Month: October 2017

Monster Mash

Maldives?? Over and out of here until Nov 12th….Can’t wait.

 

Tunnel Collapses at North Korean nuclear blast site. Kim Flung Poos reaction:

Launch? I said lunch - Launch? I said lunch Hungry Kim Jong UnHaving a blast over this latest mishap:

Image result for pics of kim un        Let Slim show ya!     

You’re supposed to be going the other way. No wonder your tests are so screwed up.

Holly’s Woody in the Morning’s House of Cards collapsing all around them. Weinstein, now Spacey, who’s next. “Sex in the City?” Everyone’s coming out of their closets now………………..Yeah I says.

The fun loving Trump Family in costume to greet kids on the front lawn of the White House.

Image result for pics of funny trump family

Whoever dressed as the Pope nailed it. Same with the Pope’s mother. Who’s the dude in that family portrait?

Another scary leader:

Image result for funny Pics of Trudeau costumes\And his stoner family:

Image result for pics of the trailer park boys

 

Lesbians everywhere…..Unite:

A feminist professor at Occidental College recently argued that men must renounce their masculinity and “denounce anyone who chooses to identify with it.” Calling masculinity a “dangerous idea,” Wade argues that, “The problem is not toxic masculinity; it’s that masculinity is toxic,” adding that masculinity is “simply not compatible with liberty and justice for all.” Wade concludes her essay by urging people to “call masculinity out as a hazardous ideology and denounce anyone who chooses to identify with it,” saying that doing so is crucial for “gender revolution.”

Yeah, and reducing the gene pool. Another candidate for a Darwin Award I would hazard to guess.

From the “This is Madness” file comes this:

British ISIS jihadis returning from Syria ‘to be offered tax-payer funded council homes and counselling to stop them attacking the UK’

The plans – code-named Operation Constrain – could see returning ISIS fanatics jump to the top of council house waiting lists and offered counselling.

Yeah, that’ll work. Turns out that the Trudeau Liberal Government’s policy in handing out millions of dollars to potentially questionable dudes was used as a model for this initiative. We’ll have to wait and see how this turns out. Turns out that the city of London is now twinned with Sacramento, Capital of the Moonbat State.

Happy Halloween everyone:

Enjoy! A Canadian Hoser’s Halloween night.

SJ……………………………Out

Grammar Lesson

Recently in the BC legislature, the INSOMNIA CURE — Green Party Leader Andrew Weaver blasted the NDP government in the house recently for “shocking, reckless indifference” — to the rules of grammar.

Debating a “minor corrections” bill that makes exactly what the title implies to a host of bills, he found one that correctly changes “whom” to “who.” But later on, in the Farm Practices Protection Act, a glaringly offensive “whom” was left untouched.

“Shame on the government for missing this,” he joked.

This exchange was heard in passing:

“Who?” Attorney General David Eby dove right into this.

“Of whom do you speak? No not whom, who you idiot. Don’t you know the difference? Who is a subject, whom is the object.”

“You are being objectionable.”

“Who? Me?” Eby retorted. “Listen the further and further you go down this rabbit hole the worse it will get.”

“Oh yeah, for who? For you or for him. Whom?”

“No you idiot you can’t say farther. You have to say further.”

“Says who?”

“No,no, no, not who, you have to say whom. Merriam says so”

“Whose Merriam?”

“No, no, no, its who’s Merriam”

“Yeah, just what I said: whose Merriam”

“And besides you can’t write its like that. Its should be it’s if thats what your saying?”

“You’re, not your.”

“What?” say Eby

“And besides you can’t say further down the rabbit hole. You have to say farther. Farther denotes distance, real distance. Further is metaphorical don’t you know. It is better to say farther in this case then further?”

“Says whom.”

“Says Webster.”

“Whose Webster?

“Who is Webster. Or who’s Webster. Not whose. Its better then that.”

“Then who. You can’t say then. You have to say than, comparatively speaking youse doorknob.”

“Whose calling me a doorknob. Who do you speak of.”

“Eee gads. Its wrong I tell you, its wrong.”

“Its or it’s. Than versus then. Further vs farther, who vs whom, who’s vs whose. Im going nuts.”

“I’m going nuts. Not Im going nuts, you hoser.”

“Whose calling me hoser.”

Gadszooks!

All of this while debating whose’s bill.

“Whose Bill? No bill you idiot. Shouldn’t that be who’s bill.”

“No you idiot. Bill Whoose. The Minister of Edumacation.”

 

All of the above reminds me just how difficult the English language can be, especially to someone learning it. Consider this:

Take the word “nit.” The Concise Oxford English Dictionary defines “nit” as a stupid person, a louse. Then add the letter “k” before the “n” and you have “knit.” Yet the word “nit” from the word “knit” is a whole different kettle of fish. And what is that anyway: a kettle of fish?

