Category: Weirdness and Craziness

You can’t make this up!

Monster Mash

Maldives?? Over and out of here until Nov 12th….Can’t wait.

 

Tunnel Collapses at North Korean nuclear blast site. Kim Flung Poos reaction:

Launch? I said lunch - Launch? I said lunch Hungry Kim Jong UnHaving a blast over this latest mishap:

Image result for pics of kim un        Let Slim show ya!     

You’re supposed to be going the other way. No wonder your tests are so screwed up.

Holly’s Woody in the Morning’s House of Cards collapsing all around them. Weinstein, now Spacey, who’s next. “Sex in the City?” Everyone’s coming out of their closets now………………..Yeah I says.

The fun loving Trump Family in costume to greet kids on the front lawn of the White House.

Image result for pics of funny trump family

Whoever dressed as the Pope nailed it. Same with the Pope’s mother. Who’s the dude in that family portrait?

Another scary leader:

Image result for funny Pics of Trudeau costumes\And his stoner family:

Image result for pics of the trailer park boys

 

Lesbians everywhere…..Unite:

A feminist professor at Occidental College recently argued that men must renounce their masculinity and “denounce anyone who chooses to identify with it.” Calling masculinity a “dangerous idea,” Wade argues that, “The problem is not toxic masculinity; it’s that masculinity is toxic,” adding that masculinity is “simply not compatible with liberty and justice for all.” Wade concludes her essay by urging people to “call masculinity out as a hazardous ideology and denounce anyone who chooses to identify with it,” saying that doing so is crucial for “gender revolution.”

Yeah, and reducing the gene pool. Another candidate for a Darwin Award I would hazard to guess.

From the “This is Madness” file comes this:

British ISIS jihadis returning from Syria ‘to be offered tax-payer funded council homes and counselling to stop them attacking the UK’

The plans – code-named Operation Constrain – could see returning ISIS fanatics jump to the top of council house waiting lists and offered counselling.

Yeah, that’ll work. Turns out that the Trudeau Liberal Government’s policy in handing out millions of dollars to potentially questionable dudes was used as a model for this initiative. We’ll have to wait and see how this turns out. Turns out that the city of London is now twinned with Sacramento, Capital of the Moonbat State.

Happy Halloween everyone:

Enjoy! A Canadian Hoser’s Halloween night.

SJ……………………………Out

Grammar Lesson

Recently in the BC legislature, the INSOMNIA CURE — Green Party Leader Andrew Weaver blasted the NDP government in the house recently for “shocking, reckless indifference” — to the rules of grammar.

Debating a “minor corrections” bill that makes exactly what the title implies to a host of bills, he found one that correctly changes “whom” to “who.” But later on, in the Farm Practices Protection Act, a glaringly offensive “whom” was left untouched.

“Shame on the government for missing this,” he joked.

This exchange was heard in passing:

“Who?” Attorney General David Eby dove right into this.

“Of whom do you speak? No not whom, who you idiot. Don’t you know the difference? Who is a subject, whom is the object.”

“You are being objectionable.”

“Who? Me?” Eby retorted. “Listen the further and further you go down this rabbit hole the worse it will get.”

“Oh yeah, for who? For you or for him. Whom?”

“No you idiot you can’t say farther. You have to say further.”

“Says who?”

“No,no, no, not who, you have to say whom. Merriam says so”

“Whose Merriam?”

“No, no, no, its who’s Merriam”

“Yeah, just what I said: whose Merriam”

“And besides you can’t write its like that. Its should be it’s if thats what your saying?”

“You’re, not your.”

“What?” say Eby

“And besides you can’t say further down the rabbit hole. You have to say farther. Farther denotes distance, real distance. Further is metaphorical don’t you know. It is better to say farther in this case then further?”

“Says whom.”

“Says Webster.”

“Whose Webster?

“Who is Webster. Or who’s Webster. Not whose. Its better then that.”

“Then who. You can’t say then. You have to say than, comparatively speaking youse doorknob.”

“Whose calling me a doorknob. Who do you speak of.”

“Eee gads. Its wrong I tell you, its wrong.”

“Its or it’s. Than versus then. Further vs farther, who vs whom, who’s vs whose. Im going nuts.”

“I’m going nuts. Not Im going nuts, you hoser.”

“Whose calling me hoser.”

Gadszooks!

All of this while debating whose’s bill.

“Whose Bill? No bill you idiot. Shouldn’t that be who’s bill.”

“No you idiot. Bill Whoose. The Minister of Edumacation.”

