Month: July 2019

Nothing New

Getting into the dog days of summer. Very little to report.

Have a beer. Okay. Have you got the opener?

Gotta love those Brits…er Irish. Humour.

A Dutch swimming pool. C’mon in the Pilsner’s great.

I see the Tour de Farce is on:

I watched the Tour de France today on TV. Now there is an exciting spectator sport if I ever saw one. Like cross country skiing! And what does one call a large group of cyclists anyway? A turd? I mean a group of whales is called a pod, seagulls a flock. So what do we call a group of cyclists? Probably a herd. Okay, watching this herd of cyclists covering about 200 km was as exciting as watching paint dry, or watching the paint dry on a barn door.

”Paint dry? What is dat? “ My Dutch colleague asked.

“Well, you know, like watching grass grow.” I answered as diplomatically as possible.

”I don’t understand dis, paint dry or grass grow.” He looked at me with askance – a dumb sort of look on his face.

“Okay I’ll be as diplomatic as I can be.” I replied.

It’s……..B-O-R-I-N-G

“Sucre blue” he exclaimed in his best Dutch.

“ You mean Sacre Bleu?” I corrected him.

”Dats vat I say, Sucre blew.”

So after 2 hours of watching a turd, I mean herd, of cyclists ride by the announcer comes on to inform us all – with bated breath – that there are only 150 km to go.

“Getting close” I thought to myself – ooooooooo

And what did the man on the street have to say after camping out for over a week on this stretch of a French country road to watch this herd ride by.

”So what do you think?” The French reporter asked.

“Well I have been out here for a week just to see this race!” The spectator exclaimed. And just as he was telling the reporter what he felt the terd, I mean herd, rode by in a flash.

“I missed the herd. I have been here all week.” Damn…..Sacre Blue.”

” You mean Sucre Blewd.” The Dutchman corrected him.

What this really boils down to is that like spectators all over the world they are really hoping and praying that this herd of terds will wipe-out.

Tour de Farce!

Time change? Do you agree or disagree with it. Well the UK Parks department at Stonehenge definitely have something to say about it: (Click on the link then open).

Stonehenge

That’s about it for today. I also have a quote:

“When I married Ms. Right, I had no idea her first name was Always.”

And a joke:

“A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
But always talked about having a son. 

They decided to try one last time 
For the son they always wanted. 

The wife got pregnant 
And delivered a healthy baby boy. 

The joyful father rushed to the nursery 
To see his new son. 

He was horrified at the ugliest child 
He had ever seen. 

He told his wife: ‘There’s no way I can 
Be the father of this baby. 
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! 
Have you been fooling around behind my back?’

The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 

‘No, not this time!'” 

This song will get your toes tappin. “Ramblin Man” by the Allman Brothers Band. Dickie on lead vocal and guitar. One of the best solos ever. 1972 was a great year for music.

Have a great weekend.

 

SJ……………………..Out

 

 

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

See the source image

“Life is like a box of chocolates you know….cause ya never know what your gonna get….” except of course the ones with the nuts…

Consider just how nutty Canada’s policy is on building pipelines:

“We already knew how bad C-69 was when it was introduced as a bill. And of course, it goes without saying, all the bizarre conditions and regulations would only apply to Canadian industry. There would be no gender analysis or Aboriginal analysis or queer analysis or feminist analysis of oil brought in from the U.S. by rail, or brought in from Saudi Arabia by tanker.”

Cause they’re all eunuchs in Saudi Arabia.

Never mind that, what on earth does a queer, or a feminist analysis have to do with the building of a pipeline. Oh you mean that somebody is going to get fooked? Oh, it’s a metaphor. I see and I get it now.. Indigenous analysis. What on earth is that? Oh I get it. That is when a pipeline goes through Indian Land and the natives only get 10 gazillion dollars in royalties. They’re fooked as well. Or perhaps they are smoking something from their pipes. Incredible.

