Category: Weirdness and Craziness

You can’t make this up!

Call of Nature Redux

From the obviousness file

Rapper, er sorry, Clapper denounces Trump’s Arizona speech as scary. No it’s scary having a name like that.

Crapper made his obvious comments on CNN, which will be covered by the Washington Post and New York Times, all known supporters of Trump! Crapper got really excited by Trump’s racist comments “about the need for unity and inclusion.” Yup, downright scary. No this is scary:

Image result for antifa riots“What a riot man!” Antifa coming to a neighbourhood near you.

Or this from last fall:

The Left’s Sunday picnic at Berkeley. It was a BYOB, “Bring Your Own Bombs” affair. Hell of a party. The bar was kept pretty busy. “Everyone wants a Molotov Cocktail these days.” A volunteer worker was heard to say.  “I ran out of olives pretty quickly and at an event like this Black Olives really do matter.”

When kids are left alone with dad! Love it! (c/o twitter / facebook)

Slide 16 of 30: When a love of motorcycles is passed from father to son.

Success of future MARS mission dependant upon astronauts urine and CO2 emissions. I thought CO2 was poison man. Say what? And shit for fertilizer! They are going to call the first MARS expedition “The Call of Nature.”

Beach goers in a state of fearful frenzy as shark devours a seal. “Where is PETA when you need them?” One vegan on the beach was heard to say. “Gawd this can’t be right.” In response another was heard to say that “this is nothing but the call of nature.”

Cannabis not really effective against pain and PTSD, new study shows. They tried to treat patients suffering from chronic pain and PTSD with cannabis but couldn’t wake them up to determine efficacy. “Well, if you want to sleep all day then I guess it is okay for that,” a prominent researcher, Dr. Walter White, who wanted to remain anonymous, stated.

An Asian ESPN Sports announcer by the name of Robert Lee pulled from doing the play by play at a UVA football game. On another note an Asian entrepreneur who owns a string of Chinese restaurants was forced to change the name. “Holy Chow” was considered too religious for some patrons to stomach. He changed the name to “Holy Cow.” It is expected that PETA may have something to say about this new branding scheme. Meanwhile sales of his food chain skyrocketing in India.

CNN calls Trump demented, sexist, racist, a Nazi – “is there anything else in the lexicon that we can use?” Wolf was heard to say. I’ll let their own words speak for itself.

Trump sending troops to Afghanistan. New mission and aim. Destroy ISIS and terrorists. Kill them! No more pussy footing around. A prominent Canadian who wants to remain anonymous, wearing his new black and white socks, became outraged when he heard this new directive coming from the White House.

Some of my latest least favourites:

Least favourite colour……………………… Green
Least favourite word………………………… Transparency
Least favourite food…………………………..Tofu
Least favourite song…………………………..Imagine.
Least favourite team…………………………. Leafs
Least favourite French expression…………..Je suis (insert whatever here)

That’s about it for today

Song of the day. Yup, Badfinger again.

https://youtu.be/yDfH5j0o5hk

SJ…………………………………….Out

 

 

 

Dear Davos

In keeping With Justin’s trip to Davos and his presentation to the World Economic Forum:

But first Justin’s new math: New ancient Math tablet discovered. Will change everything we thought we knew about new Math.

The 3,700-year-old Babylonian tablet Plimpton 322 at the Rare Book and Manuscript Library at Columbia University in New York.         1 + 1 = 3…Yikes

On another note: Province’s education minister calling out those parents who complain about the math program as suffering from”Mathaphobia.”  “They will be dealt with” hey/zey and zir announced.

Trudeau’s Speechwriter at Davos?. “I don’t need no teleprompter.” Trudeau was heard to say!

Image result for embarrasing pics of trudeau Trudeau’s Economic Policy. Trudeau remarked: “It’s just too complicated for ordinary Canadians to understand. It all boils down to four words: F%$K the Middle Class.

Or this:

 

Image result for embarrassinf pics of trudeau

Finally, on Terrorism:

Image result for embarrasing pics of trudeau      “Just like me!”

On Foreign Policy, Justin was equally profound:

“Canada’s foreign policy is all foreign to me Fare!”

Other important stuff:

Nafta and Canada. “Naf said,” McKenna, Canada’s Climate Barbie announces in her down homer accent.  “Ta!, Bye, Bye.”