Now, let’s take the word “wit:” defined as someone with a sharp sense of humour, a player of words perhaps. As in “that man possesses wit. He has a sharp mind.” But then add the letter “t” before the “w” and you have “twit.” Or, combine the word “nit” with the word “wit” and you have a “nitwit.” But “nit” and “twit” together does not sound quite right – “nit-twit?”

Nonetheless, given that a “nit” is already defined as a stupid person, and “wit” is someone who has a sharp mind, then “nitwit” defiles all logic in a descriptive sense except perhaps to define someone who possesses a stupid “wit” – which in itself is oxymoronic. But “dimwit” already has that locked up. Yet what is really frustrating about the undercurrent of this word is that “dimwit” is the opposite of someone who has a sharp “wit.” So, that being the case, let’s call him or her a “blunt-sharp” person!

To make matters worse a “twit” could be someone who has a sharp “wit,” and is still a “nitwit” or a “dimwit.” So why can’t we call him or her a nit-twit? Or a “dim-twit”? The bottom line is that “nitwit” or “dimwit” sounds better. The other bottom line is that English words are just downright confusing without context and a shared understanding of the contextual environment we are communicating in.

Says who?

 

English grammar class is over for the day.

 

 

SJ……………..Out………………….Happy Mondaze to all youse people out there.

Lost at Sea

Maldives? Forget about it, them, those islands and islets. They’re toast.

Just received this from a friend of mine in Ottawa:

http://prospect.emmatoro.com

It’s about a pill that will change everything. Stephen Hawkings says so. So what will happen if I take this?” someone said. “Well, if you follow the regimen then you too can look just like Stephen Hawkings.”

A famous TV personality was heard to say: “Take this pill for 14 days and you too can become a homosexual.” Even Holly’s Woody in the Morning People are in one this brain enhancing phenom. “Hey look what its done to old Weinstein.”

One review written: “We are very grateful to have this now,. I believe this breakthrough will take us to the next level in our evil-utionary conundrum.” Oh you mean like this:

And after taking this pill for over a month the following side effects were examined. I mean after all this pill will allow us to use total brain power and not just the paltry 10% that we are viewed to be using now:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LZCXiUkq-Q

All you millennials? Get this pill now and take it……..pah-leeze.

No, but this guy sure is!

Another one bites the dust. Soon, there will be no decent ones left:

Fats! R.I.P

 

Instead of flogging stuff like the brain teasing pill above there is another get rich scheme that Canadians should think about. Go to Syria or some other tin pot shit hole country, stay for a few months, return home, say you were tortured, take the Canadian govt to court and viola: ten million bucks coming your way. Only in Canada you say……………..shitty! Gawd! I can’t believe this country of ours with our leaderless leaders. Imagine these guys being in charge during the First or Second World War. We’d all be speaking Japanese and wearing Lederhosen!

Hey Trudeau, how about the families of the two Canadians murdered by Philippine terrorists? Or Khadr’s victims: the Sheer family? Don’t they deserve $10M as well?

 

 

Two new “Darwin Award” Candidates (Italics mine)

A planned voyage from Hawaii to Tahiti aboard a small sailboat didn’t start off well for two Honolulu women. One of their cellphones washed overboard and sank into the deep blue water on their first day at sea. Cellphones in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Are you gals daft?

The women, architect Jennifer Appel and her friend Tasha Fuiava, both of Honolulu, set sail on May 3, but lost their engine in bad weather four weeks later. They believed they could still reach Tahiti using their sails. Yes that’s what sailboats are for ladies – sailing – at about 5 or 6 knots per hour if you’re lucky! BTW, do not give up your days jobs.

What was meant to be a month-long trip stretched into 176 days, and took them roughly 8,000 kilometres off course. Oh you mean they ended up near the Mariana Archipelago?

Take a look at this chart. A chart is like a map at sea ladies. Marianas is about 1200 nm south of Japan. Hawaii is about centre right and Tahiti is in the South Central Pacific.

Image result for map of pacific ocean

I mean c’mon now. Heading west when you should have been heading south. Didn’t the sun sets give you a clue? Being almost dead ahead of your track instead of being off your starboard side. Or the sun rise. Ever heard of a sextant? Celestial Navigation? Dead Reckoning. GPS perhaps? I do hope you don’t design buildings or houses like you handle seamanship. Or perhaps this is one of your designs – for our Canadian Prime Minister:

Image result for Pics of igloos

Or this:

Image result for pics of poorly designed houses

“Whatever I do I just keep getting disorientated.” The architect was heard to say.

Have a great weekend.

 

SJ………………………………..Out

 

 

 

 

More Dough!

