant chemical reaction was nectar to our taste buds. Add hot dog wieners and you had a gastronomical delight. The after effect had its glow and was ripe as well.

I just went out and bought some “Cheez Whiz.” Yes, yes I know that “Cheez Whiz” and perhaps KD are probably one molecule short of being plastic but never you mind. On celery it was a major Canadian delectable. Ask any prairie farmer or hick from southern Ontario and he’ll tell you just how yummy “Cheez Whiz” iz. Eh??

See the source imageThe industry standard. Processed cheez in a jar. You couldn’t ask for more than that eh Bill Blasio – Mayor of New York City.

Oh and speaking of cheeze. Being alone I no longer have to put up with that overly expensive, highly cheezie, over rated natural cheddar, Rocquefort blue (smells like dirty socks), brie or the many of the other so called healthy metro-sexual choices. No, no, no. This is my standard:

See the source imageHighly processed cheeze and coming to a kitchen counter near me. Mmmmmmm!

Do you have any idea how many grilled cheeze sandwiches (with ketchup) I can make with that stack? I know what you are thinking. “How gross.” The only answer I could possibly come up with is: “cheez off.”

Be honest now. You know you like this stuff, especially with the highly salted canned tomato soup – or a health nut’s worst nightmare. Which brings me to a mystery of life. One I have repeated before but is very appropriate with this post:

“Why are there so many sick shopping in health food stores? Eh? Huh?

White bread. I forget the name but that loaf of bread that had the red and blue dots on its packaging was the white bread standard of the world as far as I was concerned. Oh, yeah, “Wonder Bread.” Everyone wondered what the hell went into that loaf that made it pure white and fresh gooey dough – and not like those multi-grain monstrosities or granola fused concoctions that one can buy in a health food stores at triple the price. Those items were gross as far as I was concerned. At least with “Wonder Bread” you didn’t have to pick the sesame seeds or granola bits out from between your teeth. “Wonder Bread” was also great because all it took to get that mushy white glob or gooey dough – that was probably slathered with peanut butter and jam – out from the back of your gums was to stick your finger back there and feel the ooze of that gooey white dough come off from the top of your teeth. Man, doughs were the daze I can tell you that.

Image result for pics of wonder breadYou bet it does! And an added bonus was that you remained a “regular” guy.

You see there is an old saying that a well respected junk foody once told me.

See the source imageYup, all of my major food groups!

“If things are good in moderation then they must be great in excess.” Yessssssss, mine and my good friend Ian’s credo for the junk food life

Now here is a little foody joke to end this post:

The Cruel Sea … 

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Claddaghduff, Ireland man answered his door to find two grim-faced Constables. 

“We’re sorry, Mr. O’ Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen” said one of the officers. 

“Tell me! Did you find her?” Michael Patrick O’Flynn asked. 

The constables looked at each other and one said, “We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?” 

Fearing the worst, Mr. O’ Flynn said, “Give me the bad news first.” 

The constable said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but early this morning we found your poor wife’s body in the bay.” 

“Lord sufferin’ Jesus and Holy Mother of God!” exclaimed O’ Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, “What could possibly be the good news?” 

The constable continued, “When we pulled the late, departed poor Maureen up, she had 12 of the best-looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven’t seen lobsters like that since the 1960’s, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.” 

Stunned, Mr. O’ Flynn demanded, “Glory be to God, if that’s the good news, then what’s the really great news?” 

The constable replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”

Sorry again for the delay.

Have a great day.

 

SJ……….………………………..Out

 

PS: I once worked in a factory in Toronto making Cheez Puffs. Another major food group.

Calls of Nature

From the obviousness file

Rapper, er sorry, Clapper denounces Trump’s Arizona speech as scary. No it’s scary having a name like that.

Crapper made his obvious comments on CNN, which will be covered by the Washington Post and New York Times, all known supporters of Trump! Crapper got really excited by Trump’s racist comments “about the need for unity and inclusion.” Yup, downright scary. No this is scary:

Image result for antifa riots“What a riot man!” Antifa coming to a neighbourhood near you.

When kids are left alone with dad! Love it! (c/o twitter / facebook)

Slide 16 of 30: When a love of motorcycles is passed from father to son. Success of future MARS mission dependant upon astronauts urine and CO2 emissions. I thought CO2 was poison man. Say what? And shit for fertilizer! They are going to call the first MARS expedition “The Call of Nature.”

Beach goers in a state of fearful frenzy as shark devours a seal. “Where is PETA when you need them?” One vegan on the beach was heard to say. “Gawd this can’t be right.” In response another was heard to say that “this is nothing but the call of nature.”

Cannabis not really effective against pain and PTSD, new study shows. They tried to treat patients suffering from chronic pain and PTSD with cannabis but couldn’t wake them up to determine efficacy. “Well, if you want to sleep all day then I guess it is okay for that,” a prominent researcher, Dr. Walter White, who wanted to remain anonymous, stated.

An Asian ESPN Sports announcer by the name of Robert Lee pulled from doing the play by play at a UVA football game. On another note an Asian entrepreneur who owns a string of Chinese restaurants was forced to change the name. “Holy Chow” was considered too religious for some patrons to stomach. He changed the name to “Holy Cow.” It is expected that PETA may have something to say about this new branding scheme.

CNN calls Trump demented, sexist, racist, a Nazi – “is there anything else in the lexicon that we can use?” Wolf was heard to say. I’ll let their own words speak for itself.

Trump sending troops to Afghanistan. New mission and aim. Destroy ISIS and terrorists. Kill them! No more pussy footing around. A prominent Canadian who wants to remain anonymous, wearing his new black and white socks, became outraged when he heard this new directive coming from the White House.

Some of my latest least favourites:

Least favourite colour……………………… Green

Least favourite word………………………… Transparency

Least favourite food…………………………..Tofu

Least favourite song…………………………..Imagine.

Least favourite team…………………………. Leafs

Least favourite French expression…………..Je suis (insert whatever here)

 

That’s about it for today.

 

SJ…………out.