Category: A Very Short Story

From the Short Story Vault

The New Math

Are the Maldives still afloat? Yes but in 48 days they will be underwater. Just like my mortgage.

Too bad, so beautiful.

Another prediction from one of our esteemed scientists. Stephen Hawking is now saying that the end of the world is nigh. Remember this:

It’s about a pill that will change everything. Stephen Hawking says so.

So what will happen if I take this?” someone said. “Well, if you follow the regimen then you too can be as smart as Stephen Hawking.” Or be very, very careful with all of that new brain energy. This could happen to you:

or this:

Stephen Hawking is now saying the end of the world is nigh. Like this guy:

Image result for Pics of bill nye

Well if you have ever watched Bill Nigh the science guy Mr Hawking may be right.

Slide 5 of 21

Hey c’mon man. I’m feeling the love.

Trump in Japan

Image result for Pics of Trump's asian summit handshake

Good for a laugh. Just like these trade talks. Hey, anybody seen Justine?

Image result for Pics of Trump's asian summit handshake

Hey, did you just fart? Get me out of here.

The benefits of Marijuana usage. A new report taken from the old reports;

Slide 9 of 22: <p> Marijuana may throw off your balance, as it influences activity in the cerebellum and basal ganglia, two brain areas that <a href="https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/research-reports/marijuana/how-does-marijuana-produce-its-effects"> help regulate</a> balance, coordination, reaction time, and posture.</p>Yeah, take a look at this guy. “Yeah man, like I said, give me 6 minutes.” See, he’s taken the new math!

Slide 18 of 22: <p> In a <a href="http://www.pnas.org/content/early/2014/11/05/1415297111.abstract"> recent study</a>, scientists used MRI brain scans to get a better picture of the <a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/long-term-marijuana-use-effects-on-the-brain-2014-11?utm_source=msn.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=msn-slideshow&utm_campaign=bodyurl"> brains of adults who have smoked weed</a> at least four times a week for years.</p><p> Compared to people who rarely or never used the drug, the long-term users tended to have a smaller orbitofrontal cortex, a brain region critical for processing emotions and making decisions. But they also had stronger cross-brain connections, which scientists think smokers may develop to compensate.</p><p> Still, the study doesn't show that smoking pot caused certain regions of the brain to shrink; other <a href="http://www.biologicalpsychiatryjournal.com/article/S0006-3223(11)01043-2/fulltext"> studies</a> suggest that having a smaller orbitofrontal cortex in the first place could make someone more likely to start smoking.</p><p> Most researchers agree that the people most susceptible to brain changes are those who begin using marijuana regularly during adolescence.</p>

Regular weed use is linked with some specific brain changes — but scientists can’t say for sure whether one causes the other. “Is it the right side of the brain man or the left side.”  “Don’t know man. Give me another toke and we can discuss this further.”  “You mean farther.”  “No man further”

“Like, like the end of the world is nigh man, like, y’know. Like just ask Bill”

_____

Canada’s environment minister is upset at being called Climate Barbie. She was overheard complaining to her main confident Ken. Ken was heard to remark: “Sorry Ma’am but when you’re in the public spotlight you have to grow a pair.”

Seems that with all of these sexual expose’s we are hearing about everyone is coming out of their closets. “It’s a new fad man. Sexual Exploitation. Seems everyone is in on the act.” Harv was heard to say. Don’t know about you but I am tired of all of this degradation. St Andrea’s, please hear my prayer. You can’t come soon enough. BTW, I have a headache!

Meanwhile in Belgium:

Police hurt as Football fans go on the rampage. At least 22 police officers were injured in Brussels after violence broke out involving Moroccan football fans celebrating their team reaching next year’s World Cup.

Gawd I hate to see what happens if they had lost. Ah yes, Football the Beautiful Game:

Image result for pics of football riotsWho’s on First.

C’mon Europeans this is how it’s done at an American football match:

Image result for pics of football players taking the knee

What a riot man. Gotta love those sky blue uniforms.

You just know where this is going. New Ontario law:

Schedule 3 of Bill 174 – Cannabis, Smoke-Free Ontario and Road Safety Statute Law Amendment Act, 2017,

Whoever named this Bill is a wise fool, or an oxy-moron!

 

And for all of those BC lefty liberal proponents for social housing and high density accommodation, take a look at this:

Image result for pics of east european housing projectsIt has been done before. This is human nature and a result of misplaced social housing policies. Yes Victoria, this could be your new normal.

