Category: Weirdness and Craziness

You can’t make this up!

What’s a Billion Anyway?

Maldives: Going, going, gone in 46 days, according to the UN.

See, even these guys are getting out of “Dodge”

Trump sentenced to death by North Korea……..Trump is shaking in his boots over this one. Perhaps this really is a new self defence move he is practicing:

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Take that!

Image result for pics of weird handshakes in asia pacifi meetings\I don’t know what would be worse. To be sent to death by some NK stinkpot or have to wear this:

Another dire prediction comes out of Business Insider. We’re Fooked as a planet by…………you guessed it……………………..100 years from, now. So let’s start donating gazillion dollars to third world dictators run by the UN’s climate fund. Yup, even these guys are excited about it. Or are they just excited about their new washroom logo. Hey I have to take a “dump.” “Which way to the wo-or – mans washroom. I’ll keep the lid down after I go. I promise.” eeee gads.

Stick to business guys and stop trying to save the planet one stool at a time.

 

a group of people standing in front of a television

There is a God after all.

Robert Mugabe, 93, and the UN’s latest goodwill ambassador is apparently under house arrest in what appears to be a coup of some sorts in Mugabe’s Zimbabwe, His wife was seen fleeing to Namibia. “No story here” she touted. “Just going on a shopping spree. Tell my babe-we, my Muga-babe that I’ll be home for dinner. Now how many Ak 47’s did he want anyway?”

Soldiers take over ZBC – Zimbabwe’s state broadcaster. We here in Canada should be so lucky! Take note CBC!

Eatery in Chicago protested by cultural miss-appropriationists because it is not Mexican enough. No the owners are of Korean and Filipino descent, providing affordable meals starting at 7 bucks. Not good enough these SJWs commented. We want Mexican, Tacos, Nachos, Burritos. Black Olives Matter you know. Besides, they don’t provide free Keopectate to consumers after a meal, like the Mexican restaurants do.

“Can I have the Burrito Combo. You know a burrito and a Molotov Cocktail?” Someone SJW was heard to order. A dangerous combination!

Venezuela economic failure and humanitarian crisis. This is where the NDP’s Leap Manifesto and other radical left-wing policies want to take us:

Image result for pics of venezuela crisis

All in their delusional effort to save the planet from ourselves. Wow!

It appears Canada’s finance minister – More-Dough – gets teary eyed while watching the  Lindsay Lohan “Parent Trap” movie with his family. I had only one word to say when I heard that one……………….”We’re doomed.” Oops that’s two words, but who says I am wrong here with the new math. See Monday’s post. Perhaps 1 + 1 is 11!

Oh, this is a good one: Typical Liberal financial smoke and mirrors:

Result Anticipated: Balance the budget over the long-term and continue to reduce the debt-to-GDP ratio. Italics are mine:
As noted in the 2017 Fall Economic Statement, the fiscal framework does not forecast a balanced budget in 2019/20. Important fiscal investments were made to kick-start the economy, support the middle class and address the long-term challenges that were limiting Canada’s potential – tax, tax, tax. more-dough for those Liberal Twins More-dough and True-dough. Especially True dough’s home cabinet drawers.

Canada is now seeing the strongest economic growth in the G7 and increased consumer and business confidence. Yeah, Italy is a good role model. But mommy my 6 other friends at school have all jumped off the financial cliff, so why can’t I? As a result, the current fiscal track shows steady improvements in the Government’s budgetary position along with a continued decline in the federal debt-to-GDP ratio. But it’s still debt you morons………..The Government will maintain this downward deficit and debt ratio track – preserving Canada’s low-debt advantage for current and future generations. Oh you mean Generation Screwed!……………………………Geesh!

That’s just the Feds. Now this coming from a province near you:

The official balance sheets of provinces across the country mask billions of dollars in debt related to a series of megaproject follies being pursued by provincial governments and government-owned power utilities. While their debt doesn’t officially appear on provincial balance sheets, taxpayers will be left footing the bill when the electricity rates needed to pay them off become so economically crippling and politically unpalatable that they will require a bailout.

The province(s) will hide that debt from its own balance sheet through a series of accounting and regulatory maneuvers.

It’s called the “Smoke and Mirrors” economic policy. That Keynesian shyte didn’t work so we have all decided to adopt the Venezuela model” one financial minister was heard to say.

Do you know what one billion is?

  • A billion seconds ago it was 1959;
  • A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive;
  • A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age;
  • A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our governments spends it.

Now think about our debt to GDP ratio. That would probably take us back to the “Big Bang.” You know that shower of celestial natural gas shyte that exploded way back when and started all of this current shower of shyte that we are experiencing.

