Category: A Very Short Story

From the Short Story Vault

Pee-You……

From the obviousness file comes this:

Rapper, er sorry, Crapper denounces Trump’s Arizona speech as scary. No it’s scary having a name like that.

Crapper made his obvious comments on CNN, which will be covered by the Washington Post and New York Times, all known supporters of Trump!

Crapper got really excited by Trump’s racist comments “about the need for unity and inclusion.” Yup, downright scary. No this is scary: “What a riot man!” Antifa coming to a neighbourhood near you.

Or this from last fall:

The Left’s Sunday picnic at Berkeley. It was a BYOB, “Bring Your Own Bombs” affair. Hell of a party. The bar was kept pretty busy. “Everyone wants a Molotov Cocktail these days.” A volunteer worker was heard to say. “I ran out of olives pretty quickly and at an event like this Black Olives really do matter.”

When kids are left alone with dad! Love it! (c/o twitter / facebook)

From the “I Can’t Make This Up File” comes this:

Success of future MARS mission dependant upon astronauts urine and CO2 emissions. I thought CO2 was poison man. Say what? And shit for fertilizer! They are going to call the first MARS expedition “The Call of Nature.”

Beach goers in a state of fearful frenzy as shark devours a seal. “Where is PETA when you need them?” One vegan on the beach was heard to say. “Gawd this can’t be right.” In response another was heard to say that “this is nothing but the call of nature.”

Cannabis not really effective against pain and PTSD, new study shows. They tried to treat patients suffering from chronic pain and PTSD with cannabis but couldn’t wake them up to determine efficacy. “Well, if you want to sleep all day then I guess it is okay for that,” a prominent researcher, Dr. Walter White, who wanted to remain anonymous, stated.

An Asian ESPN Sports announcer by the name of Robert Lee pulled from doing the play by play at a UVA football game. On another note an Asian entrepreneur who owns a string of Chinese restaurants was forced to change the name. “Holy Chow” was considered too religious for some patrons to stomach. He changed the name to “Holy Cow.” It is expected that PETA may have something to say about this new branding scheme. Meanwhile sales of his food chain skyrocketing in India.

CNN calls Trump demented, sexist, racist, a Nazi – “is there anything else in the lexicon that we can use?” Wolf was heard to say. I’ll let their own words speak for itself.

Trump sending troops to Afghanistan. New mission and aim. Destroy ISIS and terrorists. Kill them! No more pussy footing around. A prominent Canadian who wants to remain anonymous, wearing his new black and white socks, became outraged when he heard this new directive coming from the White House.

Other Stuff

Some of my latest least favourites:

Least favourite colour……………………… Green
Least favourite word………………………… Transparency
Least favourite food…………………………..Tofu
Least favourite song…………………………..Imagine.
Least favourite team…………………………. Leafs
Least favourite French expression…………..Je suis (insert whatever here)

From my other “I Can’t Make this Up File” comes this:

Newly elected Democrat Ocasio-Cortez has everyone on the Left in a tizzy about her proposed New Green Plan that MUST be implemented by 2030.

The more important parts of this plan are:

  • Ban all airplanes;
  • Built a train track across both oceans for pan oceanic train travel;
  • Demolish all buildings and houses across the US and start over;
  • Guaranteed living wage for all Americans;
  • Free Health care for everyone (heck, even in Canada health care isn’t free);
  • Nobody has to work if they do not want to; and
  • Ban all cow flatulence to save the planet. That means “Where’s the beef?”

Her response when asked who is going to pay for all of this?

“Easy peezey,” she said as only a millennial can. “We’ll print more money!”

When asked about facts and details of her plan she responded:

“Don’t bore me or challenge me with the facts. Being morally correct “Trumps” all facts or details as far as I am concerned.”

I kid you not. Her remarks remind me of this: Dum de dum dum……DUMMMM!

“Just the facts ma’am.” Good ole Joe Friday knows a thing or two about finances. And doors were poorly made in those days.

Crapper’s remarks, name and Cortez’s cow flatulence ban reminded me of this. Now, to a old fart like me who has a juvenile brain this scene was really funny. Flat-out humour:

I guess the Dems will try to ban all humans next!

Song of the day: It’s just the name of the game, that’s all. Badfinger cover by Anthony Harty:

Have a great Navy day.

 

SJ………………………………………..Out………………………………………..pee-you!

States of Confusion

The latest lunar eclipse reminded me of an earlier post when we had the major solar eclipse back in September 2017. Here is part of that post:

Craziness of the day:

Fall 2017

Leads to mass hysteria!