 

This just in from Bonn, venue for the UN’s COP 23 and their fight against climate change:

“The transition towards a zero-emission society must be designed in a way that does not aggravate inequalities or create social fractures, but instead helps to balance differences. In calling for a fair transition, the EESC has always refused to play employment off against environmental protection. These two objectives are closely linked and should be pursued with equal determination.”

Oh, you mean communism. I take you back to the picture just above.

 

Finally, this, courtesy of Maggie’s Farm and Moonbattery:

 

Told ya all along that 1 + 1 = 3. This according to the new math tablet discovered in a cave somewhere in Switzerland. Remember, children are our future.

The 3,700-year-old Babylonian tablet Plimpton 322 at the Rare Book and Manuscript Library at Columbia University in New York.The recently discovered New Math Tablet; “The IMath”

 

 

Happy Monday

SJ…………………………………………Out

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Brothers in Arms

Image result for pics of poppiesLest we Forget!………………………….Never

Veteran’s Affairs Canada: The Dieppe Raid was launched on August 19, 1942, and would prove to be the bloodiest single day for Canada’s military in the entire Second World War. Of the almost 5,000 Canadian soldiers who took part in this ill-fated raid on occupied France, more than half became casualties. Sadly, a total of 916 Canadians would lose their lives.

This year marks the 75th anniversary of the Dieppe Raid. The service and sacrifice of Canadians who fought there will never be forgotten.

 Lest we forget!
Song of the Day
Dire Straits: Brothers in Arms
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dBRQvXe91g
Cut and paste into your browser window above then hit return. Video will appear on You Tube.
SJ………………………..Out

War and Peace

Image result for pics of poppiesLest we forget. That religion of Peace……..NOT!

Slide 1 of 24: <p>It's been 16 years since the attacks of September 11, 2001. But for millions of Americans, haunting memories of that day are still fresh, and many lives were changed forever. </p><p> On 9/11, terrorists hijacked four planes and were able to crash two of them into the World Trade Center's twin towers in New York and one into the Pentagon.</p><p> The remaining jet crashed in Pennsylvania after passengers overpowered the hijackers.</p><p> A day that started out with clear blue skies ended with a mass of twisted, smoldering metal where the Twin Towers once stood, leaving 2,977 people dead in New York, Virginia, and Pennsylvania, along with the 19 hijackers.</p><p> September 11 happened almost two decades ago. One-quarter of Americans are too young to remember it. I have three kids who have no memory of it at all - they weren't born yet.</p><p> But we certainly don't want to forget, even as we get on with our lives and confront new challenges. So in memory of that day, here are 23 images that capture what no American should forget. And as someone living in New York City at the time, I can tell you what it was like to witness the tragedy as it unfolded.</p><p>Brittany Fowler contributed to a previous version of this story.</p>

VIMY Ridge Memorial: Commemorates battle for Vimy Ridge 09 April 1917. Canada’s baptism in fire and blood.

My Little ditty:

The Ridge

Reflection’s wise. Its true insight flies

Throughout our minds and forever binds us

To eternal life that is devoid of strife

Just peaceful thoughts, not restless, nor caught

Into that web of war to tread

Not normalcy! Pure madness bred our way to be

Yet as one we brand an ancestral land

As our spirits rise to embrace God’s sky

And shed away our fears.

–

Our thoughts of home as our mothers roam

Among our graves, their faces brave

To the sadness here of men with fear

Yet for our nation’s prayers we died out there

For a home sweet home, dear Canada

That knowledge bears a passion… flares

Within our hearts, to love; to shove

Our fears aside and run in stride

To get away from there

–

Over top we’d go in whistled throes

Then plunder us within gun sight foes

Such madness…crushed, our brothers flush

With abject fear with those guns so near

We’d pray in silence for our leader’s guidance

For in them we trust and as Canucks we thrust

So far ahead though we walked with dread

With the barrage we shudder, our blanket cover

Oh God we’re scared.

–

The earth it shakes… please mothers take us

Into your arms and away from harm

We’d fall in silence…no pride in violence

We looked ahead for behind ’s our dead

Their faces seared, no longer feared

Just a darkness now with thoughts that bow

To a light that’s gone, forever done

For now it seems our passion stream

Is ebbing some for our time has come

–

We fought for glory, each life a story

With silent breath we faced cruel death

Our youthful brash ‘gainst madness, crashed

Into the mud, the cold, the blood

That Ridge has been a horror scene

A Ridge that bears our lives and shares

Blood curdling chills, then silence… killed

And down we go with our cries now still

Just silent prayers to loved ones shared…so far from there

–

The death knell rings for our lives and brings

A peace you share from that Ridge out there

Is a peace we paved to our silent graves

And a peace we share in God’s love’s lair

We were men of arms, a brotherhood

Beyond that Ridge, your nationhood

With souls set free our spirits now see

Just peaceful lands and a national brand…your nation‘s free!

