Category: A Very Short Story

From the Short Story Vault

Don’t Worry. Be Happy

A new article about Don Cherry and Coaches’ Corner and why he should retire is out there. I am not a fan of Don Cherry primarily because he cannot put two sentences together. He is often times incoherent and is stuck in the 1980’s Boston Bruins past. He is not a sign of the times except maybe bad times. He appears to me from his commentary on TV to have been a bully player. As a player and as a coach he sometimes brings out the worst in many of us. The kids used to love him but that love is now fading like everything else considered to be Maple syrup by the new generation of Canadians. He is way past his best before date. Like Bob Cole, the iconic Maple Leaf’s broadcaster Don’s “jersey” should have been retired a long, long time ago.

On the other hand he is a non apologetic Canadian. Something this country dearly lacks, especially with our political leadership. He is patriotic, loves our military and police forces and instills a sense of Canadian pride that he himself wears on his sleeve. But given his conservative values, views and Canadiana pride you will never, ever see Don Cherry elected into the Hockey Hall of Fame or be nominated to the Order of Canada. A proud Canadian maybe but he is not considered progressive enough for the snotty, smug elitist hierarchy that runs this country. Don Cherry is considered way, way too blue collar for their liking.

I am reading articles now that are putting the Liberals in the lead. How can this be?  What with all of the scandals and corruption out there? Or is this just more media liberal bias? Probably.

Vancouver Pride bans University of British Columbia from participating in the upcoming Pride celebrations. Why? They dared to allow someone on their campus to speak out about some of the LGBT community activities. Of course Pride prides itself for being all inclusive, apolitical as long as that all inclusiveness, apoliticalness notions are not critical of them.

We do not need Pride. They need us.

It is coming to this. LA coffee chain bans NBA star Kaw-hi from all of its locations after the star failed to sign with the LA Lakers…. Geesh, your coffee ain’t that good.

By the way, how do you pronounce that name anyway. Kaw….Hi….. as in…. Raw….Hide…… Don’t know, just saying, that’s all.

Quebec now joins Ontario, Alberta, New Brunswick, Saskatchewan and Manitoba in their fight against the Federal government’s carbon tax.

I wonder what Quebec wants from the Feds now.

A hat that embodies pure evil? What you may ask? A hat emblazoned with “Make America Great Again.” read Don Cherry above.

Pure evil……………………..

All beer drinkers out there will understand this.

And don’t worry, be happy. To all you guys out there. Have a beer.

Have a great day.

 

SJ…………………………….Out

Happy Monday

Follow da money!

Canadian Basketball fan upset after hearing both Kawhi and Danny Green are leaving the Raptors for California. Even Trudeau gets in on the act, upset as he is and us, for not going with them.

From the Captain Obvious file: How often should you eat to lose weight?……..Never!

Hockey Night in Canada’s  Don Cherry states that he will be back next season. Grammarly is ecstatic on hearing the news. If there ever was an argument for a “best before” date this was it.

And this is news why? Cher, Michael Douglas and other stars are selling their homes. Sooo. I can’t afford them.

Profound statement of the week! A UFC fighter, undefeated after 19 bouts, loses after getting knocked out in 5 seconds by his opponent. Commenting after regaining consciousness: “Well that sucked.” It is a wonder he could say anything at all. Follow da money! is all I can say.

a group of people wearing costumes: TOPSHOT - USA's players celebrate with the trophy after the France 2019 Womens World Cup football final match between USA and the Netherlands, on July 7, 2019, at the Lyon Stadium in Lyon, central-eastern France. (Photo by FRANCK FIFE / AFP) (Photo credit should read FRANCK FIFE/AFP/Getty Images)

Congrats to the US women’s soccer team for their win over the Netherlands. But yet again CNN sees this as an opportunity to slam Trump.

“You shouldn’t sleep with a fan on.” So says this ad which also states that you shouldn’t even attempt to by one during a heat wave. Grammarly was also ecstatic on reading this ad.

The argument against meat and for “plant based foods.” You can think of it as our great vegetarian blind spot, and it has left us defenseless to the brassiest escalation yet in the cause against meat, the remarkable assertion that eating meat is bad for the planet. Talk about overplaying your hand. Where eating meat was once bad for a person’s arteries, now we are to do so with the shame that it’s bad for all of life upon Earth. Everything is now bad for you, so says the UN in its fight against climate change and for the establishment of one world government led by, of course, the UN.

“But we’re living longer too. Bad for the planet says the UN. Everyone should be dead by 70. To save the planet and to fight climate change. So says the WHO. Who??

The Drug addiction poverty, homeless business is alive and well and doing fine thank you very much. “Vancouver has universal health care, abundant addiction treatment and harm reduction, supervised drug consumption rooms, and a clinic that provides heroin. It also has the same opioid overdose death rate as West Virginia.”

Oxy moron of the week. Diversity professor defends the notion of not dating white guys.

