Category: A Very Short Story

Vlad Putin states that it is useless to go down the North Korea rabbit hole. No, their solution is:

This:

followed by this:

Urban renewal in the Levant

Speaking of North Korea. Be very, very afraid.

These guys kill me. Just look at that guy’s hat!

New fossilized footprints found on Crete. Thought to be a gazillion years old. Throws all the known facts about “Homo Erections” into a tizzy. Seems we have had a gay lifestyle around for millions of years now.

What does this hold for the future of mankind? In response, one of the scientists, who was also part of the team that studied the Switzerland ancient “Cereal Man” found on the remote glacier, laid it all down for us in the most simplistic terms on his white board:

“Homo Erections > Neanderthals > Homo Sapiens > Homo Sexuals > Homo Extinctus. And like the Swiss case this also took him 5 years on the government’s dole to develop this theory.

 

Lord of the Flies: William Golding’s 1954 novel. It has been made into a movie a few times. About a group of pre and adolescent boys stranded on a Pacific Island after a nuclear meltdown. How they survive is an allegorical tale of woe and has many links to our present. It was required reading in high school.

“It is a tale between the legs. Sorry, a tale between the alt left and the alt right. Everyone can see that.” someone was wont to say.

So now they want to reboot this tale into another movie but with an all female cast. Many are objecting to this for various reasons:

C’mon we have to show that boys are really bad, bad bullies, a feminist objector was heard to say. No, I think the main theme of “Group Think” or a piece of “Tale Between the Legs” is more apropos. It holds up very well.

 

Shania Twain’s clothes appear to be old-fashioned and out of dates. I say, and I think all males would agree with me, “Who Cares about her clothes.”

 

Seems Toronto’s School Board is going to suspend their highly successful Police in Schools program due to BLM objections, as being anti-immigrant, racist. So, they are going from this shocking state of affairs:

To this

Where are the cops when you need them?

Forget about pills and medication to reduce high blood pressure. I have the best cure of all to reduce that boiling point. Stop watching newscasts of all sorts and get rid of that daily newspaper. It works. I stopped watching broadcast news over a year ago and no longer subscribe to any newspapers. I feel great. My blood pressure ceased to boil. I get my news online where I can control the content. Great!

 

Have a great long weekend. Happy labour days to all those mothers out there. Sorry, workers. I’ll be up again Tuesday.

 

 

SJ………..Out.

From a previous post:

 

Hey Jay, what’s a shakin today?”

“Well let’s see George. Quite a bit actually

From the weird and wonderful Climate Change file:

“California is going to ban cow flatulence George”

“What’s flatulence Jay?”

“Cow farts George. They are going to ban cow farts in California to save the planet!”

“No kidding. You’re ribbing me Jay!”

“I can’t make this stuff up George. Next they’ll ban people from taking more than one breath a minute in order to reduce CO2 emissions. When that occurs you’ll be seeing a whole lot of people walking around LA with puffed out cheeks – both above and below the waist! Holding their breaths and holding their asses. It’s insane George but I’m really happy about this because I won’t have to listen to these Moonbats anymore. Especially the pompous ones lecturing me on how to live as they accept their awards then fly off to their holiday retreats.”

“Wow, something sure stinks in the state of California Jay”

“That’s Denmark George. Something smells in the state of Denmark.”

“It does? They banned cow farts there too Jay?”

“But the Moonbats in California defend their actions by saying that people laughed at Noah too. With his ark George”

“Can you imagine the stink on that ark George? But then again the methane probably kept the water levels at bay by keeping that ark afloat and warm. And when the flooding was almost over somebody, Noah perhaps, lit a torch when he went down into the hold on that ark to see and hear and smell what the fuss, racket and stink was all about. Then, like the burning bush, KA-BOOM, that ark went up in an catechismic explosion.”

“Holy shit” Noah was heard to say, but in deference to his Lord, the supreme being.

“The Old Testament’s proverbial shit hit the fan-tail of that ark George.”

“Is that where the proverb Ship.High.In.Transit. comes from Jay? Noah’s ark?”

“Perhaps George but I don’t know for certain. Could be. But it’s probably why no one has found Noah’s ark today. The methane explosion ripped that ark into a gazillion pieces, spread all across the ancient world I would think.”

“Oh yeah, and forced childbirth is the single biggest cause of global warming. I kid you not George. Must be in the grunts and the groans and the flatulence from where those labour intensive green house gas emissions come from”

“Women are giving birth in a greenhouse these days Jay?”

“Arctic melting will cause severe flooding on the shores of Greenland George!”

“Eureka, George”

“You don’t smell all that well yourself Jay.”

No, no, no George. Eureka! Eureka. You know -as in Archimedes and his Principle, Eureka. That an object will displace its own weight in water. Arctic ice, it floats, but when it melts the water level in the Arctic Ocean remains the same.  But the Moonbats out there will not believe this law of physics and will state categorically and adamantly that Archimedes and his principle are coming to you from Big Oil.

“Oh and one more thing George. Global Warming will wipe out breakfast cereals by 2070”

“That’s okay cause I like my cereal cold anyway Jay, so I’m not worried.”

“That’s the least of your worries George”

“Man, we are doomed!”

From the Craziness File:

“Thief allegedly steals up to $179,000 in gold coins and gold pucks from the Canadian mint by stuffing them, or so the mint suggests, up his ass, then walking out. Probably got the idea and motivation from the Johnny Cash song “One Piece at a Time”

“Wow. And the mint claims that they have a suspect and that as far as they are concerned the puck stopped there! Holy anal retentiveness George. Holy shit! That guy’s got balls and one helleva rectum, if he is found guilty of course, which he hasn’t.”

“That’s one helluva job Jay, one helluva job bringing that in!”

From the Oxymoronic File:

“Safe Injection Sites are springing up everywhere across Canada George.”

“Ban flatulence in cows, and in humans too, as it really is Natural Gas, isn’t it Jay?!”

“You bet George”

“200 protesters recently protesting the latest LNG proposition in B.C. then hopping into their SUVs, pickup trucks and cars for the drive home.”

“Protesters protesting a proposed new cell tower in the local countryside all the while talking on their cell phones to get more protesters out to protest the new cell tower’s construction.”

_____________

“Bit of trivia George. How many falls are there in Klamath Falls Oregon?How many huh, huh?”

“Dunno Jay. How many?” One set of falls perhaps?”

“Nope, none George. There are no falls in Klamath Falls Oregon.”

Quote of the week

“Militancy is great – for pacifists”

 

“Until next time George”

Shakey Jay…..