Category: A Very Short Story

From the Short Story Vault

Hallelujah!

Just  like to thank everyone for your thoughts and condolences. Boys and I are doing alright.

Maldives? Well as you know this has been a great interest to me. Back in 1988 the UN predicted that in 30 years, Jan 1st 2018, the Maldives will be underwater due to rising sea levels as a result of climate change. Well, I checked so you don’t have to. On January 1 2018, the Maldives were still there, in all their glory:

Image result for Maldives Sea Level Rise

Nope, still there. Even this guy is still here:

Image result for Maldives Sea Level Rise

“Dear UN IPCC. We are in deep trouble. We are in way over our heads here” the Maldives Minister of Internal Affairs gurgled. “Bring money, fast. We are running out of air, er I mean land.”

Still there, move on. But now the UN has said: “Well we made a mistake. The Maldives will now be underwater by 2100.” There’s that 100 year push into the future again. A time when all of us will be dead so…no dispute. Just give us the money!

Not to be undone by the Maldives, a young woman from the Marshall Atoll in Micronesia has gotten into the act as well, but she has written a poem to the UN to highlight the dangers of rising sea levels:

Roses are Red

Violets are blue

We are in deep Ka ka here

Unless you bring us some dough… dear

AND NOW!

This poem will surely win her the 2018 Nobel Prize for literature. Enough of that…move on.

 

Been monitoring the list of names for this year’s new arrivals…soooo cute

“Chrystel, Christel”…yeah but the spelling is different.

“Moonlaunch”…after Kim Flung Poo of North Korea

“Moonbat”…after New York Mayor “Bill de Blasio,” and do it now before he runs out of your money!

“Moonbeam”…after California Governor Gerry Brown

Number one names for twins:

“Moonbat and Moonbeam”

“Ataboy Endeavours.” I kid you not.

Reminds me of an expression we had in the Navy. Y’know 10 ataboys plus 1 oh F&^K equals zero ataboys.

“Serious Now”…Seriously?

“Precious George” Imagine this poor guy when he turns 18!

Geesh…………..Poor Kids

Mehgan Markel’s dirty habits revealed. When I saw this headline over the holidays I was intrigued. I thought maybe, just maybe. Imagine my letdown when I read she wanted to stop swearing and biting her nails…Geesh, and here I thought this piece of journalistic profound-ity would address something like picking her nose in public and looking at it, or scratching her ass…you know stuff that guys do. Gender equality and all of that. After all it is 2018 you know.

Image result for photos of mehgan markel and harry in public

Heard in passing. “Shit Harry, Jesus H Christ, I am getting so gawd damn tired of this f*&kin waving. My hands are so F*&kin sore.”

Our Prime Minister…looking soooooooo Prime Ministerial. Don’t ya just love it Millennials?

Song for the day  on this Happy Monday:

 

Happy Monday………………………………………SJ Out

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advent

Advent: beautiful and wonderful time of the year!

 

And on another note: White milk no longer in vogue due to its white privilege undertones, er overtones. Chocolate milk is making a huge comeback but Black Lives Matter are having convulsions over this new trend. PETA has also soured on this new food guide development. Just wait a couple of weeks PETA and you can have all the sour milk you want!

To all men out there: be afraid, be very, very afraid. I looked at a woman about 20 years ago – yeah, yeah, I know – and I am scared faceless in being hauled in front of a feminist tribunal for my dastardly actions of harassment. If they find out that is. Be very, very afraid.

It may be time to ditch the Internet and listen to the beautiful hymn above.

 

Latest: Dustin Hoffman – some 32 years ago……………………Geesh.

 

SJ…………………………………….Out

Pigeons and Statues

Maldives: 26 days to go until nada thing left of the Maldives, according to the UN.

 

Dealing with a family emergency. Repeat post from last August (with some updates):

Pigeon Lovers Unite!

If you start taking down statues, what are the poor pigeon’s going to do? I think that pigeon lovers everywhere should march and protest this blatant act of cruelty to animals. Where is PETA when the going gets tough?

Would you rather have this:

Or this:

There are unintended consequences you know. So, Antifa, BLM, PRIDE and all you SJWs out there be very careful what you wish for. Be very, very careful.  This could be your car!

More bodies found on glacier, Mont Blanc, France. One French official was heard to state that “this is a real cold case.”  Activists are upset as Mount Blanc is a symbol of white privilege, white supremacism. Never mind the poor bastards who died there. No, they want the name changed to “Mount This Will Ya France.”

Social media split on Swift’s new song. First of all, who is Swift? Secondly, who gives a rats ass about her new song? Thirdly, the Musak industry is all in a tizzy over this as this song really, really sucks.

Latest Darwin runner-up award: Woman falls while taking a selfie with a drone. Now runner up’s for this award are those people who demonstrate awesome stupidity but for whatever reason fail to diminish the gene pool by taking themselves off of the ranks of the living…too bad.

Mysterious tablet discovered. New math secrets revealed as in:

The 3,700-year-old Babylonian tablet Plimpton 322 at the Rare Book and Manuscript Library at Columbia University in New York.

1 + 1 = 3  Yikes! Or 1 + 1 = 11; or 2 + 2 = 22

Apple wants to market it as the new IMath! I knew that all along. I could have been a math contender if this had come out when I was in school.

Oh yeah. Surprise comment of the week: Hurricane Harvey caused by Climate Change, and, It is TRUMP’s fault.

Jewish activists target New York’s Peter Stuyvesant Statues. Targeting a statue to a cigarette?  C’mon guys, let’s get real here!