Yet horrendous loss this madness cost…Canadians!

–

Please…remember us

 

 

 

 

Grammar Lesson

Recently in the BC legislature, the INSOMNIA CURE — Green Party Leader Andrew Weaver blasted the NDP government in the house recently for “shocking, reckless indifference” — to the rules of grammar.

Debating a “minor corrections” bill that makes exactly what the title implies to a host of bills, he found one that correctly changes “whom” to “who.” But later on, in the Farm Practices Protection Act, a glaringly offensive “whom” was left untouched.

“Shame on the government for missing this,” he joked.

This exchange was heard in passing:

“Who?” Attorney General David Eby dove right into this.

“Of whom do you speak? No not whom, who you idiot. Don’t you know the difference? Who is a subject, whom is the object.”

“You are being objectionable.”

“Who? Me?” Eby retorted. “Listen the further and further you go down this rabbit hole the worse it will get.”

“Oh yeah, for who? For you or for him. Whom?”

“No you idiot you can’t say farther. You have to say further.”

“Says who?”

“No,no, no, not who, you have to say whom. Merriam says so”

“Whose Merriam?”

“No, no, no, its who’s Merriam”

“Yeah, just what I said: whose Merriam”

“And besides you can’t write its like that. Its should be it’s if thats what your saying?”

“You’re, not your.”

“What?” say Eby

“And besides you can’t say further down the rabbit hole. You have to say farther. Farther denotes distance, real distance. Further is metaphorical don’t you know. It is better to say farther in this case then further?”

“Says whom.”

“Says Webster.”

“Whose Webster?

“Who is Webster. Or who’s Webster. Not whose. Its better then that.”

“Then who. You can’t say then. You have to say than, comparatively speaking youse doorknob.”

“Whose calling me a doorknob. Who do you speak of.”

“Eee gads. Its wrong I tell you, its wrong.”

“Its or it’s. Than versus then. Further vs farther, who vs whom, who’s vs whose. Im going nuts.”

“I’m going nuts. Not Im going nuts, you hoser.”

“Whose calling me hoser.”

Gadszooks!

All of this while debating whose’s bill.

“Whose Bill? No bill you idiot. Shouldn’t that be who’s bill.”

“No you idiot. Bill Whoose. The Minister of Edumacation.”

 

All of the above reminds me just how difficult the English language can be, especially to someone learning it. Consider this:

Take the word “nit.” The Concise Oxford English Dictionary defines “nit” as a stupid person, a louse. Then add the letter “k” before the “n” and you have “knit.” Yet the word “nit” from the word “knit” is a whole different kettle of fish. And what is that anyway: a kettle of fish?

Now, let’s take the word “wit:” defined as someone with a sharp sense of humour, a player of words perhaps. As in “that man possesses wit. He has a sharp mind.” But then add the letter “t” before the “w” and you have “twit.” Or, combine the word “nit” with the word “wit” and you have a “nitwit.” But “nit” and “twit” together does not sound quite right – “nit-twit?”

Nonetheless, given that a “nit” is already defined as a stupid person, and “wit” is someone who has a sharp mind, then “nitwit” defiles all logic in a descriptive sense except perhaps to define someone who possesses a stupid “wit” – which in itself is oxymoronic. But “dimwit” already has that locked up. Yet what is really frustrating about the undercurrent of this word is that “dimwit” is the opposite of someone who has a sharp “wit.” So, that being the case, let’s call him or her a “blunt-sharp” person!

To make matters worse a “twit” could be someone who has a sharp “wit,” and is still a “nitwit” or a “dimwit.” So why can’t we call him or her a nit-twit? Or a “dim-twit”? The bottom line is that “nitwit” or “dimwit” sounds better. The other bottom line is that English words are just downright confusing without context and a shared understanding of the contextual environment we are communicating in.

Says who?

 

English grammar class is over for the day.

 

 

SJ……………..Out………………….Happy Mondaze to all youse people out there.

Barista, Weed and Other Things

Maldives? Well, what can be said. 67 more days:

Image result for madivesAll the seafood one could want.

Slide 1 of 11: <p>The epitome of elegance, the British royal family lives a life of opulence a commoner can barely fathom. Whether they were born in the spotlight or married into it, the well-heeled Brits have captivated the world for as long as anyone can remember.</p><p>The Mountbatten-Windsor clan resides in palaces, has personal staffers at their beck and call and regularly jets off to exotic locales. But in many ways, they’re just like regular people. They have bills, like to decorate for the holidays and like to dine out every so often. Take a look at how they spend their money, and <a href="https://www.gobankingrates.com/net-worth/rich-queen-elizabeth-rest-british-royal-family/">get a glimpse of the elite family’s financial state</a>.</p>“That was a good one Kate. Next time stay downwind of us will ya. Keep smiling or I’ll have to puke!”

