Category: Weirdness and Craziness

You can’t make this up!

Lawyers!

Happy Birthday Gord!

Took a week off from walking in prep for the Vezelay trip. Big mistake. It feels as if I am walking for the very first time. Aches, pains and small blisters. I should have kept the pace going without a break. But then again it could be because I am an old fart……nah!

Elon Musk may be a gazillionaire but his taste in clothes feels bargain basement dwelling.

REUTERS/Eduardo Munoz

In another take on his entrepreneurial BS mantra of using other people’s money, he states that his Mars Spacecraft will be ready for short hops in 2019. Short hops in space? Like where in space is a short hop?

See the source imageReally!

Again investors are salivating. In response Musk delivers MARS Bars to all of his admirers. Savvy dude and their tasty too but I wouldn’t invest a plug nickel with this guy. Beware of false prophets or MARS Bar aliens:

Trump frustrated with Guiliani. No really? Already? It’s only been a week or so. Any Lawyer jokes around?

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can’t understand

On a new take of Lawyer-speak NFL Cheerleader Baily Davis, who has asked to remain anonymous, has hired a lawyer to take her case before the NFL in that cheerleaders are being sexually her-assed. “If the talks with the league don’t lead to alterations to the treatment of cheerleaders, lawsuits could still be filed.” she reiterated. In response her lawyer said: We didn’t have to sign away our right to sue,” Blackwell said. “We can file a lawsuit and that’s the plan (if the talks with the league don’t yield results). We don’t want a bunch of money. We want to make this program better.” …..yeah right. Butt (sic) remember Ms Davis a lawyer, like a wagon wheel, must be well greased!” Enough of lawyers.

Bucking the trend “Hard done by. Whoa is me!”

Jane Fonda’s latest film “Book Club” comes out later this year….Can’t wait!

Love this from Canada’s Immigration Minister  Ralph Goodale: “Seeking asylum is not a free ticket to Canada.”  “No, but we do accept VISAs” he remarked later.

Say it ain’t so Ralphie!

From “the world is going to hell in a handbasket” file comes this:

Guy tells a lingerie joke on an elevator. Unfortunately for him there is a “Gender Studies” professor onboard and she goes ballistic. He is discredited professionally. She? Continues with her Gender Studies.

Guy’s professional and personal reputation destroyed all because he considers himself a Conservative. I do believe there should be a “Pink Shirt Day” for progressives! Bullies, all of them.

In a case that has triggered public outrage, a top Finnish court has upheld a ruling that sex between an asylum seeker and a 10-year-old girl didn’t constitute rape. Critics are calling for harsher sentences for child abuse. “This isn’t Canada you know” he was heard to remark. “We cannot tolerate such behavior.”

In France a French Man – is there any other kind? – is on trial for having sex with a 10 year old child. His lawyers claim – using Canadian logic – that he isn’t a predator because the so called victim isn’t a child:

Q: What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?
A: Not enough cement.

Geesh

Democratic Lawyers and the Russian Connection (Maggie’s Farm)

“We’ll leave no tit unturned!”

I’ll end it there. I have an appointment with my lawyer.

Song of the day:

Have a nice day.

SJ……………………………………….Outff

One Thing Leads to Another

Went golfing yesterday. First round of the season for me.

I sucked. Although I have been retired from the Navy now for 7 years I am still playing a military style of golf: left, right, left, right, left, right. Halt, while I look for my balls in the trees. Which reminds me of why I got that “Big Bertha” of a driver. It gives me about 50 – 100 yards further distance into the bush.

I once played with a guy who was really good but he cheated like crazy. One day we were out playing, started around noon, and he told me. SJ, if the ball falls within the shadow of the flag it’s a gimme. Really! Well that’s okay at noon but at 4pm it’s another story in itself…..Geesh.

What did Mark Twain say about golf?: “how to destroy a perfectly good walk in the park.” or something like that. So true.

Mystery of Life: …so why do they yell “four” on a golf course to indicate that a ball may hit you or come close to you? Why don’t they just yell “duck”? It has more of an oomph to it. No confusion whatsoever.

