Tag: Flatulance

Heartfelt Aid

My, my, my.

Never mind the war in Ukraine, the Greenies are all in a tizzy over this:

A Kalibr Missile just hit Net Zero bulls eye: Germany wakes old coal plants, UK talks of backflip on gas, oil, fracking too.

Hoo..aahh

A Canadian cow mooing in agreement in French

Canada’s Green Party’s official portrait. Always angry!

Bulls Eye Borås - YouTube

“Methane kills…don’t ya know.”

Canada?….ah nooo. We are saving the planet.

And speaking of Canada and the war in Ukraine:

Backpacks, beans and 60s-era rocket launchers: The military gear Canada pledged for Ukraine – that was supposed to go to Canada’s army.

“Beans, beans are good for the heart. The more they eat the more they’ll fart.

Butt…butt…(sic) climate change? Oh nooo. All those beans.

These Guys Made A Magic Carpet And Took It Around New York | HuffPost ...

Flatulance…methane. Trudeau calls Guibault and his Defense Minister up on his magic carpet over this one. Their response:

“We confused rocket launchers with beans…we’re  afraid to say.

Putin is shaking in his boots over this one.

Another Liberal government takeover:

Trans Mountain (TMX) blames massive spike in project cost on natural disasters, debt costs — and frogs

TMX now expected to cost $21.4 billion to build because of cost overruns and construction delays…and frog legs.

And the Liberals are going to mandate EVs and control the climate?

Next headline: TMX pipeline project scrapped by the Liberal government. Frogs are croaking in jubilation.

Here is an old classic: Pipeline by the Ventures.

They better be careful so as not to be cancelled.

Speaking of beans, I gotta go. Read ya later.

John

Check out my books. They would make excellent Christmas gifts while helping out a starving Canadian author. Thanks in advance.

www.johnmorrisonauthor.com

Moonbats….Flatulance…and…

Sub Prime Car Loans: next major financial crisis thingy. Read the small print people! 25% annual interest rate – are you kidding me? – little down and end up paying double for what the car is worth. Double down folks, not up for heaven’s sake.

Guy is pilloried for criticizing Islam and banned from speaking at Berkley. He is an equal opportunity speaker in that his diatribes on religious zealots include all religions, particularly Christianity.

“Being all inclusive that we are we’ll let you slam Christianity but not Islam” one of the organizers was heard to say…..Geesh

Trudeau is changing the Canadian Citizen guide to make it more Sharia compliant. This on the heels of the refugee who beat his wife with a hockey stick…eh? Pure Canadian eh? “Well, at least it was a hockey stick” said one immigration official by the name of “Rocket,” who cited anonymity. Added to that “We will change the guide immediately to tell new Canadians from Muslim or other countries who honour honour killings that the preferred weapon of choice here in Canada would be a “Victoriaville” due to its shaped blade and shaft flexibility. It bends back after that slap shot.”

Government gouging vacationers with onerous taxes every step  of the way. Solution? Stay at home where you can smoke that cigar, have that beer, chase your woman, eat what you want, sleep for free, sleep in, no road hassles, walk around naked, fart, belch, scratch your ass, wobble your nuts, watch sports…do whatever. Of course, having the wife around may put a damper to that vacation fantasy.

Teslas and Other EVs equate to major government subsidies, which equate to increased taxation which equates to….SCREW YOU! See home vacation above.

When the carbon tax boondoggle runs its course and the government can squeeze no more taxes from your wallet, I believe that they will have to come up with another tax stream. You know humans are comprised of about 11 necessary elements for human life. Carbon accounts for 18.5 % of that. And, every time we exhale, we put more Co2 into the air. Now, unlike the current batch of climate doomsayers, I am not a believer that CO2 is a poison. I took Chemistry and Climatology (not my major) at University and know just how essential carbon is for our personal existence and CO2 for all life on earth, including the greening of our planet. So, mark my words the next huge tax grab will be a tax on our very existence. You want to live….PAY UP! Government extortion. But when they do it, it is not a crime.

Not Holding my Breath… | Backyard Missionary

How long can you hold your breath?

Word has it in California that the Moonbats there are passing regulations that will impede a persons ability to exhale. I’m told that people will have to hold their breaths for a minute at a time to reduce CO2 levels.. Of course nobody thought about the unintended consequences here. Holding one’s breath causes a human’s internal gasses to find the path of least resistance – in this case – right down though the oesophagus, the stomach, large and small intestine, colon and rectal areas. In other words flatulent assholes! “Gall darnit” some Californian flatulent asshole was heard to say, as he plugged his nose “We’ll have clean air even if it kills us.”………Geesh!

