Baseball and Other Things

Hey Jay, what’s a shakin today?

Oh hello George. Not very much I am afraid to say. Can’t seem to find any craziness out there. Even with this erection coming…er election!

Did ya watch the game last night George?

What game Jay?

Cubs, y’know baseball? Historic win and all that? 1908.

Cable Guide said 1900, er 7pm Jay. 8 minutes for the anthem – wow. Who destroyed it?Mariah?

Never mind George, never mind.  All I can say is they, the Cubs, cut a 108 year old drought.

All in the name of Climate Change Jay?

Hey, why not George. They blame haemorrhoids on climate change so why not baseball droughts.  All I can say is that there is hope for the Leafs yet!

Go Sens Go!

Only problem I have with this series is that game went on for 4.5 hours for 10 innings. Sometimes I think the managers out-manage themselves and drag the game on.

I can remember the Detroit Tiger”s World Series win back in 1968. I think Denny McLean won 30 games for the Tigers that season. Mickey Loliches won 3 games during the series, with McClean winning one, game 6 I think. Now think of that? 3 games won by one pitcher. Never see that now because it’s all about the Managers, not the players George, the Managers.

Y’know, the average time for the average game back then was about 2.5 hours. Why? Well they have a rule in baseball that they rarely follow today where a pitcher has 20 seconds to throw the next pitch once the catcher has thrown the ball back to him.  And they didn’t scratch their nuts or scratch their assess as much back then as they do now. And…and the batters stayed within the box… or they were out.

One out, runner on third and what does the Cub’s manager call??? A bloody bunt! Or, yanking Jon Lester after 3 innings because an Indian hit a single off of him. In comes Chapman for the subsequent walk, then a double then a home run. Game is tied. I felt sorry for Chapman. Good thing the Cub’s bats didn’t have Blue Jays written all over them as they were able to rally in the 10th! Good win!

Sounds great Jay. So, anything else new and exciting?

Snow back east.

Already Jay!

Yup, in Ottawa and New Hampshire. Nothing like this seen since the 1960s, snow they say!

And in response to this crazy weather, the Canadian Government wants to get that Carbon Tax going.  Seems that Trudeau is going to reap what Harper snowed! I know, I know…groan.

Good one Jay, good one.

Oh and from the World is Flat crowd:

US Hurricane expert is wrong because he dared to state that severe storms such as hurricanes have been in decline in the US over the past 11 years. It doesn’t fit the narrative so the science is wrong and he’s no expert…so they say. And who are they? Well, they are the same folks who brought us the story about those university students who believe that witchcraft exists and provides mankind with a credible explanation for the natural world, as opposed to Newton, or Archimedes, as to why and how witches throw lightening bolts at each other. They’re pushing to make it an Olympic Sport I hear.

Oh and Archimedes works for Big Oil George. Remember that.

I know Jay, you keep mentioning that Archimedes guy.

I just can’t help it George. Stupidity breeds contempt.

Another timbit George from the Halls of Macademia nuts in that in Canada canoes are symbols of imperialism, colonialism and aggression.  Blame it on those dastardly Brits and their evil empire. You know: Magna Carta, rule of law and all that, what? Why would anyone pay good money to attend university these days is beyond me.

Does that go for canoodling as well Jay?

 

Shakey Jay…out

A Rat’s Ass

I couldn’t give a rat’s ass:

About the US Election;

About who wins the US Election. Yes Virginia, the sun will rise on November the 9th;

About Carbon Taxes or “The Air that I Breathe” (by the Hollies – 1974);

About the Toronto Maple Leafs. They won their first game this year. They’re already planning the parade!;

About Crap n Trade;

About pro-nouns or the anti-Christ;

About a Trans-am;

About Trans-Canada pipeline;

About Trans fat;

About Trans Gendered. Hey let Ze, He or Hir be him, her, or they, or whomever

About Climate Change;

About Global Warming;

About Global Cooling;

About space weather;

About weather

About Communities of Parties;

About Moonbats of Parties;

About Parties!

Heard last night that one lady wanted to give trick or treat-ers a toothbrush and some dental floss! I dearly hope she didn’t give out her address or where she lives as her house would surely be a prime target for the “egg man.”

About bad teeth;

Local news also ran a fairly lengthy segment about the fire hazards of Halloween costumes. That and the dental floss crowd will surely freak out new parents with young trick or treat-ers.

About do-gooders and Gladys Cravitz;

There is a danger around every pumpkin Virginia;

About white pumpkin lattes;

Jack-O-Lanterns trigger micro-aggressive behaviour;  or was that just the sugar kicking in;

About safe spaces

Let kids be kids. Shut the front door for heaven’s sake;

About risk averse-ers;

Why do the media always focus on the negative?;

About the MSM;

Victorians complained about too little rain this past summer;

About the enviro-mental- lists

Victorians complain about too much rain this October;

About the LNG in the Saanich Inlet

Archimedes works for Big Oil

Eeee Gads!