 

At a recent press conference, Justin Trudeau called U.S.-based Haitians entering Quebec “irregular” immigrants, as opposed to illegal ones, even though they are illegal.

On another note, and following Trudeau’s comments, a Canadian government official, Ahmed Hussein er Hussen, the “Minister for Illegal Immigration,” who wishes to remain anonymous, says that Keopectate will be issued to all new illegals, er irregulars. Trudeau then left for his latest round of international meetings and important discussions with foreign leaders and Heads of State.

“No Mum, this is the way to do the Macarena.”

Image result for pictures of justin trudeau and merkel

“Hey Mutti, I just passed Ontario’s sex education program.”

“Wonderbra Justin. I’m so excited.”

Continuing on in the Badfinger vein:

https://youtu.be/tKbsvha5Ehw

 

 

SJ…………………………………………….Out

Our Sultans of Swing

Thanks for all your thoughts and cards. Appreciated it. The boys and I are doing alright.

 

Hard to get into it today. Buddy of mine sent me this. Thought it was great:

The difference between complete and finished. Is that like the difference between who and whom? No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words.

In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by,
supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.

The final question was: How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.

Here is his astute answer:

When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.

When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED

And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!!!

He won a trip around the world and a case of 25 year old Scotch!

Of course I wouldn’t know about that at all!

 

World leaders are meeting in Davos Switzerland this week to discuss many neat things…like the environment. Oxymoronic don’t you think when Al Gore et al predicted the end of blow…er snow… as a result of global warming…er climate change? Must have been a tad embarrassing arriving at Davos to see this:

“I’m sure he (Gore) said the end of blow…the representatives from Mexico and Columbia snorted. That is racist I tell you, bloody racist.”

Meanwhile

Natural disasters caused more than $300 billion in damage in 2017 and environmental dangers dominate the top risks in the Global Risks Report. Climate change will increase the risks.

No, building homes on flood plains will. Development within arid dry brush areas will. Poor forestry practices will, neglect of critical infrastructure will. Building homes in isolated areas will. 90% of forest fires are caused by humans either deliberately or indirectly….will….So there William!

Participants include: Al Gore, former U.S. Vice-President (of what?); Peter O’Neill, Prime Minister of Papua New Guinea (Who?); Philipp M. Hildebrand, Vice-Chairman, BlackRock (Who?); Hailemariam Desalegn, Prime Minister of Ethiopia (Who?); Hindou Oumarou Ibrahim, Coordinator, Association for Indigenous Women and Peoples of Chad (of Whom?) … all of whom…er who…no whom… are signatories for the implementation of the UN’s climate Change fraud…er fund. Trudeau nodded in agreement. “Hey I’ll raise you $2.5B for that fund.”  “Canadians are so gullible” he whispered into an open mic.

“Yeah, but it’s Canadian dollars you know Justine….” they all laughed when they realized that important fact.

Yeah that’ll do it Al. A who’s who in the climate change world.

 

Will Trump crash this party?

Probably. Expect “America First,” a broadside against unfair trade practices, tough talk toward enemies and a fair bit of bragging when U.S. President Donald Trump speaks at the World Economic Forum (WTF?) next week, according to a range of policy commentators.

You know, standing up for what is right about one’s own country. Just like Germany, France and the Swiss do. America first?

“No bloody way Mutti Merkel touts.  It’s isolationist, racist I tell you. How dare you look out for your constituents. Zat iz not the European vay”

Interesting that Switzerland has been ranked as the best country in the world in which to live…two years running. “Oh, are they part of the EU financial and cultural basket case? No? No?  Can there be a correlation here? Mutti was asked.

“No, no, no ….just move vight along.” she responded.

Meanwhile Trudeau, not to be outdone by Trump, assured the audience at Davos that while Trump acts like the big bad bully he is Canada remains steadfast as a beacon of light and hope in an ever increasing dangerous world. Just look at me folks:

See, even these people agree. Are they laughing at Trump or Trudeau’s new sweater:

Image result for pics of Trudeau's sweatersToo much craziness out there.

Hey I see Canada is now ranked #2 of the best countries in the world in which to live. Switzerland is #1. Nutella beat out Maple Syrup for the second year in a row………..sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

This just in:  A dozen beasts have been disqualified from this year’s Saudi “camel beauty contest” because their handlers used Botox to make them more handsome….I kid you not!