Only in Canada you say: Getting lobsters stoned before cooking. You cannot boil them alive anymore – a practice that has been going on for centuries. But Cannabis know betters. No, no, no. Get them stoned first then beat the crap out of them with a hammer. That will do it says a representative for Cannabis’ food guide.

Another from the Captain Obvious file: Why do so many young people suddenly die? Their hearts stop perhaps? Just saying!

Oh this is cute: “To end fatphobia, we need to dismantle Western civilization,” says Philly therapist Sonalee Rashatwar, after devouring a Philly Cheese Steak sandwich. “No….as I stated above, just stop eating.”

And people are an industry’s most valued ass-et. “Deutsche Bank slashed 18,000 jobs in a restructuring move.”

Kinda slow news day.

This came out in 1971. A great album.

Have a great day.

 

SJ………………….Out

It’s Alive, It’s Alive

I don’t know about you but I am getting sick and tired with all of this climate scare tactics and fear mongering. It seems that every second article in the newspaper today is about climate change of some sorts.

Climate change may be happening but we are not the cause of it. It is a natural phenomenon. Last week, while I was in Toronto, which is situated on the north shore of Lake Ontario, everyone was talking about the water levels of the Great Lakes. The levels are very high such that the Toronto Islands are flooding. Climate change in action. Yet a couple of years ago the levels were very low.

Heck, I can remember during my youth when water levels were up and down on Georgian Bay, which is part of Lake Huron. It happens and is highly dependent on the winter’s snow pack, spring melting and spring rains. It is not caused by climate change. However, our government, in their quest to scare the shit out of us, especially our gullible youth, and to convince us that climate change is real and therefore a threat to our very existence such that they can tax us to death. A new and very lucrative money stream. And our politicians of every stripe and colour are in on the scam.

Consider this: in 1989 the UN told the world that the Maldives would be underwater by 01 January 2019. Thirty years later?

See the source imageThe Maldives today.

The UN also stated in 1989 that the world had 30 years to address climate change or there would not be a world today. Hasn’t happened.

But now they tell us that if we do not act NOW, that the world will end in 2030. I think Al Gore and other non scientific mindless minds have stated such for 2011, 2013, 2019 and now 2030. And people believe this shyte. I mean how can anybody believe in whatever Alexandra Occasionally Cortez but Generally Whacko says. This from a US congress  woman who believes that the world is flat – and she has a huge cohort that agrees with her. Last time I checked:

See the source image              Do you notice the curvature on the horizon?

Oh, I know, photo shopped, fake…..Geesh.

Coming from a lab near you.

See the source imageIt’s alive, it’s alive

Beyond meat > is beyond belief. Meat grown in a lab. Are you kidding me?

Super processed food yet the young people are devouring this stuff. Those same young people who shun processed foods. Sorry to tell you all but this is super-processed “food”. Same with plant based burgers.

See the source image

Mmm. Yummy Igor. Try this new cheeseburger. It is to die for.

Oxymoron of the week? Plant based sausages. Outlets should be sued for false advertising.

Geesh. I’ll take KD any day. I mean if you are going to eat plastic this is the way to go.

See the source imageI hear that in Canada, plastic straws are going to be replaced by this stuff.

Eat drink and be scary.

Canadian electioneering has begun for our elections in October – at the Federal level. Polls predicting Trudeau will probably win but with a coalition of the left – Greens and NDP (Dippers):

See the source imageSee the source image

                             Goosed

Scary thought. We are screwed. See, even she agrees with me:

See the source imageThe NDP’s new Chief of Staff

Thar she blows: Climate change in action

See the source imageMauna Loa erection…er eruption. World’s largest Volcano – about to erupt!

Just wait for the UN to somehow make this a climate change action statement: “Give us your money and we will ensure volcanos never happen again.” Unfortunately many people will believe this shyte. Even Greta: “I see CO2” Thumbs Up will get in on the act. Perhaps the Pope as well.

This just in:

Geoff Molson, Marc Bergevin standing next to a person in a suit and tie: Canadiens owner/president Geoff Molson (left) and general manager Marc Bergevin take a break during second day of NHL Draft in Vancouver on June 22, 2019.

The Carolina Hurricanes believe that the Canadiens and GM Marc Bergevin got sold a bill of goods by Gerry Johannson, the agent for centre Sebastian Aho.

Guys, I really think that the name “Aho,” pronounced Ay-Ho, short in the hockey lexicon for Ass-Hole may have been a red flag here, don’t ya think

Get outside and don’t believe the shyte or the hype. Then you will see that every day is the best day ever.

Never fear. If it gets really bad this guy will come and rescue us from the United Nations. My hero

See the source image

According to the United Nations, we no longer live in the Cenozonic Era and the Holocene Epoch but live in the Armageddon Era and Eeee Gads Epoch.

Thanks for you thoughts on my brother Kevin.

SJ…………………………Out.

Smoke and Mirrors

I thought it appropriate to repeat this post given that the Liberal campaign to be re-elected this fall has begun.