Canada has already given away about $3 Billion dollars to the UN’s climate change green fun…er fund. That equates to Jesus and two of his brothers or sisters.

Man, my head hurts

Show me the money (Zero Hedge)

30 million Americans who woke perfectly healthy yesterday morning are now suddenly in need of expensive hypertension treatments after the American Heart Association and the American College of Cardiology decided to lower the definition of “high blood pressure” to 130/80 from the previous trigger of 140/90.  According to Reuters, the change means that nearly 50% of American adults, or roughly 100 million people, now suffer from high blood pressure.

Colonoscopies are next!

 

Someone asked me once how can I come up with stuff everyday – well Monday to Friday anyway. This being the human condition it is very EASY. Daily news is the gift to me that just keeps on giving.

Don’t worry, be happy.

 

This from our fake news file, comes this from 1966. The Kinks were so far ahead of their times:

 

 

SJ……………………………………………………………………Out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

From the Headlines

Image result for pics of maldives beaches                                                Maldives will last to Infinity

Can’t make this stuff up. Taken from today’s headlines:

  • Meghan Markle leaving suits? I didn’t know she wore one. BTW, who the F%$K is Meghan Markle;
  • No Man’s Land. An Island where women rule. Can I move there?;
  • From the classy sports role model file: Ex CFL’er charged with murder. Must have played for the Argooooooos;
  • Brits all in a tizzy because Prince Harry dared to sport a…wait for it….beard during the Remembrance Day ceremony. Y’know, with all the crap going on in the UK with terrorists etc. you would think that the Brits would have something better to do than bitch about this. Hey, just think of all those face follicle challenged male Muslims out there. C’mon;
  • Rare disease turns man to stone. Not funny says Stone Cold Steve Austin;
  • Trudeau concerned about human rights…………………………….SO?? Bahhahahahahahahahahahahahahah;
  • COP 23 tents in Bonn heated by…………………………………….Diesel Generators;
  • Are Rehab Addict Star’s personal problems hurting the show? We don’t know but when asked they couldn’t find her as she was reported to be in rehab!;
  • Pre-historic Georgian Jars hold clue to 8,000 year old wine. Yup, its vinegar all right, laced with water. That and Cheerios are said to have been a deadly combination that killed the Swiss Neanderthal guy on the glacier;
  • What’s it like growing up with 5 mothers……………………..Oedipus hell!;
  • Man donates liver to woman. She gives it back. Her last words were heard to be: “I hate liver, especially with onions;”
  • Scratching you ass and wiggling your balls is a sign of Alzheimer’s. One can’t tell the front from the back or so they say;
  • Actress has a message for misogynist sexists………………………..call me!;
  • People with a history of “self-mutilation,” bipolar disorder, depression and drug and alcohol abuse can now seek waivers to join the Army…Great, there’s no life like it, like it, like it, like it. No, yes! NO, YES!. On another note:
  • Judge Blocks Trump’s Ban on Transgender Troops in Military; Just what we need. There is no life like it…thank gawd for that!;
  • Tesla battery production releases as much CO2 as 8 years of driving  petro fuelled car. As usual the lefties have their heads in the sand;
  • NYT op-ed, from the identity politics file: “Can my children play with white kids.” Yes Virginia because children are colour blind!;
  • Heard in passing: “Hey, I need help. I’m a white Caucasian Canadian trapped inside a Filipino’s body!. Yeah, and I feel like a ham on cheese sandwich…right now! (thanks to Maggie’s Farm)…………Geesh;
  • Oh the horror of it all: two black men elected to public office in Connecticut…as Republicans!;

Where are his hands?

He has a smile on his face. Same with Hilarious.

  • US should adopt the Canadian model for free health care….no, don’t even think about it as it sucks. My son waited 9 months for a varicose vein operation, even after having been told he was at the top of the priority list for the operation. Canadians remain delusional to think that their health care system is the best in the world. BTW, I pay $250 per month in health care premiums for a service that only covers non elective treatment. “Yeah but it is universal” some stupid Canadian was heard to say. “Yes, universally bad. It is the shits for everyone!”
  • University students want “napping stations.” Say no more. Do they want a blankie as well?;
  • Canada is going to change some of the lyrics to their two most famous national anthems: true-dope strong and free as well as the Cannabis Leaf Forever!”

 

Can’t make this stuff up.

 

SJ……………………………………………………..Out

 

 

Monster Mash

Maldives?? Over and out of here until Nov 12th….Can’t wait.