Don’t worry, be happy – as Bobby McFerrin would sing. Whenever I feel low I think of this song.

It’s All Saints Day. It’s also my wife’s birthday and she is a real saint.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Sport of Idiots*

There we were with our skates, parkas, toque perhaps, no helmets, gloves or mitts, blue jeans and the like. Red rosy cheeks, with clear warm snot running down from our noses.  Sniff, sniff and sniff again: soon to be yellow tinged icicles hanging, dangling from our nostrils and the cleft of our chins.  But hey, it was healthy snot!  On top of that, tingling toes and burning fingers signalling the early onset of frostbite – but we didn’t care. We were alive and young, and free.  The faster we flew on our blades the warmer we felt and exhilarated by the sweet nectar of being alive.

We would set up a couple of goals and play a form of pond hockey. The sound of slapping sticks or pucks to wooden blades: the swishing, whishing and crunching sounds of our blades on ice were the only sounds to be heard. Of course there was also the odd whooping, whistling and ribbing sounds coming from someone’s mouth when a deek, a fake or a shot of speed was masterfully executed. Laughing, sometimes arguing, ranting and definitely cursing when a puck went astray off the ice and into the snow. Normally we could find it but on those rare occasions when we couldn’t find the puck in the snow banks we came up with our favourite “Barrel Jumping” competition.

“Barrel Jumping” used to be an accredited winter sport, both amateur and professional.  But it was never a winter Olympic event but it should have been. I remember watching it on the Wide World of Sport TV program: that late Saturday afternoon stalwart sports program, “the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat,” which I believe is no longer a fan favourite being replaced by the mundane and hyped Monday Night Football and the like. Barrel Jumping was a real man’s sport, sort of like winter’s version of the “High Jump and Long Jump” combined and all rolled into one event except that on completing the leap the competitor either landed squarely on his blades on the ice in triumphant jubilation or crash mercilessly, convulsively into the barrels themselves. Or, with hope upon hope, he tripped himself up after his leap into space falling on to his backside then sliding into the boards of the rink or snow bank.  Unlike the “High Jump” there were no padded landing zones to break the skaters fall just the hard cold ice zone to break ones legs, one’s knees, ankles or pride.  Concussions seemed to top the list as well. Probably a good thing as the more one became concussed the braver one became in this sport. It was like their badge of honour. No, it was not the Sport of Kings but rather the sport of Dentists, Orthodontists, Chiropractors and Idiots.

The premise being that, in spite of idiocy and insanity, it was all about jumping over plastic barrels on skates, on ice of course. The more barrels that were cleared the more adventurous and dangerous it became. It was very popular in the Northern States, particularly New York State around the Lake Placid area; Vermont, New Hampshire, Maine plus the backwoods of Quebec and parts of northern Ontario, Manitoba and Saskatchewan Canada. It was a hugely popular and well followed event. We all had our own barrel jumping heroes of course.

The competitor, or idiot on skates, would circle the barrels like some sort of displaced matador insanely focused on the barrels themselves that were racked side by side on the ice.  Starting with one barrel the excitement and suspense of the fans grew exponentially as the number of barrels increased: two, three, five, eight, ten and on and on it went until there was only one man left standing, or sliding into the boards. The crowds would cheer as each participant cleared the barrels in flight and cheered even louder if one came crashing down into one of the barrels. The cacophony of oooos, aaaahs and groans were the real metric of approval. Scoring was dependant upon the competitor’s misstep and choreographed mishap, which was the real essence that made this event so compelling from a spectator’s perspective. With each subsequent jump the competitors would try and outdo one another for the admiration and adulation of the crowds. Some would twirl, some would spin and some would jump like a figure skater before building up the speed over distance that was necessary to clear the barrels. 10, 20, sometimes 30 miles per hour they could muster, their leg muscles bulging with every stride: their arms flinging in a sideways motion as if giving flight like an airplane or like the birdbrains that they were. The jumper must leap about 6 or seven feet in the air with a forward projection if he has any hope of clearing the barrels.

The competitor must have agility, speed and guts and be intellectually challenged if he is to be successful in this sport. Some would just leap and fall without the grace or agility of a showman. Others would appear to be running in thin air: their legs, arms and skates pumping like the madmen that they were while others had the audacity and fool’s courage to project themselves horizontally over the barrels once in the air, like a human cannonball or like superman in flight with their arms outstretched dead ahead only to come crashing down to earth headlong into the barrelled mass. These guys were a crowd favourite. In essence the sport of barrel jumping was never really about clearing the barrels but about the chaotic showmanship of the competitors and their relationship with the barrels themselves as they went flying in all directions.

Unfortunately Barrel Jumping never became an Olympic sport. Instead we have Rhythmic Gymnastics!

“It was too brutal of a sport” a commentator was heard to say. “No one ever made it as all the competitors seemed to fall on their backsides.

Yessss exactly

 

*Except from “I Thought I’d Died and Gone to Heaven”