Oh well. Hopefully my game will come to the “four” this summer!

Is there anyone out there in blogland like me truly tired of the constant news barrage about Trump?

Trudeau states: “To those fleeing persecution, terror & war, Canadians will welcome you, regardless of your faith….or mental state. Diversity is our strength #WelcomeToCanada. Brain damage ended his career in the US. Welcome to Canada. Now practicing in Saskatchewan. Where??

Unintended consequential update: …patient in Saskatchewan who required surgery on his right knee, has right frontal lobe of his brain removed… Diversity is our strength y’know. We’ll hire anybody!

Canadian NDP shunted from “Caucus” due to alleged – there’s that word again – conduct: Their investigator found…. “that he, Weir, had probably sat or stood too close to people at social events and tried to talk to them when they didn’t want to talk.

The NDP alligators were out in force:

See the source image
Singh, the NDPs leader said Weir ‘failed to read non-verbal cues in social situations…’”

Non verbal cues. Canadian code for:  “Why oh why couldn’t they have just told me to “fook off””

Another Mystery of Life: why hasn’t the radical feminist movement objected to the word ‘Caucus” used in parliamentary circles? Huh? Huh?

“It’s not inclusive” a female’s member said.

This just in:

Stone tools found in the Philippines predate the arrival of modern humans to the islands by roughly 600,000 years—but researchers aren’t sure who made them.

The eye-popping artifacts, unveiled on Wednesday in Nature, were abandoned on a river floodplain on the island of Luzon beside the butchered carcass of a rhinoceros. .

The carved bones are most likely between 631,000 and 777,000 years old, with researchers’ best estimate coming in around 709,000 years old. The research pushes back occupation of the Philippines to before the known origin of our species, Homo sapiens.

But the question remains:

…it’s an open question on how these hominins crossed an open ocean?

Well, that’s easy: in an open boat stupid! And then they came to Canada:

“To those fleeing persecution, terror & war, Canadians will welcome you, regardless of your faith state (as long as it’s not Christian)….or mental state, or evolutionary state. Diversity is our strength #WelcomeToCanada….well stated! Homo Erections from the Philippines are more than welcome here…especially in Toronto.”

Boy Scout madness!  (Italics are mine)

The Boy Scouts have been slowly dying for years because people insist girls should be able to join — much to the Girl Scouts’ chagrin. The race for inclusivity at any cost started with Boy Scouts having a policy against gay staff members — a policy that quickly died.

The group accepted its first “transgender” scout in 2017 — a nine-year-old. In doing so, they officially ditched the policy of determining gender by birth certificate. A 9 year old transgendered? Are they for real here?

Understandably, the Girl Scouts of America is not happy about this change. The organization has vocally opposed gender inclusion the whole way through. Nevertheless, more than 3,000 girls have signed up to join the what used to be the Boy Scouts. That’s a direct threat to the girl scouts — therefore a direct threat to your supply of thin mints and Maple Flavoured Cookies.

Clearly, America needs to wake up and remember boys and girls are different. Thank God for that. Have you ever looked closely at “Bruce “the Caitlyn” Jenner’s pictures?” Shudder the vision.

But the radical progressives would have us think differently. These maniacs are out to destroy our civilization. They have to be stopped.

Be careful as one thing will just lead to another.

Song of the day:

SJ……………………………….Out

Read ya on Monday. Have a great weekend.

 

Sh*t for Brains

Hidden Agenda? So who has the hidden agenda? Harper or Trudeau?

“Kinder Morgan is important for our national interest” Trudeau tells Canadians and then on the world stage tells France and European Leaders that he is ashamed of Alberta’s oil sands and will do all that he can to shut them down. Commenting on the high price of gas in Vancouver and Victoria – most expensive in North America – well, he is in total agreement: “This is exactly what we want….yesssss!”

This puppet is out to destroy the Canadian economy and emasculate Alberta’s livelihood. He is a feminist after all. The premier of BC and his puppet-master, the leader of the green party, are ecstatic over this. The sad thing is that they were voted in in the first place and will probably win another term. Reminds me of my comment about MacDonald’s. They raised their menu prices and sales soared….duh?