 

All of the above reminds me just how difficult the English language can be, especially to someone learning it. Consider this:

Take the word “nit.” The Concise Oxford English Dictionary defines “nit” as a stupid person, a louse. Then add the letter “k” before the “n” and you have “knit.” Yet the word “nit” from the word “knit” is a whole different kettle of fish. And what is that anyway: a kettle of fish?

Now, let’s take the word “wit:” defined as someone with a sharp sense of humour, a player of words perhaps. As in “that man possesses wit. He has a sharp mind.” But then add the letter “t” before the “w” and you have “twit.” Or, combine the word “nit” with the word “wit” and you have a “nitwit.” But “nit” and “twit” together does not sound quite right – “nit-twit?”

Nonetheless, given that a “nit” is already defined as a stupid person, and “wit” is someone who has a sharp mind, then “nitwit” defiles all logic in a descriptive sense except perhaps to define someone who possesses a stupid “wit” – which in itself is oxymoronic. But “dimwit” already has that locked up. Yet what is really frustrating about the undercurrent of this word is that “dimwit” is the opposite of someone who has a sharp “wit.” So, that being the case, let’s call him or her a “blunt-sharp” person!

To make matters worse a “twit” could be someone who has a sharp “wit,” and is still a “nitwit” or a “dimwit.” So why can’t we call him or her a nit-twit? Or a “dim-twit”? The bottom line is that “nitwit” or “dimwit” sounds better. The other bottom line is that English words are just downright confusing without context and a shared understanding of the contextual environment we are communicating in.

Says who?

 

English grammar class is over for the day.

 

 

SJ……………..Out………………….Happy Mondaze to all youse people out there.

Lost at Sea

Maldives? Forget about it, them, those islands and islets. They’re toast.

Just received this from a friend of mine in Ottawa:

http://prospect.emmatoro.com

It’s about a pill that will change everything. Stephen Hawkings says so. So what will happen if I take this?” someone said. “Well, if you follow the regimen then you too can look just like Stephen Hawkings.”

A famous TV personality was heard to say: “Take this pill for 14 days and you too can become a homosexual.” Even Holly’s Woody in the Morning People are in one this brain enhancing phenom. “Hey look what its done to old Weinstein.”

One review written: “We are very grateful to have this now,. I believe this breakthrough will take us to the next level in our evil-utionary conundrum.” Oh you mean like this:

And after taking this pill for over a month the following side effects were examined. I mean after all this pill will allow us to use total brain power and not just the paltry 10% that we are viewed to be using now:

All you millennials? Get this pill now and take it……..pah-leeze.

No, but this guy sure is!

Another one bites the dust. Soon, there will be no decent ones left:

Fats! R.I.P

 

Instead of flogging stuff like the brain teasing pill above there is another get rich scheme that Canadians should think about. Go to Syria or some other tin pot shit hole country, stay for a few months, return home, say you were tortured, take the Canadian govt to court and viola: ten million bucks coming your way. Only in Canada you say……………..shitty! Gawd! I can’t believe this country of ours with our leaderless leaders. Imagine these guys being in charge during the First or Second World War. We’d all be speaking Japanese and wearing Lederhosen!

Hey Trudeau, how about the families of the two Canadians murdered by Philippine terrorists? Or Khadr’s victims: the Sheer family? Don’t they deserve $10M as well?

 

 

Two new “Darwin Award” Candidates (Italics mine)

A planned voyage from Hawaii to Tahiti aboard a small sailboat didn’t start off well for two Honolulu women. One of their cellphones washed overboard and sank into the deep blue water on their first day at sea. Cellphones in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Are you gals daft?

The women, architect Jennifer Appel and her friend Tasha Fuiava, both of Honolulu, set sail on May 3, but lost their engine in bad weather four weeks later. They believed they could still reach Tahiti using their sails. Yes that’s what sailboats are for ladies – sailing – at about 5 or 6 knots per hour if you’re lucky! BTW, do not give up your days jobs.

What was meant to be a month-long trip stretched into 176 days, and took them roughly 8,000 kilometres off course. Oh you mean they ended up near the Mariana Archipelago?

Take a look at this chart. A chart is like a map at sea ladies. Marianas is about 1200 nm south of Japan. Hawaii is about centre right and Tahiti is in the South Central Pacific.

Image result for map of pacific ocean

I mean c’mon now. Heading west when you should have been heading south. Didn’t the sun sets give you a clue? Being almost dead ahead of your track instead of being off your starboard side. Or the sun rise. Ever heard of a sextant? Celestial Navigation? Dead Reckoning. GPS perhaps? I do hope you don’t design buildings or houses like you handle seamanship. Or perhaps this is one of your designs – for our Canadian Prime Minister:

Image result for Pics of igloos

Or this:

Image result for pics of poorly designed houses

“Whatever I do I just keep getting disorientated.” The architect was heard to say.