Maldives? Gawd, I am getting sick of these islands. No more info for awhile. Rest assured that the UN still believes that the Maldives will be underwater by 01 Jan 2018, according to their own 1988 report. But, I guess they can say they were wrong in their prediction and that it will probably be 2060 now!Image result for yoga in the maldivesGoing, going, gone!. Sorry, prayer is not going to save you from that sinking feeling!

Province of BC just announced its new 22 person panel on Climate Change. Yeah, that’ll do it. Another huge bureaucracy in the making. And all of this to monitor the weatherman. “Well, you know,” the Premier said, proudly showing off his new flannels, er panel, “BC’ers are really getting peeved with the lack of accuracy in their day to day weather reports. So this panel will ensure that the weather that BC’ers enjoy is up to date, accurate and reflects the core values of this province. When it rains we will ensure that it is reported in a sunny, sunny way. And when it snows, well, we blow man.” so says the Premier.

Image result for Pics of BC's climate panel 

“Mr Premier, I think they are referring to climate, you know, long term trends and not day to day weather reports. And snow, you know precipitation and not blow.”

“What’s the difference,” he snorted. “Climate, weather, climate, weather. It’s all the same to me. Hey, give me some more of that snow then.”

Justin Timberlake is going to do the Super Bowl Half Time Show. Typical comments from those righteous, non racist left wingers: “Timberlake is the worst kind of white person — perhaps even worse than the blatant bigots we often assume serve as the only form of anti-Blackness” Yeah, another profound statement from your non racist, non bigoted left wing media spokesperson…………….Geesh.

 

Kellogg’s will be remaking Corn Pops cereal boxes after a complaint about racially insensitive art on the packaging.

The Battle Creek, Mich.-based cereal and snack maker said on Twitter Wednesday it will replace the art, which showed cartoon corn pops populating a retail mall. Some pops were shown shopping as others played in an arcade or frolicked in a fountain, while another skateboarded down an escalator.

What struck Saladin Ahmed was that a single brown pop was working as a janitor waxing the floors. Ahmed, current writer of Marvel Comics’ Black Bolt series and author of 2012 fantasy novel Throne of the Crescent Moon, took to Twitter Tuesday to ask, “Why is literally the only brown corn pop on the whole cereal box the janitor?

What is it with these guys. Reading and examining their cereal boxes with a fine tooth comb or magnifying glass while having breakfast? Does this guy have a real job. Get a life dude….Geesh!

Next Kellogg’s will have to change the name of their iconic “Corn Flakes” to appease the sensitivities all of those snowflake millennials who hail from the Midwest!

 

Muslim nations invent “different set of rules” for Israeli athletes (Rebel). It would appear that during the Karate competition the Israeli Athletes were told that they could only do Judo!

 

This just in from the hypocrisy file:  It appears that the Canadian Rebel Media is being barred from the latest Climate Change Conference in Bonn by UN Officials. Why? They are considered an activist organization. What? This coming from the UN’s IPCC. What a COP-Out, someone was heard to say.

“So Gerry, what do ya think of my latest tax grab, huh? Sure going to help the middle class huh?”

“Bah hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah. That’s a good one Justine:”

Image result for pics of trudeau and butts“And that Bore-Neau thinks he is so smart with his financial acumen. Screw him: bah hahahahahahahahahahahah.”

“That is so funny Gerry. lets go have a barista and a joint. On me. Good gawd how I love being the Prime Minister. How I love being me!”

Bank of Canada is not the only government agency using the services of Morneau Shepell. At least four other federal departments and agencies have ongoing contracts with Morneau Shepell, the human resources firm formerly run by Finance Minister Bill Morneau. The accumulated value of these various contracts is about $14 million.(Sun) Morneau is Canada’s Finance Minister for those readers of this blog who may not know. Trudeau is all in a huffy fit over this one.

“If that Gawd Damn More-Dough thinks he is going to out me as being the richest MP here in Ottawa he has another thing coming. Lets move him somewhere less conspicuous. Oh, I know. First National.”

“Er Mr Prime Minister, you mean the First Nations’ Portfolio don’t you?”

“No, no, no First National, you idiot. My own personal bank. If More-dough can obfuscate the electorate and get away with it then I want him to look after my own personal finances. Laudy Daw, de daw de daw. Sunny ways are here again – ta dah de dah dah.”

“Er, that’s Happy Days Mr Prime Minister.”

Oh, Happy dappy, sunny dunny, who cares. Bottom lines is: I have MORE-DOUGH in my cabinet at home so I am happy, dappy, camper.”

Can’t make this stuff up. Honest.

Happy Days are Here Again.

SJ……………………………Out

Barista, Weed and Other Things

Maldives? Well, what can be said. 67 more days:

Image result for madivesAll the seafood one could want.

