Category: A Very Short Story

From the Short Story Vault

Flush Twice

Well, Turd-dope must be happy today. Same with McKenna, Butts, Weaver and Horgan. Trans-Canada pipeline and Energy East is bailing. Getting out of Canada. Too bloody riskaaay here for business. So, here we are a country rich in natural resources that could be energy independent but no, no,  noo, Canadians being so smug we are going to save the planet at the expense of our own economic well-being and continue to import unethical dirty oil from the middle east.

Energy East faced intense opposition in Quebec, where the province’s premier said the line posed a significant risk to its freshwater resources.

Mayor of a major Quebec City was heard to say at a photo-op recently near a city outfall on the St Laurence River not too long ago: “Energy East posed just too high of an environmental risk to our fresh water resources here. Oh, s’cuse me, s’cuse me for one moment guys” he interrupted the reporters. “Okay guys open up those flood gates and turn on the pumps. High volume. Get that shit out of here NOW,” as 2 gazillion litres of raw sewage was pumped into the river. Now get those pumps going full tilt as it’s a long way to the east coast.”

He then told all of the residents of the city to flush twice!

Canadians are really bad with math. We have embraced the new math as well. You know the new math recently discovered by archeologists. It is so up there with the math that Canadians value:

The 3,700-year-old Babylonian tablet Plimpton 322 at the Rare Book and Manuscript Library at Columbia University in New York.

You know the one:                        1 + 1 = 3

Its called Self Destructive Math.

Investment / Innovation / Entrepreneurs = strong economy = good paying jobs = good revenue stream = good tax base = great social programs = great quality of life.

Yeah, but with the new economy we’ll have barista and joints on every street corner in Canada. Instead of smelling the roses I can’t wait to smell the grass man.

This equation is so simple yet something our politicians and so-called leaders can never seem to grasp. Their math is the new math which is out of whack with just about everything else. But then again, we being Canadians, we are smarter than everybody else. Reminds me of a Kink’s song:

Speaking of the middle eastern culture, this just in: seen on a beach somewhere on the French Riviera. This year’s Miss Muslim Worlds…three contestants of this years burqa wearing segment. Representing which countries? Well we just do not know.

It was very difficult one judge was heard to say. There was no clear winner here! I think the new rules starting with the 2020 Miss Muslim Worlds will see some colour coordination during the contest. Whew!

 

Another WHY, WHY, WHY OH WHY moment. They’re bringing back Rosanne. I guess we just have not had enough with the gay, now transgendered lifestyle being rammed down our throats and other places in our body mystique. Will and Grace returns, now Rosanne and her totally dysfunctional family. Only this time we are going to have a grandchild character who is “Gender Fluid.” Gender fluid? What does that mean someone asked someone from Holly’s Woody in the Morning” crowd. “Well like, you see like it’s like this man like, or is it a woman like, or perhaps a boy or maybe a girl like or like zey, zirt or like zits buddy-ess likeness…wow”

Say what?

“Oh I get it, Gender Fluid is like as in Trans-mission fluid like, to keep that engine going like..hot.”

“Hey that’s cool. Transmission Fluid. I like that, like maybe for next falls lineup.? Cool. perhaps a new action drama like in:

“Trans Mission Impossible”

Somali refugee charged with Edmonton terror attack was a refugee but he was a Canadian refugee, so that’s better an official was heard to say. “Well how do you know that?” a reported deemed to ask. “Well, hahhahaha, he yelled, hahahahahah….. Alahu Akbar eh? as he was mowing down pedestrians. So funny eh?”

Trudeau’s response to this attack: “we have to embrace diversity, openness. Yes, we have all kinds of terrorists here in Canada. Not just Somalis. No, no, no, but we embrace diversity so we’ll allow these guys and gals to come in here from anywhere in the world because, like all things, Canada is the world’s first post national state……………….of chaos.

Gawd, where’s Maxwell Smart when you need him!

Leafs win their first game of the 80 plus game season. Quick, somebody, organize the parade now!

Trudeau also booed on Parliament Hill by Indigenous women on the Murdered and Missing Women Inquiry, which has been going on now for over 2 years and is in serious trouble. 7 officials resigned already for reasons unknown.

“We want more transparent….money. Rack up our per diem…now!” they chanted to wild cheering.”

 

 

SJ………………………Out

 

 

Transparency…Again!

In the world of sports: Five Bold Predictions for the NHL this year:

  1. Leafs will lose;
  2. Leafs will lose;
  3. Leafs will lose;
  4. Leafs will lose;
  5. Leafs will lose;

I mean they can’t even spell for cripe’s sake!

Image result for pics of maple leafs

I’ll add my own 6th prediction in that: The Leafs will lose! Bigly

See, even these guys agree…………………………Leafs suck.

Image result for pics of kim jung un and his militaryNorth Korea’s 2017 Landley Lup Lampions. Team photo.

