Category: Weirdness and Craziness

You can’t make this up!

Our Sultans of Swing

Thanks for all your thoughts and cards. Appreciated it. The boys and I are doing alright.

 

Hard to get into it today. Buddy of mine sent me this. Thought it was great:

The difference between complete and finished. Is that like the difference between who and whom? No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words.

In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by,
supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.

The final question was: How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.

Here is his astute answer:

When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.

When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED

And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!!!

He won a trip around the world and a case of 25 year old Scotch!

Of course I wouldn’t know about that at all!

 

World leaders are meeting in Davos Switzerland this week to discuss many neat things…like the environment. Oxymoronic don’t you think when Al Gore et al predicted the end of blow…er snow… as a result of global warming…er climate change? Must have been a tad embarrassing arriving at Davos to see this:

“I’m sure he (Gore) said the end of blow…the representatives from Mexico and Columbia snorted. That is racist I tell you, bloody racist.”

Meanwhile

Natural disasters caused more than $300 billion in damage in 2017 and environmental dangers dominate the top risks in the Global Risks Report. Climate change will increase the risks.

No, building homes on flood plains will. Development within arid dry brush areas will. Poor forestry practices will, neglect of critical infrastructure will. Building homes in isolated areas will. 90% of forest fires are caused by humans either deliberately or indirectly….will….So there William!

Participants include: Al Gore, former U.S. Vice-President (of what?); Peter O’Neill, Prime Minister of Papua New Guinea (Who?); Philipp M. Hildebrand, Vice-Chairman, BlackRock (Who?); Hailemariam Desalegn, Prime Minister of Ethiopia (Who?); Hindou Oumarou Ibrahim, Coordinator, Association for Indigenous Women and Peoples of Chad (of Whom?) … all of whom…er who…no whom… are signatories for the implementation of the UN’s climate Change fraud…er fund. Trudeau nodded in agreement. “Hey I’ll raise you $2.5B for that fund.”  “Canadians are so gullible” he whispered into an open mic.

“Yeah, but it’s Canadian dollars you know Justine….” they all laughed when they realized that important fact.

Yeah that’ll do it Al. A who’s who in the climate change world.

 

Will Trump crash this party?

Probably. Expect “America First,” a broadside against unfair trade practices, tough talk toward enemies and a fair bit of bragging when U.S. President Donald Trump speaks at the World Economic Forum (WTF?) next week, according to a range of policy commentators.

You know, standing up for what is right about one’s own country. Just like Germany, France and the Swiss do. America first?

“No bloody way Mutti Merkel touts.  It’s isolationist, racist I tell you. How dare you look out for your constituents. Zat iz not the European vay”

Interesting that Switzerland has been ranked as the best country in the world in which to live…two years running. “Oh, are they part of the EU financial and cultural basket case? No? No?  Can there be a correlation here? Mutti was asked.

“No, no, no ….just move vight along.” she responded.

Meanwhile Trudeau, not to be outdone by Trump, assured the audience at Davos that while Trump acts like the big bad bully he is Canada remains steadfast as a beacon of light and hope in an ever increasing dangerous world. Just look at me folks:

See, even these people agree. Are they laughing at Trump or Trudeau’s new sweater:

Image result for pics of Trudeau's sweatersToo much craziness out there.

Hey I see Canada is now ranked #2 of the best countries in the world in which to live. Switzerland is #1. Nutella beat out Maple Syrup for the second year in a row………..sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

This just in:  A dozen beasts have been disqualified from this year’s Saudi “camel beauty contest” because their handlers used Botox to make them more handsome….I kid you not!

Saudi Arabia bans botox from camel beauty pageant

This latest scandal coming in on the heels of the 2017 Muslim Beauty pageant.

Image result for pics of burkas

During the Burka swimsuit competition the judges were heard to remark. “This was truly a huge challenge as no clear winner emerged.”

Hump day in Saudi Arabia takes on a whole new meaning.

Today’s “Oxymoronic Award” goes to:

At Davos, Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi called for greater international cooperation on issues such as climate change and cited the rise of protectionism as a threat facing the world, presenting a vision at odds with U.S. President Donald Trump’s “America First” approach.

Why do we even listen to these guys anymore?

Oh and the latest Darwin award goes to our new generation of kids:

“YouTube and Facebook are trying to stop the spread of the Tide Pod Challenge, a bizarre and dangerous online craze where teenagers eat laundry detergent packets on camera.”

Heard in passing:

“Gawd, when I was a kid we were so poor that I had to eat my tide right out of the box.”

“Oh yeah? Not me. We were soooo poor when I was a kid that my mom washed my mouth out with a used bar of soap each and every day! So there……….!”

Tune of the day:

I don’t know. Is a Sultan a Muslim elder or a Burka swimsuit competition judge, or what? I just don’t know but this song rocks.