Mother in Texas demands that the local museum, which was holding an eclipse learning event at the library, reschedule the eclipse for a more opportune time for her children. I do hope that this woman viewed the eclipse without protective glasses………Geesh

Journalist (sic) states that the solar eclipse is racist and white privilege because the path of the eclipse crosses predominantly white states in America……Geesh….Geesh.

The solar eclipse is / was caused by climate change. “But the sun has no bearing on the climate. Everybody knows that.” one person was heard to say. Saying this, while the temperature dropped significantly when the sun was obscured by the moon./..Geesh…Geesh….Geesh!

The solar eclipse is Trump’s fault. It would never have occurred if Obama was back in office. “This event eclipses everything. Trump has to go and go NOW!” Geesh….Geesh….Geesh….and more Geesh!

Seems that EU cucumber harvest severely impacted by the solar eclipse. All cucumbers suddenly turned crooked and reverted back to their natural growing state. “250 EU regulations be damned,” a farmer was heard to say…good gawd…good!

Solar panel company’s bottom line severely impacted by the eclipse. Vows to ensure that it never happens again. Gaia followers nod in agreement.

Environ – mentals state that the UN and western countries must spend trillions of dollars NOW to prevent an eclipse from ever happening again. If we can change the weather and the climate on this planet then surely this would be a “walk in the dark.”

I am confused

Have a great Navy day.

 

SJ……………………………………………Out

Things Go Better With………

“Things go better with coke.”

It would appear that Delta airlines and Coke didn’t expect the fallout to their latest marketing plan of passing napkins to frequent flyers to pass to other passengers in what they called their “plane crush.” “You never know they said.” Well the unintended consequence of this marketing scheme was the unintended rush to the washrooms, of which there were just a few. Delta and Coke apologized and assured passengers that additional washrooms would soon be a fact of life on their long haul flights. I can’t make this up.

See the source imageStewardesses and Stewards were being issued new uniforms.

See the source image

Did you know that the latest progressiveness of the Democratic Party is to allow for 3rd trimester abortions up to and including the 40th week. They also believe that women should have the right to abort the birth immediately after delivery – if she so chooses. Yes, I am a staunch believer that a woman has the right to choose however there are limits and this progressive policy my friends comes down to infanticide – murder!

Senator Ralph Northam, the Democratic Governor of Virginia, exposed the Democratic Party’s position on long term abortion for what it really is: infanticide. The Democratic Party’s response? They found a old photograph of good ole Ralphy from his Medical School days dressed with another person in Black Face and a Klu Klux Klan outfit and put it out there for all to see and of course to destroy the Governor’s reputation. Bad taste and poor judgement on Ralphy’s part? Yes. Of course. But this occurred some 35 years ago when stunts like this were very common at University parties. And this coming from those tolerant, progressive Democrats.

The woman’s league of the party was not amused with the Governor’s remarks:

I hate hypocrites.

Does that picture remind you of something in the Dem’s deep dark past?

Meanwhile Ralphy has been forced to go back and reflect on the way he acts:

Interesting:

CNN’s response? Hitler! The devil incarnate. The speech was a disgrace to all liberal values, especially Climate Change and Global Warming and of course, the legality of long term abortions.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the Midwestern states and / or western Canada:

See the source imageWhat are your thoughts on this Al baby

Gotta love this. Typical liberal shitzspeak:

Heard in passing. Justinian praying to his late father about the economy:

See the source image

” Poppa. What’s an economy.?

Poppa’s response:

See the source image

That’s all she wrote.

This is kind of creepy:

Gotta go. I have a flight to catch:

 

Have a great Navy day

 

SJ…………………………Out

More BS

English researchers say that the colonization of North America by European settlers in the 1600’s caused climate change and the little ice age. They state that these settlers were instrumental in indigenous extinction by the slaughter of over 56 million native Americans over a period of 100 years. They also state that by killing these native peoples that their farmlands were placed in dormancy and fallowed which eliminated or decreased C02 levels.

This is just more “Fake News” to expand the human induced climate change narrative. Why?

  • The native population of North America was never even close to being 56 million people in the 17th and 18th centuries;
  • Native Americans were more of the hunter gatherers, nomad types than stay at home farmers;
  • Europeans or US citizens didn’t even settle the lands west of the Mississippi until after the beginning of the 19th Century;
  • How can a small group of Native Americans cause climate change on a global scale? They can’t and they didn’t.

They take no account of the major Icelandic volcanic eruptions in this time frame that virtually covered all of Europe and parts beyond with a blanket of dust, which in turn decreased sunlight reaching the earth.