 

Tunnel Collapses at North Korean nuclear blast site. Kim Flung Poos reaction:

Launch? I said lunch - Launch? I said lunch Hungry Kim Jong UnHaving a blast over this latest mishap:

Image result for pics of kim un        Let Slim show ya!     

You’re supposed to be going the other way. No wonder your tests are so screwed up.

Holly’s Woody in the Morning’s House of Cards collapsing all around them. Weinstein, now Spacey, who’s next. “Sex in the City?” Everyone’s coming out of their closets now………………..Yeah I says.

The fun loving Trump Family in costume to greet kids on the front lawn of the White House.

Image result for pics of funny trump family

Whoever dressed as the Pope nailed it. Same with the Pope’s mother. Who’s the dude in that family portrait?

Another scary leader:

Image result for funny Pics of Trudeau costumes\And his stoner family:

Image result for pics of the trailer park boys

 

Lesbians everywhere…..Unite:

A feminist professor at Occidental College recently argued that men must renounce their masculinity and “denounce anyone who chooses to identify with it.” Calling masculinity a “dangerous idea,” Wade argues that, “The problem is not toxic masculinity; it’s that masculinity is toxic,” adding that masculinity is “simply not compatible with liberty and justice for all.” Wade concludes her essay by urging people to “call masculinity out as a hazardous ideology and denounce anyone who chooses to identify with it,” saying that doing so is crucial for “gender revolution.”

Yeah, and reducing the gene pool. Another candidate for a Darwin Award I would hazard to guess.

From the “This is Madness” file comes this:

British ISIS jihadis returning from Syria ‘to be offered tax-payer funded council homes and counselling to stop them attacking the UK’

The plans – code-named Operation Constrain – could see returning ISIS fanatics jump to the top of council house waiting lists and offered counselling.

Yeah, that’ll work. Turns out that the Trudeau Liberal Government’s policy in handing out millions of dollars to potentially questionable dudes was used as a model for this initiative. We’ll have to wait and see how this turns out. Turns out that the city of London is now twinned with Sacramento, Capital of the Moonbat State.

Happy Halloween everyone:

Enjoy! A Canadian Hoser’s Halloween night.

SJ……………………………Out

Grammar Lesson

Recently in the BC legislature, the INSOMNIA CURE — Green Party Leader Andrew Weaver blasted the NDP government in the house recently for “shocking, reckless indifference” — to the rules of grammar.

Debating a “minor corrections” bill that makes exactly what the title implies to a host of bills, he found one that correctly changes “whom” to “who.” But later on, in the Farm Practices Protection Act, a glaringly offensive “whom” was left untouched.

“Shame on the government for missing this,” he joked.

This exchange was heard in passing:

“Who?” Attorney General David Eby dove right into this.

“Of whom do you speak? No not whom, who you idiot. Don’t you know the difference? Who is a subject, whom is the object.”

“You are being objectionable.”

“Who? Me?” Eby retorted. “Listen the further and further you go down this rabbit hole the worse it will get.”

“Oh yeah, for who? For you or for him. Whom?”

“No you idiot you can’t say farther. You have to say further.”

“Says who?”

“No,no, no, not who, you have to say whom. Merriam says so”

“Whose Merriam?”

“No, no, no, its who’s Merriam”

“Yeah, just what I said: whose Merriam”

“And besides you can’t write its like that. Its should be it’s if thats what your saying?”

“You’re, not your.”

“What?” say Eby

“And besides you can’t say further down the rabbit hole. You have to say farther. Farther denotes distance, real distance. Further is metaphorical don’t you know. It is better to say farther in this case then further?”

“Says whom.”

“Says Webster.”

“Whose Webster?

“Who is Webster. Or who’s Webster. Not whose. Its better then that.”

“Then who. You can’t say then. You have to say than, comparatively speaking youse doorknob.”

“Whose calling me a doorknob. Who do you speak of.”

“Eee gads. Its wrong I tell you, its wrong.”

“Its or it’s. Than versus then. Further vs farther, who vs whom, who’s vs whose. Im going nuts.”

“I’m going nuts. Not Im going nuts, you hoser.”

“Whose calling me hoser.”

Gadszooks!

All of this while debating whose’s bill.

“Whose Bill? No bill you idiot. Shouldn’t that be who’s bill.”

“No you idiot. Bill Whoose. The Minister of Edumacation.”

 

All of the above reminds me just how difficult the English language can be, especially to someone learning it. Consider this:

Take the word “nit.” The Concise Oxford English Dictionary defines “nit” as a stupid person, a louse. Then add the letter “k” before the “n” and you have “knit.” Yet the word “nit” from the word “knit” is a whole different kettle of fish. And what is that anyway: a kettle of fish?