Stupid does what stupid wants: India mission bureaucratic and diplomatic staff were subjected to Canadian government counseling sessions titled “Minding Difficult Conversations”, “Building Civility in the Workplace” and a 3-hour session named “Values and Ethics in the Workplace.” This was done after Trudeau’s disastrous India visit. At the end of it all they were also subjected to 1.5 hour long exercise called the marshmallow and spaghetti challenge. Participants were “divided into teams that compete with each other using certain supplies… (including spaghetti and a marshmallow) to see who can build the tallest structure”. The winner got a box of chocolates, smores and a posting to Parliament Hill.

More chocolate nuts: Trudeau Liberals hiring a climate Barbie whisperer to help Catherine McKenna. Who you may ask?…..why Ken of course. How much? $2M. I kid you not.

 

And the sad thing in all of this? Polls are indicating that Trudeau is going to win the next election. Stupidity rules.

Nuttier still from the LGBTQ community: an abortion should just be a discussion between a man and her doctor. No one else. Or, better still: I am a lesbian trapped inside a man’s body.

A new paperback is out titled: “Understanding Women”

Should be a best seller. If only you could lift it.

What goes around comes around…or mechanical Karma: Elon Musk’s Neuralink Says It’s Ready for Brain Surgery … The startup just unveiled its plan to implant paralyzed patients with electrodes that’ll let them work computers with their minds. Hands free. Just like his driverless cars. And the patients? Oh those poor sods who believed that Musk’s driverless cars were fool-proof. Well, they weren’t and these fools are proof of that.

See the source image

Update:

It’s sad and frustrating when half of the super chargers AT THE TESLA FACTORY aren’t working and the employee inside says the only thing we can do is call and report them. I’ve been waiting to talk to an actual person for <15 mins now.

Tesla’s self driving brain surgery community is all in a tizzy right now.

Yeah, especially when that asshole Tesla operator tells us to press one!!!

A premonition perhaps. In training:

                                                              The rowing machine on the Titanic

This has to make you cry: New York Post reports that at the beginning of the moon landing astronaut John Glenn wrote down those famous words as in…one small step for man…..Life is like a box of chocolates you know cause I is as stupid is as stupid does.

Love this:

 

https://youtu.be/ZcJjMnHoIBI

 

Have a great day and have a chocolate.

SJ…………………………….Out

Wednesday is “Hump Day”

From a previous post:

Yeah but it’s only Tuesday Shakeyjay. No matter. The world is going to end in 11 years so who cares.

With 15000 camels deported to Qatar from Saudi Arabia, “Hump Day” brings a whole new meaning to that country.

Friend of mine is going on an all exclusive vacation to Mexico. “High end accommodation, high end food, high end drinks” he told me. Should be fantastico.

And of course…high end Kaopectate!

Because you know those gastro intestinal critters are not discerning in the least – high end or low end it means the same thing. Puking at the high end and shitting through the eye of a needle at the low end.

“Have fun.” I told him. Then I thought: “Three grand and the only site he’ll see is that found at the bottom of his commode, aka, a high end toilet.

Who on earth would ever vacation anywhere south of San Diego? Butt there is a reason you know why those Mexico and California / Texas borders are so crowded with irregular aliens from Mexico and Central America.  All they really want is Keopectate.

They just want to be regular people is all!

I gotta go!

A very popular tune that could be heard at the border.

https://youtu.be/7SLxITAw8T0

SJ…Out

The Rest of the World

From an earlier post:

I see the Goracle has a new climate catastrophe documentary coming out called “The Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power” or something profound like that. This from a guy who had a net worth of about $1-2 M when he left office. He is now to become the first green Billionaire. That is a lot of hot aire.

If truth be told guys like the Goracle are becoming more and more like those “False Prophets” the Bible keeps warning us about. I’m not a religious person per se but I think the Bible has it right this time. False prophecies. After all, every one of the Goracle’s predictions have fallen flat…false, like my teeth. They look good on the surface but could fall out at any minute.