See the source image“I have a dream…….man”

“And it doesn’t include you”

This gas thingy can really turn me on….man.See the source imageCompared to Harper this man’s dream is a nightmare!

Have to laugh at a survey done about countries that have the most freedom. Sweden, Norway and Finland tied for first. Are you kidding me? These countries are probably the most regulated countries in the world. Consider 250 regulations on how cucumbers are to be grown and distributed. And, they have to be a strait as an arrow man-people. They, the cucumbers that is, cannot be bent. Well, is that freedom? Straight? The LGBTQRSTUVWXY and Z crowd in these places are all in a tizzy over that bit of news. No  you cannot do what you want in these places and the taxes are sky high. Just ask a cucumber farmer and he’ll tell you straight up!

The UN is all excited about this one. If the Scandinavian countries can pull “the sheep’s wool” over our eyes with this stat just think what we could do with the sale and regulation of “wellies” all over the sheep farming world. Finally, a new world order. “One world government here we cum…er come!” the head of the UN – who wished to remain anonymous – remarked recently.

And, have you seen Sweden lately?

See the source image“We want to be like Norway!”                        “Their cucumbers are straighter than ours…shameful!”

A Swedish cucumber grown in Sweden’s red light district:

See the source imageThe response was immediate:

See the source image   Sweden’s cucumber riot squad hit the streets:

See the source image

“And what about Swedish meat balls?” someone asked

“Don’t even go there!” the police responded.

And in Finland? The # 1 freedom country in the world? Just as straight as can be man!

See the source imageNext week? Zucchinis!

From the…they just cannot give it up file comes this headline from the Hill:

“Impeachment Looms Large in the White House”

Just one day after the leader of South Korea stated publicly that Trump should win the Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts in ending the Korean War and bringing peace to the peninsula after 63 years….Geesh.

“Yeah but….” Nancy Pelosi, who wishes to remain anonymous, stated categorically. “We all know it was Bernie Sanders who played his cards appropriately in this showdown with North Korea, not Trump.

“Damn you Who Flung Poo” Bernie shouted at the leader of North Korea while at the negotiating table. “Hearts are trump, not spades….hearts” Poo took out his clubs and whacked Bernie with all he had.

“I call” he said.

Bernie, in desperation yelled. “This is Bridge you idiot…Bridge. Not some international poker game. This is serious business. It saved me during my University days…… I’ll lead off here with…. “jacks””

“Okay? Fish!” Poo answered.

And so it was. Bernie Sanders played Euchre with the leader of North Korea all day and finally won.  For his efforts and perseverance he is up for the 2018 Nobel Peace Prize in trumping North Korea.

As for Trump? Last time I heard it was diamonds.

It would appear these guys have sh*t for brains:

a man wearing a blue shirtBeckham shows off his latest tattoos

Just wait until you are old and wrinkly dude.

Only in Canada would you hear or see this headline…and in French too!

“Well, it depends! Are you a man-people or a wo-people?”

“Neither. Hey, I am a zay, maybe a zee, or a zit, or a zat. Last time I checked I had a weenee Mr Financial wizard dude”

And from another original Canadian thought comes this:

Ottawa demands that North Korea abandon its nuclear program.

               Or else, we will send our covert surveillance resources to spy on you!

The leader of North Korea responds in kind:

See the source image“Can Canadian sub sink? Me sinks not”

I can see you Canada…ooooo, I am soooo scared.

Enough of this, or that, or zay, zee, zits or zat.

Non Binary? The gift that keeps on giving to bloggers like me.

Song of the day:

Have a nice day.

SJ…………………………………….Out

Don’t Worry. The Bomb Won’t Kill Ya!

Vezelay, here I come in 98 days…hopefully.

See the source imageLooks really, really nice to me, don’t ya think?

Check out Kurofune link at the top right of this page. My first crack at being a writer.

Sad about Toronto van incident. My home town, Toronto. What possible motive could anyone have in doing this? But it’s not terrorism…according to Trudeau government.