Now, let’s take the word “wit:” defined as someone with a sharp sense of humour, a player of words perhaps. As in “that man possesses wit. He has a sharp mind.” But then add the letter “t” before the “w” and you have “twit.” Or, combine the word “nit” with the word “wit” and you have a “nitwit.” But “nit” and “twit” together does not sound quite right – “nit-twit?”

Nonetheless, given that a “nit” is already defined as a stupid person, and “wit” is someone who has a sharp mind, then “nitwit” defiles all logic in a descriptive sense except perhaps to define someone who possesses a stupid “wit” – which in itself is oxymoronic. But “dimwit” already has that locked up. Yet what is really frustrating about the undercurrent of this word is that “dimwit” is the opposite of someone who has a sharp “wit.” So, that being the case, let’s call him or her a “blunt-sharp” person!

To make matters worse a “twit” could be someone who has a sharp “wit,” and is still a “nitwit” or a “dimwit.” So why can’t we call him or her a nit-twit? Or a “dim-twit”? The bottom line is that “nitwit” or “dimwit” sounds better. The other bottom line is that English words are just downright confusing without context and a shared understanding of the contextual environment we are communicating in.

Says who?

 

English grammar class is over for the day.

 

 

SJ……………..Out………………….Happy Mondaze to all youse people out there.

Lost at Sea

Maldives? Forget about it, them, those islands and islets. They’re toast.

Just received this from a friend of mine in Ottawa:

http://prospect.emmatoro.com

It’s about a pill that will change everything. Stephen Hawkings says so. So what will happen if I take this?” someone said. “Well, if you follow the regimen then you too can look just like Stephen Hawkings.”

A famous TV personality was heard to say: “Take this pill for 14 days and you too can become a homosexual.” Even Holly’s Woody in the Morning People are in one this brain enhancing phenom. “Hey look what its done to old Weinstein.”

One review written: “We are very grateful to have this now,. I believe this breakthrough will take us to the next level in our evil-utionary conundrum.” Oh you mean like this:

And after taking this pill for over a month the following side effects were examined. I mean after all this pill will allow us to use total brain power and not just the paltry 10% that we are viewed to be using now:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LZCXiUkq-Q

All you millennials? Get this pill now and take it……..pah-leeze.

No, but this guy sure is!

Another one bites the dust. Soon, there will be no decent ones left:

Fats! R.I.P

 

Instead of flogging stuff like the brain teasing pill above there is another get rich scheme that Canadians should think about. Go to Syria or some other tin pot shit hole country, stay for a few months, return home, say you were tortured, take the Canadian govt to court and viola: ten million bucks coming your way. Only in Canada you say……………..shitty! Gawd! I can’t believe this country of ours with our leaderless leaders. Imagine these guys being in charge during the First or Second World War. We’d all be speaking Japanese and wearing Lederhosen!

Hey Trudeau, how about the families of the two Canadians murdered by Philippine terrorists? Or Khadr’s victims: the Sheer family? Don’t they deserve $10M as well?

 

 

Two new “Darwin Award” Candidates (Italics mine)

A planned voyage from Hawaii to Tahiti aboard a small sailboat didn’t start off well for two Honolulu women. One of their cellphones washed overboard and sank into the deep blue water on their first day at sea. Cellphones in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Are you gals daft?

The women, architect Jennifer Appel and her friend Tasha Fuiava, both of Honolulu, set sail on May 3, but lost their engine in bad weather four weeks later. They believed they could still reach Tahiti using their sails. Yes that’s what sailboats are for ladies – sailing – at about 5 or 6 knots per hour if you’re lucky! BTW, do not give up your days jobs.

What was meant to be a month-long trip stretched into 176 days, and took them roughly 8,000 kilometres off course. Oh you mean they ended up near the Mariana Archipelago?

Take a look at this chart. A chart is like a map at sea ladies. Marianas is about 1200 nm south of Japan. Hawaii is about centre right and Tahiti is in the South Central Pacific.

Image result for map of pacific ocean

I mean c’mon now. Heading west when you should have been heading south. Didn’t the sun sets give you a clue? Being almost dead ahead of your track instead of being off your starboard side. Or the sun rise. Ever heard of a sextant? Celestial Navigation? Dead Reckoning. GPS perhaps? I do hope you don’t design buildings or houses like you handle seamanship. Or perhaps this is one of your designs – for our Canadian Prime Minister:

Image result for Pics of igloos

Or this:

Image result for pics of poorly designed houses

“Whatever I do I just keep getting disorientated.” The architect was heard to say.

Have a great weekend.

 

SJ………………………………..Out