Category: Weirdness and Craziness

You can’t make this up!

Holy Grope

Maldives Redux:

Image result for pics of maldives

Pretty heavy island. Aren’t you guys worried your island may sink? Never mind rising sea levels.

Appears that one of Meghan Markle’s ancestors was beheaded by King Henry VIII. Don’t worry Meghan. I don’t think Prince Harry’s family holds a grudge. The queen is probably amused by it all.

US President Donald Trump’s pullout from the Paris Agreement will push up global temperatures nearly half a degree Celsius (0.9 degrees Fahrenheit) by 2100, according to a report released Wednesday at UN climate talks in Bonn. Wow, that is a lot of hot air and natural gas on Donald’s part don’t ya think.

Image result for pics of hot gasesAccording to the UN: Trump’s ass in 2100!

Venezuela basket case? Country blames Donald Trump for its woes. Man this guy is amazing in what he can do. Seems that Trump is now to blame for World Wars I and II. And Korea and Vietnam as well. Amazing.

Oh, and they, the UN, forgot to provide empirical, scientific, rock solid proof that the current warm period is mostly/solely caused by Mankind, but, then, they are cultists, and do not need proof to Believe. Nor do they feel a need to practice what they preach. No, they have Trump! That is all they need. never mind this phenom:

Image result for pics of hot gases

Manson Dead! There is a God. Wonder how he’s enjoying meeting Lucy thus far. Now, if only Mugabe would go out peacefully. Somehow I doubt that.

All in the name of peace: “Greenpeace threatens to call police on The Rebel for filming them during the Bonn climate conference. Say no more.

Democrats election logo for 2020…………………… “Holy Grope.”

Second woman accuses Franken of groping her. “What’s the big deal.” someone was heard to say. “That’s what democrats do.”

Thanks to Maggie’s Farm for this:

In light of the frequency of human and grizzly bear encounters, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field. They advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears.

They also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur.

Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper.

Image result for pics of grizzlies and humansAnd this is why the Darwin Award was established.

Slow news day. Everyone is recovering from the Bonn climate change hangover. You too can look like this after attending one of these conferences:

Image result for pics of parties at climate change conference

Happy Monday

 

SJ……………………………………….Out

Spaghetti for Brains

Maldives. This street has had its name changed to Canal Street in time for the main event scheduled 01 January 2018:

Cinnamon Dhonveli Maldives
“Can’t wait” one resident was heard to say. “Won’t have to drive cars anymore. We’ll be saving the planet one island at a time.”
Meanwhile, over at Bonn Germany, during the newly appointed feast-day known as COP 23, Canada again has the largest turnout of climate Barbies and Ken delegates of any nation. That’s because we love living off the governments teat, one Canadian delegate said. And as a nation we’re sooo smug. “Car-bon….Car-bon…Car-bon…Car-bon.” …and screwed. But they had to change that chant very quickly when someone pointed out to them that their chant really meant: Cars? Good…Cars? Good. when translated from their Quebec French dialect also know as: “What’s that you say language. Tabernac?” Jean Pierre from Chicoutimi snorted.
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Yeah, I know. Canada’s stupidity is so sad that one has to laugh. Hey did you see the Turd’s new socks? And you have one week to get that hand off my knee!
Slide 1 of 8: <p>Aging can seem like a scary prospect, but scientists have found a number of traits and skills don't peak until people hit their 50th birthday.</p><p> It's in the back nine of life, for instance, that people have the best body images and can best pick up on others' emotions.</p><p> In case you're worried the prime of your life is rushing past you, here is some evidence the best is still yet to come.</p>
From True-Dope Mandate Letter Tracker. Mandate letter number one:
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Screw the Middle Class: Reference: New Smoke and Mirrors Policy – Result achieved. They, the middle class – us – are really, really screwed and the Finance Minister is happy because he has More-Dough in True-Dough’s pockets.
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Heard in passing by our expert climate guys and gals: “CO2 is a pollutant that must be addressed.” Of course in 100 years from now the planet will be inhospitable. 100 years from now.” I say that with these guys and gals in charge it is inhospitable now! No, CO2 it is not a pollutant. It is a natural component of the earth’s atmosphere. We all exhale CO2 with every breath we take. CO2 is what makes our planet livable – that is why our climate delegation is a huge fraud.
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“Say what? What did you say Dirty, or ask? Oh, what do I think of Canada’s foreign policy?”
Image result for pics of trudeau at the asian pacific conference
“Well, it’s all foreign to me Dirty.” His answer to the Filipino President. And then there’s this:
And what about you and the Trudeau name? Old stock? and I don’t mean the beer. Are we screwed as a nation or what? By the way by old stock White Canadians he means me and you. Canadians wake up. And he applauded our Governor General’s recent public remarks when she castigated all Canadians who had faith-based beliefs and values. “God? C’mon now! Be rational here folks.” This is an attack on our values. Of course Indigenous Peoples are excluded here because as we know they have lots of spirits!
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News of the world. I can’t make this stuff up:
  • It was his “tongue in cheek” that did it. Gene Simmons banned forever from Fox News Channels.
  • Successful people never say these two phrases: “Go F%$K yourself” or “Piss Off.” like the rest of us say all the time. No, we may not be successful but we sure as hell feel good about ourselves. Remember, one cannot say “Cheerio” anymore when saying goodbye because of the evil connotations to that breakfast cereal.
  • BC’s economic policy. “The Barista Joint Policy.”  “We were just starting to turn the tide on that opposition to everything. For the first time, since white contact, we were ready to take our place in B.C. and Canada. Instead, B.C. is not going to exist pretty soon in terms of investment. That is how worried I am.” in response to the NDP / Green coal-a-listen that wants to stop all resource development in BC….we’re screwed, no we’re doomed.
  • More out of the closet groping. This time Al Franken. See Gene Simmons’ comment above
  • World’s first human head transplant a success, controversial scientist claims. The world’s first human head transplant has been carried out on a corpse in China in an 18-hour operation that showed it was possible to successfully reconnect the spine, nerves and blood vessels.  Success? Yeah, but he / she is still dead. “Don’t bother me with the small stuff” the Italian surgeon was heard to say as he was slurping his spaghetti. “We’re well ahead of the game here” he added. The operation was carried out by a team led by Dr Xiaoping Ren, who last year successfully grafted a head onto the body of a monkey.  Clockwork Orange anyone?  Leave well enough alone.