Don’t know about you but if I saw a van barreling down on me on a sidewalk in a city I would be sacred shitless, wouldn’t you? If that isn’t terror I don’t know what is! Of course Trudeau paid out $10.5M to a convicted terrorist and apologized to him for being a…terrorist. He was soooo misunderstood, according to Liberal government officials. Just ask the victim’s wife.

Being bored is the number one downside of being rich, according to some millionaires. Lack of purpose or get up and go…where? Well anywhere if you’re rich. I’d like to try being rich and bored rather than being poor and postal in my current job….Geesh. Some could be so lucky.

Another mystery of life…

See the source imageThis dude’s eyes are scary!

…have you ever noticed that while all the hair on your body turns grey when you get old, your eyebrows stay the same youthful colour? Hmmm? Hmmm? Perhaps to remind us what we once were every time we look into the mirror. Just another mystery of life.

Only in the UK! Lip-Reader reveals what Will and Kate remarked during official baby photoshoot.

Prince William, Duke of Cambridge et al. standing in front of a building: Prince William and Duchess Kate leave the hospital with their newborn baby boy at St. Mary's Hospital in London on April 23, 2018.     “Piss off!”

Charles’ reaction to royal baby?

Proud grandfather Prince Charles has congratulated Prince William and Kate Middleton on their third child and it has to be the cutest reaction yet!: Prince Charles' sweet reaction to the Royal Baby. “It’s a what?”

“A zir, a zay, a zitz or titz? C’mon, what gender is the baby?”  “It’s non binary Charley. You are sooo, sooo, 1980’s.”

a person wearing a hatA Cal state English professor will keep her job university officials stated. Her vile comments about Barbara Bush and her death are protected under the First Amendment..they proffered. How I love that word…proferred. And apoplectic, posit…other university-speak buzzwords. If a male had said that he would have been gone before he even deposited it. First Amendment right? This from a University that will talk the talk but not walk the walk because they, the university staff, all agree with her but can’t acknowledge that publicly. Note: would you want your children to be taught by someone like this. Notice the Palestinian coloured scarf. Progressives…UNITE!

WaPo Headline: “Trump having trouble holding his wife’s hand.” Are you kidding me? Perhaps his hand was sweating. Meanwhile over at another illustrious news-rag comes this. “Trump struggling to hold the hands of his wife”…or… from the NYT’s undercover reporter: “What really happened to Trump in Moscow.

They just will not leave this guy alone. Love him or hate him, nobody deserves this kind of tabloid press…and that is why I will never subscribe to a newspaper ever again. Trump Derangement Syndrome in spades here.

Trudeau blames the Conservatives under Harper for Canada’s current border crisis. Of course he does. What, not Trump? C’mon. Everybody knows Trump is at fault for every crisis on this planet.

Why is everyone all of a sudden so concerned about Russian missiles being able to hit Manhattan or anywhere else in the world today? This is not new Millennials:

See the source imageScene from Dr. Strangelove

See the source image The war room scene in Dr. Strangelove.

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb was released in 1964!

See the source image“and then it goes………kaboom!”

So move on millennials. No story here

Penn States “Outing” club is now banned from going outside.

What’s more dangerous: rugby, or a walk in the woods? At Pennsylvania State University, the administrators apparently think it’s the latter.

A key issue for administrators was that the Outing Club frequently visit locations with poor cell phone coverage. This wasn’t an issue during the Coolidge administration, but now that cell phones exist, students are apparently expected to remain glued to them at all times.

“Whoa, whoa wait a minute”…one Penn State University official was heard to say “I thought this was a “Coming Out” club, as in coming out, not camping out.” Same thing ain’t it?

And this is just another reason why I would suggest that nobody in their right, or left mind encourage their children to go to university. Learn a trade man or maness, dude or dudess.

Chicago Sun Times going under? It’s about time!

Shania Twain shamed by the media because she dared to say she would have voted for Trump. She backed down to the pressure of the liberal thought police.

And here I thought it was her horse!

So the media isn’t biased huh? The scary thing today is a person’s livelihood, reputation and well being can be destroyed just for saying that they are a conservative. Just ask Tim Allen about that with respect of how Holly’s Woody in the Morning crowd treated him when he came out publicly as a conservative.