 

Have a wonderful Wednesday.

 

 

SJ……………………………………………….Out

 

 

 

 

 

 

Apple Of My Eye

Thanks for all of your thoughts and concerns. The boys and I are doing okay.

Saw this over the holidays. Our illustrious PM and his brother showing off their “Last Supper” Christmas sweaters. Sweet Justinian!

Now, how about showing off your Muslim sweats guys…Hmmm…or socks?

From the Goracle files comes this: New Ice age caused by global warming. Sleight of hand or what. Yup, Horseshoe falls in mid July, don’t you know.

Or this

What did you do on your summer vacation Al

 

Finally, Tighter Looking Skin For Men [do this daily]

Men are doing this everyday for tighter looking skin. Antifa, BLM are going nuts. Back in the day this would be called – Blackface. Hey, but just change the name or brand, call it male cosmetics, and it’s all okay.

Love this one. I read a very long article over the weekend about what to do during a nuclear attack. I could summarize that whole piece with just one word:  “duck!” oh, and kiss your ass goodbye.

Meghan Markle’s bad seed. I can’t believe this one. Some Brit Journalist has made the claim that when Meghan Markle marries Harry, her bad seed will taint the Royal bloodline. Oh you mean this bloodline:

Image result for crazy pics of prince charles                        or this                     Image result for crazy pics of prince charles

But I always thought that the seed came before the egg!  Harry??? Just saying that’s all.

From the craziness file comes these two nuggets:

It would appear that in Switzerland, in taking the lead from New Zealand, it will now be illegal to boil lobsters while they are still alive due to lobster sensitivities. Heard in passing:

“What do we do now?” A Swiss Sous Chef was want to ask his Sur Chef.

“Take this here hammer Louis, then knock the crap out of it, then throw it into the pot of boiling water. Yup, that’ll do it.  And it’s all legal.”

“Hey, and those flowers there?”;

“Yeah”

“Well we can no longer cut their stems for fear of causing long term flower grief. We don’t want to hurt their feelings…er petals!”

“Geraniums unite, I say WRGM – as in White and Red Geraniums Matter.”

My only question about all of this would be; how will the Swiss enforce and police this one?

 

Heard in passing at an airport somewhere in North America.

“But I don’t want a return ticket to Brussels. One way will do. I have a euthanasia tourist package to Belgium don’t you know. And it’s all inclusive”

Chinese take-out box has a new feature. It’s ideal for the Belgium all inclusive euthanasia tourist packages!

Shithouse comment – Bloggers like me just love Trump. The gift that keeps on giving. Love this: courtesy of Maggie’s Farm:

 

This just in! The double burp! Astronomers have caught a massive black hole letting out a “double burp” after bingeing on hot gas.

Burps, black holeArrows point to the two burps of gas coming from the black hole: the top arrow points to the newer burp and the bottom arrow points to the older burp.

And here I thought it was just another all day long CNN exclusive, listening in on one of Trump’s executive meetings.

BTW, how, on earth, did they measure that?

 

Tune for the day:……………….. Courtesy of You Tube

Prayer for the day:

Please dear Lord. Give us back Peter Ham and we’ll give you Justin Bieber.

 

Have a terrific Tuesday. Great, Homicide Detective is on tonight!

 

SJ……..Burp, Belch..S’cuse me…………………………………….Out

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Snow Blower Man

Apologize, family emergency. This post is a repeat from last September:

 

Hypocrisy of the media:

Athlete’s who take a knee or kneel down during the anthem should be in church, not on the field, or ice or whatever,praying hard that they will not lose their jobs. Meanwhile Tim Tebow takes a knee, called “tebowing,” in his celebration of a higher power prior to a game and he gets crucified by the press!

“I feel so oppressed” one athlete of colour was heard to say.  I was expecting $50 million this season but they only gave me $40 million. “Racist, it’s bloody racist I tell you,” as he was munching away on his Doritos, that dastardly symbol of white oppression.

Penguins hailed during visit to  the White House after winning the Stanley Cup in 2009 and 2016. Penguins vilified for daring to visit the White House after 2017 win.

Obama……………………………………………….a saint
Hillary……………………………………………….an angel
Trump……………………………………………… the devil incarnate.

You watch. Obama will be made a saint just a few years after his death.

And then there is this:

The “World Language Body” a UN body located in Medellin Columbia wants to change the word “snow” to something else. “Snow is just sooooo White Privilege. I mean look at it. So, we are going to change it to “blow.” “That’s more in line with the world’s shared values” another WLB official snorted.  “Besides saying – it is really blowing outside – kills two descriptive statements into one. We think that is so neet (sic).”