Saudi Arabia bans botox from camel beauty pageant

This latest scandal coming in on the heels of the 2017 Muslim Beauty pageant.

Image result for pics of burkas

During the Burka swimsuit competition the judges were heard to remark. “This was truly a huge challenge as no clear winner emerged.”

Hump day in Saudi Arabia takes on a whole new meaning.

Today’s “Oxymoronic Award” goes to:

At Davos, Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi called for greater international cooperation on issues such as climate change and cited the rise of protectionism as a threat facing the world, presenting a vision at odds with U.S. President Donald Trump’s “America First” approach.

Why do we even listen to these guys anymore?

Oh and the latest Darwin award goes to our new generation of kids:

“YouTube and Facebook are trying to stop the spread of the Tide Pod Challenge, a bizarre and dangerous online craze where teenagers eat laundry detergent packets on camera.”

Heard in passing:

“Gawd, when I was a kid we were so poor that I had to eat my tide right out of the box.”

“Oh yeah? Not me. We were soooo poor when I was a kid that my mom washed my mouth out with a used bar of soap each and every day! So there……….!”

Tune of the day:

I don’t know. Is a Sultan a Muslim elder or a Burka swimsuit competition judge, or what? I just don’t know but this song rocks.

 

Have a wonderful Wednesday.

 

 

SJ……………………………………………….Out

 

 

 

 

 

 

Apple Of My Eye

Thanks for all of your thoughts and concerns. The boys and I are doing okay.

Saw this over the holidays. Our illustrious PM and his brother showing off their “Last Supper” Christmas sweaters. Sweet Justinian!

Now, how about showing off your Muslim sweats guys…Hmmm…or socks?

From the Goracle files comes this: New Ice age caused by global warming. Sleight of hand or what. Yup, Horseshoe falls in mid July, don’t you know.

Or this

What did you do on your summer vacation Al

 

Finally, Tighter Looking Skin For Men [do this daily]

Men are doing this everyday for tighter looking skin. Antifa, BLM are going nuts. Back in the day this would be called – Blackface. Hey, but just change the name or brand, call it male cosmetics, and it’s all okay.

Love this one. I read a very long article over the weekend about what to do during a nuclear attack. I could summarize that whole piece with just one word:  “duck!” oh, and kiss your ass goodbye.

Meghan Markle’s bad seed. I can’t believe this one. Some Brit Journalist has made the claim that when Meghan Markle marries Harry, her bad seed will taint the Royal bloodline. Oh you mean this bloodline:

Image result for crazy pics of prince charles                        or this                     Image result for crazy pics of prince charles

But I always thought that the seed came before the egg!  Harry??? Just saying that’s all.

From the craziness file comes these two nuggets:

It would appear that in Switzerland, in taking the lead from New Zealand, it will now be illegal to boil lobsters while they are still alive due to lobster sensitivities. Heard in passing:

“What do we do now?” A Swiss Sous Chef was want to ask his Sur Chef.

“Take this here hammer Louis, then knock the crap out of it, then throw it into the pot of boiling water. Yup, that’ll do it.  And it’s all legal.”

“Hey, and those flowers there?”;

“Yeah”

“Well we can no longer cut their stems for fear of causing long term flower grief. We don’t want to hurt their feelings…er petals!”

“Geraniums unite, I say WRGM – as in White and Red Geraniums Matter.”

My only question about all of this would be; how will the Swiss enforce and police this one?

 

Heard in passing at an airport somewhere in North America.

“But I don’t want a return ticket to Brussels. One way will do. I have a euthanasia tourist package to Belgium don’t you know. And it’s all inclusive”

Chinese take-out box has a new feature. It’s ideal for the Belgium all inclusive euthanasia tourist packages!

Shithouse comment – Bloggers like me just love Trump. The gift that keeps on giving. Love this: courtesy of Maggie’s Farm:

 

This just in! The double burp! Astronomers have caught a massive black hole letting out a “double burp” after bingeing on hot gas.

Burps, black holeArrows point to the two burps of gas coming from the black hole: the top arrow points to the newer burp and the bottom arrow points to the older burp.

And here I thought it was just another all day long CNN exclusive, listening in on one of Trump’s executive meetings.

BTW, how, on earth, did they measure that?

 

Tune for the day:……………….. Courtesy of You Tube

https://youtu.be/OBfwIPWGUm0

Prayer for the day:

Please dear Lord. Give us back Peter Ham and we’ll give you Justin Bieber.