Have a great weekend.

 

SJ………………………………..Out

 

 

 

 

Barista, Weed and Other Things

Maldives? Well, what can be said. 67 more days:

Image result for madivesAll the seafood one could want.

Slide 1 of 11: <p>The epitome of elegance, the British royal family lives a life of opulence a commoner can barely fathom. Whether they were born in the spotlight or married into it, the well-heeled Brits have captivated the world for as long as anyone can remember.</p><p>The Mountbatten-Windsor clan resides in palaces, has personal staffers at their beck and call and regularly jets off to exotic locales. But in many ways, they’re just like regular people. They have bills, like to decorate for the holidays and like to dine out every so often. Take a look at how they spend their money, and <a href="https://www.gobankingrates.com/net-worth/rich-queen-elizabeth-rest-british-royal-family/">get a glimpse of the elite family’s financial state</a>.</p>“That was a good one Kate. Next time stay downwind of us will ya. Keep smiling or I’ll have to puke!”

Majority of Torontonians are now considered visible minorities. I am a Caucasian who grew up in Toronto and I now consider myself a visible minority. But why the visible label? Why not invisible. If you are a minority then no one can really see you if you are mixed up with a majority. But if you are part of a majority then how can you be labelled a minority. Huh? Huh?, Eh? Eh? The majority rules so they say and if you are the majority then you are visible, as the majority rules, not invisible like me, who is part of the invisible minority cause no one can see a white dude anymore, what with our white privilege etc, etc, etc. Only in Toronto you say. Thank F*&K for that. Lesson here? Stay well clear of big cities.

Well this is great:  A top UK official told the BBC last week that ISIS terrorists from the UK returning from Syria and Iraq will not be prosecuted. Instead, the government will try to reintegrate them back into society because they were “naive” when they joined the genocidal terrorist group. Yeah, let’s have a parade:

Image result for pics of isis “What’s the problem here guys? One was heard to say. “We are only getting ourselves ready for Guy Fawkes Day. By the way can someone tell us how to get to Whitehall?

Trump Derangement Syndrome: Anguished Liberals plan shout-out on the anniversary of Trump’s election. Yeah, we would much rather have these guys in charge. See, even the guy in the green sweater thinks this is funny.

Oh millennials hate being labelled as such. Too effin bad. Gov’t paid a firm $54K to find this out. Man of man, or woman, or zey, zir, zits or zat is too effin bad. This from a dude, me, who has borne the Baby Boomer label all of his life. Here’s the chart produced by Gov’t as only a Gov’t can do.

 

 

 

 

Hey, as a boomer I can relate to the couch but where’s the pic of the basement in all of this. “Want to be heard as we hate to listen. We’re socially responsible as long as we can get our weed cheap and legally. We want to participate – ANTIFA, BLM, SJW comes to mind and of course we all have Pride in all that we do. Yeah we’re tech natives and cry babies. We have the entrepreneurial spirit as long as we don’t have to listen to anybody, and we want experiences that take ourselves outside of our comfort zone – and that doesn’t mean taking the trash out. LISTEN TO US. It’s all about me, me, me, me, and more me.”

Oxymoron of the week: “Canadian Correctional Services.” The Grand Valley federal prison for women received its first male inmate last week, a 54-year-old man who is still a fully functional male who hasn’t yet undergone re-assignment surgery. Only in Canada. Get this: “She hadn’t violated any parole conditions, but began to “present as emotionally volatile,” a “behavioural deterioration which seems to have coincided with the start of hormone therapy,” CSC documents suggest, as only a government paid shrink could assess. Wonderful zey all agreed.

I can only cry file. Which industry creates the most wealth and reduces poverty in Canada? The resource sector! For those not familiar with this term resources equate to oil and gas exploration and extraction, lumber, mining, fishing etc – all activities that the NDP, Green and now Liberals want to discredit and eliminate from our national lexicon. Their solution. Baristas on every street corner and cheap weed. Keep the populace stoned all the time and they will be happy. But in all of this and by adopting the new math – something that I have shown many times on this blog – they have forgotten this simple equation:

Strong economy = good paying jobs = more taxes = more government revenue = more social services = higher standard of living = happy wife = happy life. Take any of those elements out and you have??????? ……. “The Maritime Provinces in Canada!”

In Toronto: Trick or Treat equates to dental floss, apples and free passes to the library. I hear that the sale of eggs to young people has increased ten fold in this progressive city in the days leading up to Halloween.