Speaking of Blow:

“China Deals Major Blow to North Korea…”

Image result for crazy pics of kim un                            Image result for crazy pics of kim un

“We’ll be giving them at least 1 million kilos a year” a Chinese official was heard to say. “That’s major blow in my books. Oh, you were thinking of UN sanctions were you? Rats a good one” he responded. RoR!

Bird in the hand so to speak!

Image result for pics of trudeau and trump“Forgive me Donald, but I don’t know where that hand’s been.

Hugh Hefner’s Playboy mansion a ‘surreal’ experience for Canadian who stayed six months. “Yeah, I was on my back the whole time I was there” she said. “Wow! Sir is that for real.” when she had a peaky boo!

Every week something new from the left…to protest or get their undies all in a knot. First there was Pride, then BLM, then SJWs, then Black Olives Matter, then Green organic pizza, then Donald’s Trump, then Antifa, then statues, then pigeons defecating on their statues, then everything white, then kneeling down outside of church, then Athlete oppressions due to their high salaries. What is next? That you can no longer say “Trump” during Bridge and Euchre games? Can’t say spades either? And saying “Spades are Trump” will definitely get the clubs on you?

Oh yeah. This latest nugget from the lefty’s world of hate and intolerance: people who are right handed should be shunned and berated for their white privilege and their racist behaviour.

Hillary Clinton visits Toronto and delivers a speech at the Enercare Centre while on book tour for "What Happened."

Now you know we’re in trouble as a country. Toronto goes into rapture mode during Hillary Clinton visit. Unbelievable. Her husband receives similar treatment whenever he visits. You know Trump has the “Art of the Deal” to fall back on while the other has the “Art of the Dough” to contend with. What would you rather deal with?

Oh, so that’s why all these guys are on their knees. They pine for the good ole daze.

And what does Trudeau have? The “Art of the Screw” as he moves to screw Canadians more and more each and every day. Then again, we Canadians being so smug are smug in the knowledge that we are the most screwed nation on earth…. and loving it…………………..Geesh!

This just in from the Canadian Press: “OJ to get steak and an iPhone after release….wow. And this is news?…..Why?

Love this one. Just shows what happens when one has shit for brains. Cartoon is from Theo and Maggie’s Farm. Great blog there by the way.

Fourth Gravitational Pull detected:

Astronomers say they have detected another set of gravitational waves — ripples in the fabric of space and time traveling throughout the Universe. It’s the fourth time this phenomenon has been measured by the scientists at LEGO, er sorry LIGO, or the Laser Interferometer Gravitational-Wave Observatory. The same group made history by detecting the first wave signals early last year. While such detections seem to be routine now, this latest discovery is unique since it was also picked up by a separate non-LIGO observatory.

“I was blown away,” one Astronomer was heard to say.

SJ………………….Out

WHO Wants To Ban Sugar

Few new posts for awhile. Family emergency. Here is a repeat from last year. Still relevant:

From the “World Health Organization”……………………Who?

We want to tax sugar to fight obesity… SWEEEEEEET!

From the school of common sense: get them off their asses and into the playgrounds, sports programs, and throw their Xboxes, IPhones and Tablets into the trash. Bring back play, as the saying goes.

But it’s their right to do what they want. Right?

Kids have no responsibilities therefore they have no rights!

And what about rights. Do you think you have rights? What rights? Think again man or women or ne,ve,ze. This is just a smoke screen and another example of how our individual freedoms and rights are being undermined by government legislators – at all levels. Soon we will be told what to eat, what to drink, what to wear, what to say, what to think, what to watch, what to drive, what bloody light bulbs we have to use.

Legislators will ban herbicides, ban pesticides, ban perfume, ban cologne, ban lawnmowers, ban red meat, ban white meat for its privilege, ban “Monster Truck” shows, ban camping, ban boating, ban contact sports, ban BBQ’s, ban fun. If left unchecked there will be no idling of cars, hey, no driving of cars, no international air travel, no travel at all, no smoking, no swearing, no drinking, no critical thought if you please, no consequences for bad personal decisions or choices, no discipline as it’s always somebody else’s fault. The do good-ers and the activists are having a field day. By the way, have you ever met a happy activist or a happy environ-mental -ist? Nope? Neither have I.

It took me 65 years to become a Grumpy Old Man. These environmental whackos and Social Justice Warriors had that locked up the minute they entered University.

Orwell had it right all along. Only he was well ahead of our times. Oh the horror of it all. People – wake up!!!

Next they’ll want to tax the very air that we breathe. Oh wait, they’re doing that now with their so called Carbon Tax. After all when we inhale we have to exhale, and that my friends contains CO2 – so stop breathing to save the planet. In today’s world telling someone figuratively to “drop dead” has a whole new meaning…THEY MEAN IT!

They’ll want to tax volcanic eruptions and erections next.