The New Republic states that climate change is killing us now. They cite heat waves (nothing new here) are increasing as temperatures climb (says who?). It has always been hot in the middle east. Cities such as Chicago, New York are heat sinks due to their high densities. 1934 was the hottest year on record (Look it up). The 8 – 10 year dust bowl drought occurred in the 1930s. It is all fear mongering by the UN, an organization that wants $1 Trillion dollars a year from western nations to fight this scourge. All of the UN dictators, well over half its members, nod in agreement as their mouths salivate with their new found wealth – potentially.

“It’ll be a foot in cold water before I will give anymore money to the UN.” So says Satan.

“Erm Lucy ole buddy that’s “It’ll be a cold day in hell before I give any more money.”

“Yeah write, you are.”

Solution? Stop having children India, Pakistan, China and other Muslim countries. Canada and the US – Get the hell out of the UN – now!

A little unknown song by a Canadian band that came out in 1972. A great year for music:

John

Check out my books. They make excellent Christmas gifts while helping out a starving Canadian author. Just click on the link and the second link. Thanks

www.johnmorrisonauthor.com

Pee-You……

From the obviousness file comes this:

Rapper, er sorry, Crapper denounces Trump’s Arizona speech as scary. No it’s scary having a name like that.

Crapper made his obvious comments on CNN, which will be covered by the Washington Post and New York Times, all known supporters of Trump!

Crapper got really excited by Trump’s racist comments “about the need for unity and inclusion.” Yup, downright scary. No this is scary: “What a riot man!” Antifa coming to a neighbourhood near you.

Or this from last fall:

The Left’s Sunday picnic at Berkeley. It was a BYOB, “Bring Your Own Bombs” affair. Hell of a party. The bar was kept pretty busy. “Everyone wants a Molotov Cocktail these days.” A volunteer worker was heard to say. “I ran out of olives pretty quickly and at an event like this Black Olives really do matter.”

When kids are left alone with dad! Love it! (c/o twitter / facebook)

From the “I Can’t Make This Up File” comes this:

Success of future MARS mission dependant upon astronauts urine and CO2 emissions. I thought CO2 was poison man. Say what? And shit for fertilizer! They are going to call the first MARS expedition “The Call of Nature.”

Beach goers in a state of fearful frenzy as shark devours a seal. “Where is PETA when you need them?” One vegan on the beach was heard to say. “Gawd this can’t be right.” In response another was heard to say that “this is nothing but the call of nature.”

Cannabis not really effective against pain and PTSD, new study shows. They tried to treat patients suffering from chronic pain and PTSD with cannabis but couldn’t wake them up to determine efficacy. “Well, if you want to sleep all day then I guess it is okay for that,” a prominent researcher, Dr. Walter White, who wanted to remain anonymous, stated.

An Asian ESPN Sports announcer by the name of Robert Lee pulled from doing the play by play at a UVA football game. On another note an Asian entrepreneur who owns a string of Chinese restaurants was forced to change the name. “Holy Chow” was considered too religious for some patrons to stomach. He changed the name to “Holy Cow.” It is expected that PETA may have something to say about this new branding scheme. Meanwhile sales of his food chain skyrocketing in India.

CNN calls Trump demented, sexist, racist, a Nazi – “is there anything else in the lexicon that we can use?” Wolf was heard to say. I’ll let their own words speak for itself.

Trump sending troops to Afghanistan. New mission and aim. Destroy ISIS and terrorists. Kill them! No more pussy footing around. A prominent Canadian who wants to remain anonymous, wearing his new black and white socks, became outraged when he heard this new directive coming from the White House.

Other Stuff

Some of my latest least favourites:

Least favourite colour……………………… Green
Least favourite word………………………… Transparency
Least favourite food…………………………..Tofu
Least favourite song…………………………..Imagine.
Least favourite team…………………………. Leafs
Least favourite French expression…………..Je suis (insert whatever here)

From my other “I Can’t Make this Up File” comes this:

Newly elected Democrat Ocasio-Cortez has everyone on the Left in a tizzy about her proposed New Green Plan that MUST be implemented by 2030.

The more important parts of this plan are:

  • Ban all airplanes;
  • Built a train track across both oceans for pan oceanic train travel;
  • Demolish all buildings and houses across the US and start over;
  • Guaranteed living wage for all Americans;
  • Free Health care for everyone (heck, even in Canada health care isn’t free);
  • Nobody has to work if they do not want to; and
  • Ban all cow flatulence to save the planet. That means “Where’s the beef?”

Her response when asked who is going to pay for all of this?

“Easy peezey,” she said as only a millennial can. “We’ll print more money!”