Darwin Award candidate of the year: “It’s been over a week since we learned the plight of Canadian Joshua Boyle and his American wife, Caitlin Coleman, allegedly kidnapped by the Taliban while enjoying a backpacking trip to Afghanistan. Why wouldn’t Boyle want to take his very pregnant wife backpacking in one of the most up-side down, gunned-up regimes in the world? What could possibly go wrong? 5 years as a hostage, that’s what (Rebel).

Image result for pics of boyle family taken hostage by taliban

Afghanistan National Park, welcoming committee.

Image result for pics of boyle family taken hostage by talibanHeard in pissing that they’re going to settle in Bountiful British Columbia. With that beard he will be a shoe-in. Not sure about her though. Poor kids – not shown here.

 

That’s all she wrote.

 

 

SJ………………………….out.

Grannie was a Trannie!

Can’t wait! Only 73 more sleeps and the Maldives will be the biggest reef on the planet – so says the UN. See, these Maldivians are really, really worried. Get out now, while you still can.

Before Hugh Hefner’s body can even get cold, Playboy has its first transgendered person on its cover, or undercover. Geesh. I guess they couldn’t wait for Hugh’s demise to undercover this one. I am sure every  hot-blooded male is salivating. Will young bucks everywhere still be hiding this mag under their sheets. Should be called Playboy or Playgirl or Playzir, Playzey or Playzits or Play Doctor or Play He-man Nurse or Play abcdefghijklimnopqrstuvwx and y and z chromosome.  Perhaps Playdope. Love this post:

“So Playboy’s first tranny does all these circus level contortions to hide it’s junk and man hands. It isn’t natural to men to try and pose in such ways. Women have some sort of animal ability to control their body and pivot their body parts in a sensual way. Trannies don’t have this ability which is why they look like they have a hernia or a broken back in photos such as the example of the Playboy clunker. What’s next? Grannies I heard.

It’s all just tricks as they want you to focus on a heavily Photoshopd face and long hair to make you even think for a split second that you are not looking at a freakazoid.”  So true, at least that is what I have heard. Honest!    Geesh!

And this: “North Carolina’s Dem. Gov. Calls For Judge To Allow Men In Women’s Bathroom.” Geesh. What is all the fuss about. When you have to go really, really bad the brain doesn’t give two shits about the stool one has to play with to take a load off.. Is the lid up or down? Who gives a crap. X or Y be damned. I have to go and I am going here….NOW!

Turd-ope’s new tax laws for small businesses? bah hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah. That’s a good one. Seems that the new tax grab will end up costing the government more money as they decide to lessen the load on small businesses to 9%, which means they have to give back more money than they had hoped to take in….bah hahahahahahahahahahahahah. This means that the average guy and gal, us, those middle class wankers will be screwed yet again because it is our money that the government has to use to give these guys a break. Liberal tax plan is all smoke and mirrors. hahahahahahahahahahahahah. Next up? Liberalizing weed which is code again to shaft the middle class. Being stoned all the time it is hoped that the general public will not know or care that they are being shafted. See, I told you this new math was for real. All governments are adopting it:

The 3,700-year-old Babylonian tablet Plimpton 322 at the Rare Book and Manuscript Library at Columbia University in New York.Liberal tax plan is based on the discovery of the new math: 1 + 1 = 3!

 

The Hunt for the Brain-Eating Amoebas of Yellowstone…where is Yogi Bear when you need him!

From the I failed Geography in school file comes this nugget: “Germany will not go the nuclear route for clean power in fear of Tsunami’s wiping them out” Give your head a shake Merkel!

Legalizing Marijuana. This just in from Colorado: “In 2012, we were promised funds from marijuana taxes would benefit our communities, particularly schools. Dr. Harry Bull, the Superintendent of Cherry Creek Schools, one of the largest school districts in the state, said, “So far, the only thing that the legalization of marijuana has brought to our schools has been marijuana.”  Yes but student enrollment is way down therefore the education cost per student had decreased substantially. “This is a win, win situation for our school board’s bottom lines.” One official snorted, then coughed, his eye balls ablaze. But on the positive side sales of Doritos in our school’s cafeterias have skyrocketed

Boy Scouts checking out girls by allowing girls to be Boy Scouts. Yeah, that’ll work! Heard in passing that the boys can’t wait for the next sleepover!

Bernie Sanders Economic Plan: “Sure, you’ll all pay more taxes…but you’ll get more free stuff. It’s all boils down to the collective, don’t you know!”

 

Crazy days.

 

 

SJ…………………..Out…………..have a great weekend.

 

PS: daylight is getting shorter here in Mill Bay, which means that I wake up later so my posts will be coming on-line later in the mornings.