Remember, according to the UN and others, the earth is going to end in 2030 – unless we pony up trillions of dollars to the UN – right now. All of those tin pot dictators, which make up almost a 2 thirds of the UN membership are salivating right now. I think the Anti-Christ is in there somehow. The UN’s zip code has been changed to 666.

Sad day in Tillsonburg Ontario as Seimens closes plant that makes wind turbine blades. 300 lost jobs. Apparently not green enough. Well, they are silver in colour after all. Heard in passing. “Think I’m going to go really green and go back to mother earth and grow tobacco, or weed man.”

Bat population in Southern Ontario applauds announcement!

Young men prefer playing games to working…Duh?

California: Golden State is now a Basket Case. Environ-mental policies are destroying the place. Too bad. Goracle’s new documentary, starring Steven Hawkings, will probably premiere there in “Holly-woody in the Morning” or maybe on Venus, and I’ll bet dollars to gonads that he wins the Academy Award for best documentary at this year’s Oscars, the accompanying song wins for best song and he again wins the Nobel Peace prize. Any bets? Any takers here?

Further to my Beyoncé tidbit the other day. Holly-woody in the morning and the country’s Muzak business are all a flutter about Beyoncé’s announcement of the names that she and her hubby gave to their twins: “Rumi and Sir.” While the rest of the known world:

“DOESN’T GIVE TWO F..CKS”

Canada’s first ministers conference to discuss how they are going to standardize legal marijuana across the country. I don’t know about you but “BC Bud” is probably the standard already. Then again just reefer the issue to the Canadian Standards Association. If they can provide the standards for “Jerking Off” (I kid you not) then surely they can come up with a standard for getting high while doing this.

Premiers were all in a tizzy about this suggestion. Apparently not really high on their agenda though. Next up? The Opioid Crisis!

Again, I can’t make this stuff up………SJ out.

 

Peanuts

Hey. We Canadians are so smug. We are so much better than those dastardly Americans, or any other country in the world. Consider this:

The US invented Rock n Roll, the automobile, the airplane, the washing machine, the radio, the assembly line, refrigerator, garbage disposal, electric razor, instant camera, jukebox and television.

What did we invent?

Yes, peanut butter. That wonderful gooey concoction every Canadian youth grew up with.

And what did we do with this marvelous invention of ours? Well we banned it from every schoolyard, cafeteria in the country. If we really wanted to invent something we should have come up with an anti-dope to peanut allergies.

Oh yeah, we also invented the zipper. Now that was a great invention, especially to all of us males out there who no longer pissed ourselves when trying to undo those buttons when nature really called, as in RIGHT NOW!

Oh yes, we also invented canola:

See the source imageBeautiful isn’t it. As in Cheeze whiz:

See the source imageor Kraft Dinner

See the source imageKD for short, Canola is also just one molecule shy of being plastic. Canada’s upcoming single use plastic ban has me and many others like me stocking up like survivalists. My basement is going to be full of this stuff. Of course I will stock my garage with Canola Oil to service my car’s lubrication needs or to use it like axel grease when required.

Why are all of these things that are sooo very bad for us…yellow? Why? One of nature’s mysteries I digress.

Glowing in the dark: Oklahoma man allegedly driving stolen vehicle filled with uranium, a rattlesnake, and Kentucky Deluxe Whiskey. What a concoction. Apparently last we heard he was headed for Canada to get some of that radioactive Canola for dessert.

Talk about dumb and dumber: Ocasio-Cortez, that whacko US congresswoman announces a new bill in congress to make the US electoral college tuition-free.

I cannot make this stuff up…really.

Hundreds of blindfolded goats airdropped into Swiss mountain range. Their last words were heard to be Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Hey what’s going on anyway:

Have a great weekend………………..read ya Monday.

SJ…………….Out