War of the nuclear hair styles. Should be fun to wash:

Image result for pics of trumps hair   Who will be drawn out Image result for Kim Jung Un hair

 

And on top of everything else: “Huge Solar Storm is Coming”…$20 Trillion in damages. How do they know that?

Provincial Premiers give Tru-dope an earful concerning the legalization of Marijuana. BC Premier stated that, “Y’know, we’ve been doing this for years now. We kinda know what to do here. We have all of the dispensers in place now.”  And where has that gotten you BC:

Image result for pics of vancouver's downtown east side

Slippery slope I would say.

“It’s really important to me and I think it’s important to Canadians that they see our leadership regularly sitting down to talk with each other about issues where we are working together, about issues that are challenges,” Tru-dope said. ……There’s that transparency word again folks.

Trudeau also expressed support for BC Premier Notley as she deals with the fallout from a weekend attack in Edmonton, promising to work with her to ensure “we stay true to the values of openness while keeping our communities safe.”

Values of Openness? What about protecting our citizens. Oh we’re open to more of the same are we? Open to more Tolerance, Peace and Goodwill are we?…Geesh

People…………wake up! Throw these guys out.

Oxymoron of the week:

Methodist Lesbian preacher calls Jesus a bigot!

 

Warmist’s are making a big stink now to address Cow Flatulence. Can’t make this up folks. Meat eaters are destroying the planet. Therefore ban cows now and kill them off.

Here’s one for all of those organic protagonists out there: Grass fed beef is bad for the planet. See BC grass comment above. “See, see organic really is the Latin word meaning grown in pig shit.

Do these guys know that 18.3% of their body’s are composed of ….dum de dum dum…..CARBON! Show some example here folks and eradicate yourselves off of the planet before you start killing off these cows. Show some leadership! And hold your breaths for a minute out of every 5 minutes to cut back on your own CO2.

Only in Canada would you have a national Holocaust memorial and fail to mention anywhere in that memorial anything at all about the Jews and their suffering. Only in Canada you say?……………….shitty!

 

Pray for the families of the Vegas victims.

SJ…………….Out

I Won’t Back Down

Still finding it hard to get into things, what with the mass shooting in Vegas and some of the lefty reactions to it. I won’t even grace these pages to mention some of the vitriol directed at these victims by some of the intolerant left. Soo much hate and intolerance out there for our fellow man. It makes me sick.

 

Another sad note. Heard that Tom Petty died yesterday, although some reports mentioned he is still alive. Don’t know for certain.

Appropriate song: I Won’t Back Down: Enjoy and pray for Peace!

From You Tube:

 

Poker Face

Only 95 days until Maldives disappear, according to the UN. 01 January 2018.

Image result for Pics of Maldives

Headline: Kardashian pregnant with her boyfriend’s baby. How did that happen? Well if Bruce Jenner can become a woman then I guess anything is possible. Transferring babies? Wow. The Trans community is all in a tizzy.

Top chefs reveal their trade secrets. That’s easy one was heard to say. I use “Take-Out! Or I brown bag it. That way nobody can see my trade secrets!”

 

Image result for Pics of take-outImage result for Pics of take-out

 

Hefner dies at 91. It was a great ride huh Hugh. Great memories of growing up with that icon hidden under my bed!

In Canada recently a family got asylum. The husband was rejected. “He just wasn’t crazy enough” a government official announced. I mean “Maybe next time.”

In response to Trudope’s taxation legislation that is going to screw the middle class: “I didn’t vote in the rast erection” a Japanese Canadian was heard to say.

So the NFL, CFL and now NHL are going to continue with their bended knee protests of the National Anthems. Great I can just TFL: This Fan Left and change the channel. See how that works for ya all. What is going on here these days? Is anyone happy anymore? What happened to our role models?

Image result for pics of athlete protestWhose going home tonight folks?

Other things of note: Colbert is just not funny. Oliver is just not funny. Maher is just not witty, or funny. American comedy is on the skids. SNL? 40 years of crap. Can that canned laughter machine and hear just how stupid their monologues are. Thinking the other day about this and then thought about Jack Benny. Now this guy was funny:

The master of the visual understatement.

Rewarding rigor: as in rewarding high academic achievement in schools. Sorry guys but that type of rigor is now known as “Rigor Mortis” in our institutions of higher learning.

 

They say that France and other old European countries have about 40 years remaining before becoming Muslim in their majority demographic. It’s also happening here. I thank my God that I’ll be dead and gone well before then. How do you spell relief Virginia: S…H…A…R…I…A! I can only hope and pray that a new Charles “the hammer” Martel is in the wings somewhere!

Heard in passing at an open air poker game: “Well that’s great infidel. I’ll see your 1.5 children and raise you 10!” How’s that! I call….

 

US Navy returning to basics after disastrous month of collisions at sea. Wow, they are going back to using compasses and pencils and forcing young officers of the watch to learn and implement the international agreement for Rules of the Road at sea. “Yeah, but where are the bike lanes? I don’t see any out here!” One raw recruit was heard to say. He was immediately reassigned to the Army……….Geesh.

 

 

 

SJ………………………Out.