When asked about facts and details of her plan she responded:

“Don’t bore me or challenge me with the facts. Being morally correct “Trumps” all facts or details as far as I am concerned.”

I kid you not. Her remarks remind me of this: Dum de dum dum……DUMMMM!

“Just the facts ma’am.” Good ole Joe Friday knows a thing or two about finances. And doors were poorly made in those days.

Crapper’s remarks, name and Cortez’s cow flatulence ban reminded me of this. Now, to a old fart like me who has a juvenile brain this scene was really funny. Flat-out humour:

I guess the Dems will try to ban all humans next!

Song of the day: It’s just the name of the game, that’s all. Badfinger cover by Anthony Harty:

Have a great Navy day.

 

SJ………………………………………..Out………………………………………..pee-you!

Nature’s Gas!

71 days until the Maldives disappear. UN sources on Global Warming

Image result for pics of maldives beachesYou’re going to need those watercraft – for sure!

Canada cannot tell us what to wear. Perhaps, but they’re trying to tell us everything else we can or cannot do. Interesting that the new NDP leader, a Sikh, is against this Quebec Bill that will ban anyone from wearing a Gurkha, oops Freudian Slip, a Burkha,  or other religious garb. So, would that include this:

Image result for pics of priestsOr this:

Image result for pics of the popeWhat’s he smoking? Heard that this Pope advised Trudeau on his new initiative to legalize marijuana. It’s the spiritual thing to do man. The Pope was heard to say.

Trudeau was asked about this new controversial legislation coming from Quebec. He was coy about the whole matter although he seemed to have won the 2015 erection, oops that Freudian Slip again, on this very issue saying that Canada supports the Burkha. Liberal MP Iqra Khalid, who sponsored a motion known as M-103 to condemn Islamophobia, was brief. “I think that no person should be told how to dress or how not to dress, and that’s about it,” she told reporters. Okay, have a look at the new special ops uniform for the military. How’s this working for you.

Hey, it’s a free and open society, isn’t it?

Hey it’s all identity politics now-a-days. Not what’s good for the country but what’s good for the LGBTABC…………………s of the nation.

Japanese scientists discover huge Man Cave… oops Moon cave – on Mars? Say what?

Japan scientists say they have discovered a 31-mile-long underground tunnel on the moon that could help protect astronauts from huge swings in temperature and damaging radiation: Japan scientists say they have discovered a 31-mile-long underground tunnel on the moon.

“Trump is worse than Hitler.” This bit of journalistic fluff reported by Newsweek. Is this rag of a mag still operating?  Yeah, we’re going to believe anything that comes out of the mouth of this guy:

People watch a live television program showing North Korean leader Kim Jong Un salutes during a parade in Pyongyang, North Korea, at the Seoul train station in Seoul, South Korea, Saturday, April 15, 2017. This just in: “Anna Faris is dating again after split from Chris Pratt.” Oh, that makes my day. I have only this to say: ” Who the F*&K is Anna Faris and why should we give two S*&Ts about who or what she is dating?”

Climate Sensitivity Graph! Yeah, That’ll do it. Do What exactly? Further our understanding of the whole Climate Change thingy, that’s what!

“UK county denies taxpayer-funded surgery for smokers and the obese”(Rebel). A slippery slope that is soon to come to Canada’s health care system. But hey, free samples of weed will be given out to those turned away so that they can tune out. But hey, don’t fret because in this country you can now identify as a woman, or a man, blow weed and kill nana if she is annoying you. Progressive’s regressive I would dare to say!

This just in from the Moonbat State – California. A third gender category will soon be the law of the Mooonbat land. Binary, as in Non Binary. Binary – is a mathematical term relating to the numeral two, as in a man and a woman. Non Binary means noting or relating to a person with a gender identity or sexual orientation that does not fit into the male/female or heterosexual/homosexual divisions…………Oh you mean Eunuch?

Furthermore: “The establishment of Harems is on the increase in the Moonbat State. Governor Brown is sexstatic”…oops that Freudian Slip again…ecstatic about the whole affair. Computer Scientists and Mathematicians are all in a titzy…oops tizzy fit.. about the whole binary thingy.

This bit of journalistic fluff: “What’s Boko Haram’s Real Name?” Oh you mean the guys that wrote and played this:

Oh those other guys, you mean.

There is a boom in America’s natural gas. Changing world markets. This is being led by California’s flatulence level legislation in that all citizens are only allowed to breath for a minute out of every 5 minutes to cut back on CO2 levels. Unintended consequence here was a dramatic rise in “farts”… nature’s most natural gas!

 

 

SJ…………………………….Out