And given the UN’s stellar record of collective security and peacekeeping – Rwanda, Sudan, Somalia – come to mind; their impressive decisions on Human Rights as reflected by the righteousness of the UN Human Rights Council; the inspirational insight that the UN demonstrated with their election of Zimbabwe as the lead nation on the United Nations’ Commission on Sustainable Development, their appointment of Iran to head the committee on the status of women and Libya to chair the Human Rights Council a few years back; and their dynamic organizational skills and efficacy in financial administration as witnessed by their Oil for Food program and the human disaster that is called Haiti, why oh why on earth would anyone with half a brain in their head believe in the conclusions drawn up by the UN’s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change. Huh? Huh?

People?………………………………..WAKE UP

 

Just saying, that’s all.

 

SJ………………………………..Out!

Aujourd Weed….Man!

Another repeat post that I felt needs a reboot. Sorry, dealing with a family issue……………………SJ!

According to the UN, there are just 30 more days until the Maldives disappear due to Global Warming and Climate Change

Maldives today

Image result for pics of the maldivesBe scared, be very, very scared………………………….of the UN!

 

The new, old TV program, “The Good Doctor” has been given a full season…great, can’t wait. Is this “The Good Wife’s” offspring or a regurgitation of “Dougie Hauser, MD.” C’mon guys get original here. We are not stupid. I pray for a miracle continually: “Please God give us back “Breaking Bad” and we’ll give you “The Good Doctor.”

New Canadian $20 coin honouring “snowflakes” everywhere. Millennials should buy this up fast. But snow is white. It is white privilege I tell you.” Shame on you Canada. Change the name immediately to “blow.” At $20 a crack, This Blow Matters.

News Flash: “New California law allows jail time for using wrong gender pronoun, sponsor denies that would happen. “Yes, Zir, no zir, your shit-bags full zir is zall I have to zay about zat. It is really a German pronoun you know” the government official stated.  A major San Andreas fault event can’t come soon enough. Yes, more on LGBTABCDEFHIJKLMNOPQURSTUVWXYZ stuff as most of northern California is burning.

Washington Post caption to the picture below: “Emissions spew out of a large stack at the coal-fired Morgantown Generating Station on Oct. 10, 2017 in Newburg, Maryland.” Dirty dirty, dirty coal. But you see the two stacks on the right are old stacks, decommissioned, while the one on the left is a new generation scrubber stack which extracts just about all of the dirty stuff. What you see there is clean steam arising. But the environ-mentals will not mention that dirty little secret.

NATO is there to protect Canada if North Korea poses a threat….hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah….Oh, you mean these guys:

Image result for pics of north korean hats

Yeah right and the UN is going to admit that Climate Change was an elaborate hoax. As I remember NATO stands for North Atlantic Treaty Organization. Last time I checked North Korea was nowhere near the North Atlantic. But hey, who am I to judge an organization that is broad on politics but widely illiterate on geography. All Canada needs to do to take out these guys is an effective electron-magnet.

Wow. What’s good for the gander is bad for the goose, or so the saying goes. York school board takes down school’s 43-year-old totem pole after one complaint lodged. Try doing that out here in BC and you will be in for one huge native insur-erection.

Canadian Liberals lied after blowing budget to lecture TRUMP. They meant snow rather than blow but that is so white privilege that they changed the wording somewhat. “Apparently their noses were out of joint,” one official snorted.

Truth and Reconciliation committee announces a $750M payout to Indigenous people who as children were forced out of their family situations to adoption and therefore lost contact with their culture. Truth and Reconciliation is Canadian Liberal code for “the Gift that keeps on giving.” When is this going to end? On the one hand living in an isolated community in an area who’s only claim to fame is the size of the black flies and mosquitos is terrible for youth suicides, drunkenness and domestic violence, while on the other hand taking them away from this toxic environment is akin to genocide and a blatant attack by racist governments on their culture. It is a win, win situation for the Indigenous people and a lose lose situation for the government of any day, today and for generations of governments to come….Geesh.

Death of the “Energy East Project” puts New Brunswick’s economy at risk. Who or what is a New Brunswick? They manufacture pool tables don’t they? They have an economy? They’re liberal are they not? End of story. But they do have Quebec’s raw sewage to contend with. “Shit happens man and it flows downstream to the place of least resistance – New Brunswick. From one liberal shit riding to another. Who cares?” a Liberal insider was heard to comment on the situation.

Angela Merkel won again. Someone said she is far right. No she is far out man!

Sweden starts a “Death Cleaning” initiative. De-cluttering your stuff before you depart. Wow. I do believe Sweden is twinned with California.

Macron is in big trouble with his constituents. How do you spell France? G…R…E…E…C…E.  Like Greece, French workers are ticked about their 1.5 hour work week. It is too much to ask, s’il vous plate!

 

SJ…..Out……………Bon Jour et aujourd weed to you too…Toke anyone?