Another candidate(s) for a runner-up status of the Darwin Stupidity Award:
“Authorities shut down the scheduled performance by Los Angeles act Allah-Las at a 1,000-person capacity club called Maassilo. The band’s name has attracted some unwanted attention in the Muslim world. Band members say they selected the name Allah, Arabic for the Muslim deity, because they wanted something that sounded “holy.” Lead singer Miles Michaud said: “We get emails from Muslims, here in the U.S. and around the world, saying they’re offended, but that absolutely wasn’t our intention.”
Maybe you guys should have called yourselves the “Sermon on the Rock n Rollers.” Hmmm? Just sayin. “Just because we know how to rock doesn’t mean we are smart.” One of the band members was heard to say. Taylor Swift nodded in agreement.

There is just so much craziness a person can handle these days.

 

 

SJ………….Out!

The Devil Is In The Details

Family emergency so new posts will have to wait for awhile. From an earlier post but still relevant today: Oh wait. How are the Maldives doing?

Image result for pics of the maldives Whew! They are still there IPCC.

 

The Trudeau Government or the Devil’s Brigade

From the CBC files (Oct 24 2016). My comments are in italics:

Minister of health wants to change the food guide… code for I know what’s best for Canadians…she doesn’t.

Health Minister Jane Philpott said the “iconic” Canada Food Guide has not kept up with the country’s changing demographics and lifestyles…Code for we have to control everything Canadian’s eat.

Philpott said the guide must be “relevant and practical” and provide advice for Canadians whether they are shopping at the grocery store or looking at a restaurant menu. It must be individualized and adaptable for food preferences and sensitivities, she said…. because we Canadians are soooo stupid!

Sasha McNicoll, co-ordinator of the Coalition for Healthy School Food, urged the federal government to fund a school food program in every school in the country as a way to ensure kids are eating nutritious food… because, you know, their parents are pigging out on Doritos;

“I think it’s only fair for the people who are selling food to be able to have opportunity to comment in terms of what the impact might be on them,” she said….ah yes the “transparency” word again.

“But they will not have impact on the advice given in the guide…”  say what? That’s like saying we’re going to ban candy bars while legalizing marijuana.  Oh wait! Are we sooo stupid as a society here in Canada. Are they serious.

A group representing the sector said the industry is already taking steps to encourage Canadians to make more informed, healthy food choices, and said it is “keen” to ensure further steps are taken…like making a turnip(rude-baker) taste like a Mars Bar.

Philpott said the Healthy Canada strategy has three pillars:

  • Healthy minds, including new initiatives to improve mental health…Hey man, I just read a book called the Stoner’s Life. It’s Canada’s guide to healthy toking;
  • Healthy living, including promotion of physical activity and fitness and new rules to deter smoking and vaping… I know what you’re thinkin Virginia, but takin Marijuana is not smoking, it’s tokin; and
  • Healthy eating, including the updated food guide and new labelling and marketing rules…for the Canadian Weed Guide…hey man can I have a toke.

“It can improve their health and it can improve their education outcomes,” she told CBC News. “An investment now can help children develop better eating habits into adulthood and that will hopefully save in health-care costs down the road.”…like, because, like, their parents are like sooo stupid y’know and like haven’t a clue, so we, like, have to step in and like save them from themselves whether they like it or not! Like y’know what I mean man…like c’mon pass the weed man.

We are doomed. The Devil’s Brigade is at it again.

 

Have a great weekend. Until Monday.

 

SJ………………………………..Out

 

 

All Right Now…Baby It’s a…….

Let’s See?

Image result for pics of amldivesWhew! It’s still there. Thought for a minutes the UN was right to predict the Maldives would be underwater by Jan 1 2018. Nope, still there with 33 days to go.

From a post last year. Sorry, posts will be down as I am dealing with a sickness in the family:

Don’t you know:

  1. Climate change is a  feminist movement. Why, because it’s always changing man…..;
  2. Carbon is a transgendered element of the Periodic Table. It is stuck between that borion “B” and that nitrogen-der;
  3. Cow farts and flatulence contributes to Global Warming and is therefore a masculine threat. Why? Because women never, ever fart. And if they do their farts never stink. It must be stamped out immediately. See #1 above;
  4. The other day an activist told me that Archimedes worked for big oil. This was in response to a discussion I had with him that he needn’t worry about major flooding and sea level rising if the Arctic Ice Cap melts
  5. Eureka! The Arctic Ice Cap is not melting. It’s expanding. It must be a feminist movement as well. “Am I getting bigger. Do I look fat to you honey?;”
  6. Global Warming causes hot summer weather;
  7. Global Warming causes cold, frigid winter weather;
  8. Frigidity is a feminist movement and must be stamped out at all costs;
  9. Global cooling is therefore, a feminist threat, and must be met with #3 above;
  10. Under peer review, as temperatures rise the warming effects of global warming will offset the cooling effects of global cooling as a result of the global warming. Got that? Yeah? cool! Chill man, er woman, er ne, ve or ze, er wo…oops…man
  11. Pesticides found in Marijuana! Ban marijuana now before it kills us;
  12. Pot for kids! Ban pot now because you can’t call the kettle back;
  13. Under the new marijuana legislation, every pot has a lid man, er women, er ne,ve or ze!;
  14. Heaven help us if the kids are our future…see #12 above;
  15. Hooray for natural gas…see #3 above.
  16. Liquid natural gas? Well a good dose of Keopectate will take care of that;
  17. Greenpeace and US activists protest First Nation sponsored aqua-culture…What?;
  18. Ne, Ve or Ze are Clockwork Oranges.
  19. Smoking kills but smoking pot is alright now man. It’s out of sight, out of mind, and out of body; and
  20. Thank God that I will be dead soon…see #s 19,14 and 12 above.

Madness!

 

SJ……………………………………..Out