1984 redux…you bet. It is scary.

As for me?

SJ…………………………………Out

 

Japanese Enzymes

99 more sleeps to Vezelay

See the source image

Check out Kurofune, my first crack at writing a novel. Click on the link above right…thanks.

Enzyme that was being researched by the Japanese was found to eat plastic by mistake. Wow: They can eat plastic bottles? Unfortunately landfills in Japan are starting to look like this:

See the source imageUnintended consequences.

Did you know that mammals became smaller after the introduction of humans? Especially in North America! Of course its “whitey’s” fault. Well no. Who populated North America before “whitey?”  Oh damn, move on. No story here folks.

From the Bananarama file comes this bit of news. According to CNN, the cable news networks that aired this piece 47 times in one hour, shows some guy who fractured his “penis:”. How can this be? I thought. The penis is a muscle. So how can you fracture a muscle? You can’t but you can definitely pull a muscle! This is……… CNN.

M n M hits 10 years of sobriety:

Yeah, he looks happy!     Eminem.

I like the yellow ones best!

From the: “I couldn’t care less file comes this:”

25 Things You Shouldn’t Do At A Gym: and farting wasn’t one of them. Whew. Thanks to the “beano” gawds for that.

From the “Who gives two ^%$& file comes this:”

Kendall Jenner flirting with Diplo. Diplo? Diplo? Who on earth calls themselves that? “Oh he used to be known as Dipstick the Dipshit.” his publicist was heard to remark. Fans were getting confused so he changed his name to Diplo.

Kendall Jenner was seen getting close to Diplo as they partied at the 2018 Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival in Indio, California.Why can he just be known as George?

By the way. Who the *&^% is Kendall Jenner? Caitlyn’s twin brother?

From the “Die caught of mee” file comes this: The Trudeau government has refused to act on this issue (Kinder Morgan Pipeline expansion) in any meaningful way despite the constitution clearly saying that something like a pipeline that crosses provincial borders is within federal jurisdiction. BC says otherwise then castigates Alberta and Saskatchewan for operating and threatening BC within the realm of the Canadian Constitution. Of course the constitution also says I should be able to take beer across a provincial border and the Supreme Court just ripped that up with Trudeau’s help.

“Damn,” these guys remarked. Did they say Beer? No Beer?

See the source imageConcerned Canadians.

Meanwhile, back at the farm our dear leader is shown working (no joke) while a photographer takes a picture of a photographer taking Dear Leader’s picture.

Of course our Dear Leader is autographing a picture of himself. “Hard work” he was heard to remark. “You know, I could get “Harpo Tundra” syndrome from doing this.”

Really? See the source image

Only in Canada would you see this headline:

In Blocking Beer, Supreme Court (of Canada) Shows Horgan (Premier of BC) The Path to Block the Pipeline. It then goes on to say: “Collateral damage of the Supreme Court’s decision that beer needs to be criminalized to protect milk, John Horgan gets the court’s blessing to block the pipeline and to criminalize beer to protect milk.

Latest heard from concerned Canadians:

See the source image“Wait! Did they say to protect Milk??

Harvard decides that Free Speech is far right.

No it’s “far out” man.

How far down the toilet has our civil-ization run?:

“Barbara Bush was a generous and smart and amazing racist who, along with her husband, raised a war criminal. F*** outta here with your nice words,” the professor tweeted. “I’m happy the witch is dead. Can’t wait for the rest of her family to fall to their demise the way 1.5 million Iraqis have.” (University of Fresno Professor of English Literature)

Nice! From those tolerant lefties. And that is why I encourage all young people to learn a trade and stay well clear of Universities.

From the “Unintended Consequences” file comes this headline in the UK:

“9 out 10 teenagers at drug treatment centres being treated for cannabis addiction.”

“Who would have thunk it?”

In Canada? No story here folks, move on:

This is what happens to a Canadian Millennial brain on the weed:

See the source image

Enough of this shyte dude. There is just too much craziness out there.

Song of the day:

The lead guitar player is surely on to something.

Have a great Monday.

SJ………………………………Out