 

Have a terrific Tuesday. Great, Homicide Detective is on tonight!

 

SJ……..Burp, Belch..S’cuse me…………………………………….Out

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Snow Blower Man

Apologize, family emergency. This post is a repeat from last September:

 

Hypocrisy of the media:

Athlete’s who take a knee or kneel down during the anthem should be in church, not on the field, or ice or whatever,praying hard that they will not lose their jobs. Meanwhile Tim Tebow takes a knee, called “tebowing,” in his celebration of a higher power prior to a game and he gets crucified by the press!

“I feel so oppressed” one athlete of colour was heard to say.  I was expecting $50 million this season but they only gave me $40 million. “Racist, it’s bloody racist I tell you,” as he was munching away on his Doritos, that dastardly symbol of white oppression.

Penguins hailed during visit to  the White House after winning the Stanley Cup in 2009 and 2016. Penguins vilified for daring to visit the White House after 2017 win.

Obama……………………………………………….a saint
Hillary……………………………………………….an angel
Trump……………………………………………… the devil incarnate.

You watch. Obama will be made a saint just a few years after his death.

And then there is this:

The “World Language Body” a UN body located in Medellin Columbia wants to change the word “snow” to something else. “Snow is just sooooo White Privilege. I mean look at it. So, we are going to change it to “blow.” “That’s more in line with the world’s shared values” another WLB official snorted.  “Besides saying – it is really blowing outside – kills two descriptive statements into one. We think that is so neet (sic).”

Speaking of Blow:

“China Deals Major Blow to North Korea…”

Image result for crazy pics of kim un                            Image result for crazy pics of kim un

“We’ll be giving them at least 1 million kilos a year” a Chinese official was heard to say. “That’s major blow in my books. Oh, you were thinking of UN sanctions were you? Rats a good one” he responded. RoR!

Bird in the hand so to speak!

Image result for pics of trudeau and trump“Forgive me Donald, but I don’t know where that hand’s been.

Hugh Hefner’s Playboy mansion a ‘surreal’ experience for Canadian who stayed six months. “Yeah, I was on my back the whole time I was there” she said. “Wow! Sir is that for real.” when she had a peaky boo!

Every week something new from the left…to protest or get their undies all in a knot. First there was Pride, then BLM, then SJWs, then Black Olives Matter, then Green organic pizza, then Donald’s Trump, then Antifa, then statues, then pigeons defecating on their statues, then everything white, then kneeling down outside of church, then Athlete oppressions due to their high salaries. What is next? That you can no longer say “Trump” during Bridge and Euchre games? Can’t say spades either? And saying “Spades are Trump” will definitely get the clubs on you?

Oh yeah. This latest nugget from the lefty’s world of hate and intolerance: people who are right handed should be shunned and berated for their white privilege and their racist behaviour.

Hillary Clinton visits Toronto and delivers a speech at the Enercare Centre while on book tour for "What Happened."

Now you know we’re in trouble as a country. Toronto goes into rapture mode during Hillary Clinton visit. Unbelievable. Her husband receives similar treatment whenever he visits. You know Trump has the “Art of the Deal” to fall back on while the other has the “Art of the Dough” to contend with. What would you rather deal with?

Oh, so that’s why all these guys are on their knees. They pine for the good ole daze.

And what does Trudeau have? The “Art of the Screw” as he moves to screw Canadians more and more each and every day. Then again, we Canadians being so smug are smug in the knowledge that we are the most screwed nation on earth…. and loving it…………………..Geesh!

This just in from the Canadian Press: “OJ to get steak and an iPhone after release….wow. And this is news?…..Why?

Love this one. Just shows what happens when one has shit for brains. Cartoon is from Theo and Maggie’s Farm. Great blog there by the way.

Fourth Gravitational Pull detected:

Astronomers say they have detected another set of gravitational waves — ripples in the fabric of space and time traveling throughout the Universe. It’s the fourth time this phenomenon has been measured by the scientists at LEGO, er sorry LIGO, or the Laser Interferometer Gravitational-Wave Observatory. The same group made history by detecting the first wave signals early last year. While such detections seem to be routine now, this latest discovery is unique since it was also picked up by a separate non-LIGO observatory.

“I was blown away,” one Astronomer was heard to say.

SJ………………….Out