I love this:

From a government of Canada web site (bold is mine):

“We know that our country is stronger – and our government more effective – when decision-makers reflect Canada’s diversity (instead of 30 B in debt we are now 40B in debt annually). The Government of Canada has implemented an appointment process that is transparent (we can see right through it) and merit-based, (lowest uncommon denominator) strives for gender parity (all of them) and seeks to ensure that Indigenous peoples and minority groups are properly represented in positions of leadership (only Francos monsieur). We continue to search for Canadians who reflect the values that we all embrace: inclusion, honesty, fiscal prudence (Lol) and generosity of spirit (have another toke). Together, we will build a government as diverse as Canada (and get nothing done).

We are equally committed to providing a healthy workplace that supports everyone’s dignity, self-esteem (can’t be fired) and the ability to work to each team member’s full potential. With this in mind, all appointees will be expected to take steps to promote and maintain a healthy, respectful and harassment-free work environment. (Take steps…baby steps?)

The Government of Canada is currently seeking applications from diverse and talented Canadians from across the country who are interested in the following appointment opportunities. This is code for: (Whitey and Anglos need not apply):

If you think there is no discrimination or racism in Canada, think again while you are rolling that joint.

And then there is this:

Toronto, Ottawa and other border towns in Quebec and Ontario are demanding compensation from the feds to account for the expenses garnered due to all of the illegal immigrants and border crossings. Trudeau’s response is classic liberalism:

“The kind of fear-mongering, the kind of intolerance, the kind of misinformation going on across the country and around the world is something all of us have a responsibility to engage with a positive and a thoughtful way,” Trudeau said the other day in New Brunswick.”

“Hey Gerald, where is my yellow vest anywho?” and by the by:

“Anyone who raises concerns about a border crisis that sees economic migrants cross illegally and claim refugee status is dismissed as racist or divisive by the Liberals. Not exactly positive or thoughtful.”

Yeah profound Justinian. No debate! Just a comeback to anyone who disagrees or questions liberal policies is a RACIST, a BIGOT. One of those NASTY, NASTY, NAZI conservatives. You bet. I am sooo proud with that label.

All of those Canadians who agree with Turd-ope can apply for those jobs as indicated above.

Divershity is our Strength

And it smells good too.

On a lighter note. Gotta love this. This guy should work for the government!

In reaction to the Liberal’s hiring policy comes this hiring tool. That’s gotta hurt:

Antique Tool Still In Use .  Do you know what it is? 

Tobacco Smoke Enema Kit  (1750s – 1810s).        

The tobacco enema was used to infuse tobacco smoke into a patient’s rectum for various medical purposes, but primarily the resuscitation of drowning victims. 

A rectal tube inserted into the anus was connected to a fumigator and bellows that forced the smoke into the rectum. The warmth of the smoke was thought to promote respiration.  Doubts about the credibility of tobacco enemas led to the popular phrase “blowing smoke up your ass.” 

This odd tool is still heavily used by the Canadian Liberal government. They are considering its use to weed out anglo and white Canadians who dare question or apply for one of those Government jobs!

1972 was a great year for rock!

Liberals plan to use this song to promote their Tobacco Enema Tool:

Have a great Navy day.

 

SJ……………………..Out

 

     

 

Turn Me Loose

Congrats to Toronto Raptors for the winning of their first NBA title.

See the source image

And now for the Leafs? Ahhh, maybe not.

In  a few more days the Liberal government will gives its verdict on the Trans Mountain Pipeline expansion. My verdict?

 

See the source imageTurn me loose. Turn me loose. Read my

 

lips. No more pipelines. My brain is engaged. I have a dream.

See the source image

No more pipelines. Yes, I have a dream. No matter where you are from, or the colour of your skin, there will be Barista joints and joints on every street corner of every city and town in this great country of ours. Yes, I have a dream.

And its a nightmare.

Meanwhile Climate Barbie, Trudeau’s erstwhile minister of CO2 has rejected every single recommendation that the conservative members of the senate have proposed to improve the draconian measures that would effectively ban all tankers off the West Coast of Canada and ensure not another resource project or major infrastructure initiative ever gets built in this country.

See the source imageWhat? There are three of her?

I see CO2

I only wish is that she and the entire Liberal Cabinet would breathe CO.

Our wonderful health care system in Canada: man dies of massive bedsore in Ontario hospital. Found 37 other incidents in the same facility.

We have the very best health system in the world………………..NOT.

Major League Baseball analyst sights global warming as the cause of a spike in home runs this season. Yes, there is a lot of hot air these days around the ball parks. No one mentioned crappy pitching.

Then this just in from that icon of journalistic integrity Joy Behar of the View: “Global Warming could stop Joe Biden from curling…er curing cancer if he becomes President.”

Doesn’t anyone else see the humour in all of this. Yet people actually believe this shyte.

That’s all for now. Very slow news day.

Again, congrats to Raptors.

Have a great weekend.

 

SJ…………………………..Out