Majority of Torontonians are now considered visible minorities. I am a Caucasian who grew up in Toronto and I now consider myself a visible minority. But why the visible label? Why not invisible. If you are a minority then no one can really see you if you are mixed up with a majority. But if you are part of a majority then how can you be labelled a minority. Huh? Huh?, Eh? Eh? The majority rules so they say and if you are the majority then you are visible, as the majority rules, not invisible like me, who is part of the invisible minority cause no one can see a white dude anymore, what with our white privilege etc, etc, etc. Only in Toronto you say. Thank F*&K for that. Lesson here? Stay well clear of big cities.

Well this is great:  A top UK official told the BBC last week that ISIS terrorists from the UK returning from Syria and Iraq will not be prosecuted. Instead, the government will try to reintegrate them back into society because they were “naive” when they joined the genocidal terrorist group. Yeah, let’s have a parade:

Image result for pics of isis “What’s the problem here guys? One was heard to say. “We are only getting ourselves ready for Guy Fawkes Day. By the way can someone tell us how to get to Whitehall?

Trump Derangement Syndrome: Anguished Liberals plan shout-out on the anniversary of Trump’s election. Yeah, we would much rather have these guys in charge. See, even the guy in the green sweater thinks this is funny.

Oh millennials hate being labelled as such. Too effin bad. Gov’t paid a firm $54K to find this out. Man of man, or woman, or zey, zir, zits or zat is too effin bad. This from a dude, me, who has borne the Baby Boomer label all of his life. Here’s the chart produced by Gov’t as only a Gov’t can do.

 

 

 

 

Hey, as a boomer I can relate to the couch but where’s the pic of the basement in all of this. “Want to be heard as we hate to listen. We’re socially responsible as long as we can get our weed cheap and legally. We want to participate – ANTIFA, BLM, SJW comes to mind and of course we all have Pride in all that we do. Yeah we’re tech natives and cry babies. We have the entrepreneurial spirit as long as we don’t have to listen to anybody, and we want experiences that take ourselves outside of our comfort zone – and that doesn’t mean taking the trash out. LISTEN TO US. It’s all about me, me, me, me, and more me.”

Oxymoron of the week: “Canadian Correctional Services.” The Grand Valley federal prison for women received its first male inmate last week, a 54-year-old man who is still a fully functional male who hasn’t yet undergone re-assignment surgery. Only in Canada. Get this: “She hadn’t violated any parole conditions, but began to “present as emotionally volatile,” a “behavioural deterioration which seems to have coincided with the start of hormone therapy,” CSC documents suggest, as only a government paid shrink could assess. Wonderful zey all agreed.

I can only cry file. Which industry creates the most wealth and reduces poverty in Canada? The resource sector! For those not familiar with this term resources equate to oil and gas exploration and extraction, lumber, mining, fishing etc – all activities that the NDP, Green and now Liberals want to discredit and eliminate from our national lexicon. Their solution. Baristas on every street corner and cheap weed. Keep the populace stoned all the time and they will be happy. But in all of this and by adopting the new math – something that I have shown many times on this blog – they have forgotten this simple equation:

Strong economy = good paying jobs = more taxes = more government revenue = more social services = higher standard of living = happy wife = happy life. Take any of those elements out and you have??????? ……. “The Maritime Provinces in Canada!”

In Toronto: Trick or Treat equates to dental floss, apples and free passes to the library. I hear that the sale of eggs to young people has increased ten fold in this progressive city in the days leading up to Halloween.

Darwin Award candidate of the year: “It’s been over a week since we learned the plight of Canadian Joshua Boyle and his American wife, Caitlin Coleman, allegedly kidnapped by the Taliban while enjoying a backpacking trip to Afghanistan. Why wouldn’t Boyle want to take his very pregnant wife backpacking in one of the most up-side down, gunned-up regimes in the world? What could possibly go wrong? 5 years as a hostage, that’s what (Rebel).

Image result for pics of boyle family taken hostage by taliban

Afghanistan National Park, welcoming committee.

Image result for pics of boyle family taken hostage by talibanHeard in pissing that they’re going to settle in Bountiful British Columbia. With that beard he will be a shoe-in. Not sure about her though. Poor kids – not shown here.

 

That’s all she wrote.

 

 

SJ………………………….out.