Don’t believe everything you read. Research these false claims. Shame on the “Hill” for covering this journalistic shyte:

“With regards to the population of Aboriginal people in what would become Canada at the beginning of sustained European contact in the early 16th century, estimates vary. Anthropologists and historians have, however, given a tentative range of between 350,000 and 500,000 people, with some estimates as high as two million. – 7 million in the US. There was a major population decline before the arrival of Columbus in 1492. Farming practices were nomadic in nature and based solely on subsistence, nothing more. It was the federal governments of both Canada and the US that introduced sedentary farming practices for First Nations in the later part of the 19th century.”

The  retirement age in Canada is too low and that is going to be a major problem (Maclean’s). Harper knew that and changed the retirement age to 67 from 65 –  a move that was implemented by many western nations. So blame Trudeau for this Canada, not Harper, as it was Trudeau who changed things back to 65 solely for election purposes, nothing more and definitely not for the health of Canada’s pension plans.

“Wiarton Willie” predicts an early spring. This famous Canadian groundhog weather predicting icon has only been correct 37% of the time over the years – low but much better than our professional overpaid weather witches who have been wrong 90% of the time!

Ontario's Wiarton Willie looks skyward to give us his prediction Tuesday that ends up being bad news for those looking forward to spring weather.Got any carrots, or Romaine lettuce?

Did you know that:

The Democratic Party was the party of the Confederates. The Republican Party was the party of the union and anti-slavery founded in 1854. It is known as the Party of Abraham Lincoln.

Have a great Navy day.

 

SJ………………………………..Out

Takin Care of Business…Every Day!

Just in from Bloomberg:

The US is warning countries to stay clear of Huawei.

Of course Canada being so smug and so righteous about that evil doom slayer Trump that they welcome Huawei into their companies and homes. “Oh we know better so bring in your poor, your downtrodden, your dispossessed, your filthy rich bastards and we will welcome Huawei with open arms because that dastardly Trump is bad, bad, baaaad, I tells ya. He is evil… eeevil the weevil!

Don’t know about you but would you trust any high tech company whose name you cannot pronounce? Or a Chinese company that promotes “Gutter Oil,” China’s big oil conglomerate?:

See the source image                                                   Asian fusion “Gutter Oil.” Sweet and sour. Your choice. Straight out of the Chinese gutter. Also known as sewer shyte in North America. Tasty!

As the name suggests their high tech cooking oil:

See the source imageTaking gutter oil well, out of the gutter. From the gutter straight on to your plate:

Mmmm, yummy.See the source image                  I’ll never eat Chinese again.

Yeah this is more like it. From England…Fatburgers:

See the source imageWould you like fries with that. Looks and feels like my arteries

From the world has gone mad file comes this:

Actress Kate Hudson is raising her daughter as genderless. She has decided to name “it” Eunice. She is hoping that her next “it” will be a genderless “it with a dik” whose name will be Eunick, the “it dik” brother to his “it dickless” sister (I can’t make this up).

Woman’s humiliating job interview goes viral. Say what? She is pissed off that she got the job. “I was humiliated I tells ya. I dearly wanted to become a victim and that ass hole of an employer had the gonads to actually hire me. I feel, I feel…oh I don’t know…I feel…well..employed, violated. I guess that would be the right word here. It is a terrible feeling.”

“MoiAussie,” the French “MeToo” organization nodded their heads in agreement.

Duchess Meghan saved from a major fashion mishap. Headline? Why? Was she caught outside wearing clothes?

I can’t believe this is news!

US cities as cold as the Arctic. An Australian inferno. The UK covered in snow. Oh the horror of it all.

It’s only one month into 2019 and meteorologists are already talking in superlatives as extreme weather patterns have brought cities and towns across the globe to a standstill.

My superlative? Great!

Again, lets scare the beejeezus out of everybody. It is called winter in the Northern Hemisphere and summer in the Southern Hemisphere.

So fear not. It is only weather.

Insurance companies are purposely spreading doom and gloom and scary pictures of weather Armageddon. Why? So they can charge exorbitant rates for house insurance. It is a global scam…er… business now. And if the big (insert catastrophic event here) occurs they, the insurance companies, can immediately declare bankruptcy so that the average Joe and Josephine are hooped yet again. “Just takin care of business is all” a  genderless spokes- prick was heard to comment.

“Where is my yellow vest honey? And my shotgun!”

This guys kills me:

See the source image  Singh can’t sing.

I do not know about you but do you see the similarity here? A twin maybe?

See the source image

And speaking of employment, another great song from a great Canadian band.

Have a great Navy day.

 

SJ……………………………….Out