Slide 1 of 11: <p>The epitome of elegance, the British royal family lives a life of opulence a commoner can barely fathom. Whether they were born in the spotlight or married into it, the well-heeled Brits have captivated the world for as long as anyone can remember.</p><p>The Mountbatten-Windsor clan resides in palaces, has personal staffers at their beck and call and regularly jets off to exotic locales. But in many ways, they’re just like regular people. They have bills, like to decorate for the holidays and like to dine out every so often. Take a look at how they spend their money, and <a href="https://www.gobankingrates.com/net-worth/rich-queen-elizabeth-rest-british-royal-family/">get a glimpse of the elite family’s financial state</a>.</p>“That was a good one Kate. Next time stay downwind of us will ya. Keep smiling or I’ll have to puke!”

Majority of Torontonians are now considered visible minorities. I am a Caucasian who grew up in Toronto and I now consider myself a visible minority. But why the visible label? Why not invisible. If you are a minority then no one can really see you if you are mixed up with a majority. But if you are part of a majority then how can you be labelled a minority. Huh? Huh?, Eh? Eh? The majority rules so they say and if you are the majority then you are visible, as the majority rules, not invisible like me, who is part of the invisible minority cause no one can see a white dude anymore, what with our white privilege etc, etc, etc. Only in Toronto you say. Thank F*&K for that. Lesson here? Stay well clear of big cities.

Well this is great:  A top UK official told the BBC last week that ISIS terrorists from the UK returning from Syria and Iraq will not be prosecuted. Instead, the government will try to reintegrate them back into society because they were “naive” when they joined the genocidal terrorist group. Yeah, let’s have a parade:

Image result for pics of isis “What’s the problem here guys? One was heard to say. “We are only getting ourselves ready for Guy Fawkes Day. By the way can someone tell us how to get to Whitehall?

Trump Derangement Syndrome: Anguished Liberals plan shout-out on the anniversary of Trump’s election. Yeah, we would much rather have these guys in charge. See, even the guy in the green sweater thinks this is funny.

Oh millennials hate being labelled as such. Too effin bad. Gov’t paid a firm $54K to find this out. Man of man, or woman, or zey, zir, zits or zat is too effin bad. This from a dude, me, who has borne the Baby Boomer label all of his life. Here’s the chart produced by Gov’t as only a Gov’t can do.

 

 

 

 

Hey, as a boomer I can relate to the couch but where’s the pic of the basement in all of this. “Want to be heard as we hate to listen. We’re socially responsible as long as we can get our weed cheap and legally. We want to participate – ANTIFA, BLM, SJW comes to mind and of course we all have Pride in all that we do. Yeah we’re tech natives and cry babies. We have the entrepreneurial spirit as long as we don’t have to listen to anybody, and we want experiences that take ourselves outside of our comfort zone – and that doesn’t mean taking the trash out. LISTEN TO US. It’s all about me, me, me, me, and more me.”

Oxymoron of the week: “Canadian Correctional Services.” The Grand Valley federal prison for women received its first male inmate last week, a 54-year-old man who is still a fully functional male who hasn’t yet undergone re-assignment surgery. Only in Canada. Get this: “She hadn’t violated any parole conditions, but began to “present as emotionally volatile,” a “behavioural deterioration which seems to have coincided with the start of hormone therapy,” CSC documents suggest, as only a government paid shrink could assess. Wonderful zey all agreed.

I can only cry file. Which industry creates the most wealth and reduces poverty in Canada? The resource sector! For those not familiar with this term resources equate to oil and gas exploration and extraction, lumber, mining, fishing etc – all activities that the NDP, Green and now Liberals want to discredit and eliminate from our national lexicon. Their solution. Baristas on every street corner and cheap weed. Keep the populace stoned all the time and they will be happy. But in all of this and by adopting the new math – something that I have shown many times on this blog – they have forgotten this simple equation:

Strong economy = good paying jobs = more taxes = more government revenue = more social services = higher standard of living = happy wife = happy life. Take any of those elements out and you have??????? ……. “The Maritime Provinces in Canada!”

In Toronto: Trick or Treat equates to dental floss, apples and free passes to the library. I hear that the sale of eggs to young people has increased ten fold in this progressive city in the days leading up to Halloween.

Darwin Award candidate of the year: “It’s been over a week since we learned the plight of Canadian Joshua Boyle and his American wife, Caitlin Coleman, allegedly kidnapped by the Taliban while enjoying a backpacking trip to Afghanistan. Why wouldn’t Boyle want to take his very pregnant wife backpacking in one of the most up-side down, gunned-up regimes in the world? What could possibly go wrong? 5 years as a hostage, that’s what (Rebel).

Image result for pics of boyle family taken hostage by taliban

Afghanistan National Park, welcoming committee.

Image result for pics of boyle family taken hostage by talibanHeard in pissing that they’re going to settle in Bountiful British Columbia. With that beard he will be a shoe-in. Not sure about her though. Poor kids – not shown here.

 

That’s all she wrote.

 

 

SJ………………………….out.