Image result for pics of a clockwork orange

  • Lesson here? Stay well clear of an Italian medical clinic! And, I’ll never eat Chinese food again. Oops that’s two lessons learned. Then again the new math rocks! I am right, you are wrong. 1 + 1 is 11!

 

Have a great weekend.

 

 

SJ…………………………………………………Out!

 

What’s a Billion Anyway?

Maldives: Going, going, gone in 46 days, according to the UN.

See, even these guys are getting out of “Dodge”

Trump sentenced to death by North Korea……..Trump is shaking in his boots over this one. Perhaps this really is a new self defence move he is practicing:

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Take that!

Image result for pics of weird handshakes in asia pacifi meetings\I don’t know what would be worse. To be sent to death by some NK stinkpot or have to wear this:

Another dire prediction comes out of Business Insider. We’re Fooked as a planet by…………you guessed it……………………..100 years from, now. So let’s start donating gazillion dollars to third world dictators run by the UN’s climate fund. Yup, even these guys are excited about it. Or are they just excited about their new washroom logo. Hey I have to take a “dump.” “Which way to the wo-or – mans washroom. I’ll keep the lid down after I go. I promise.” eeee gads.

Stick to business guys and stop trying to save the planet one stool at a time.

 

a group of people standing in front of a television

There is a God after all.

Robert Mugabe, 93, and the UN’s latest goodwill ambassador is apparently under house arrest in what appears to be a coup of some sorts in Mugabe’s Zimbabwe, His wife was seen fleeing to Namibia. “No story here” she touted. “Just going on a shopping spree. Tell my babe-we, my Muga-babe that I’ll be home for dinner. Now how many Ak 47’s did he want anyway?”

Soldiers take over ZBC – Zimbabwe’s state broadcaster. We here in Canada should be so lucky! Take note CBC!

Eatery in Chicago protested by cultural miss-appropriationists because it is not Mexican enough. No the owners are of Korean and Filipino descent, providing affordable meals starting at 7 bucks. Not good enough these SJWs commented. We want Mexican, Tacos, Nachos, Burritos. Black Olives Matter you know. Besides, they don’t provide free Keopectate to consumers after a meal, like the Mexican restaurants do.

“Can I have the Burrito Combo. You know a burrito and a Molotov Cocktail?” Someone SJW was heard to order. A dangerous combination!

Venezuela economic failure and humanitarian crisis. This is where the NDP’s Leap Manifesto and other radical left-wing policies want to take us:

Image result for pics of venezuela crisis

All in their delusional effort to save the planet from ourselves. Wow!

It appears Canada’s finance minister – More-Dough – gets teary eyed while watching the  Lindsay Lohan “Parent Trap” movie with his family. I had only one word to say when I heard that one……………….”We’re doomed.” Oops that’s two words, but who says I am wrong here with the new math. See Monday’s post. Perhaps 1 + 1 is 11!

Oh, this is a good one: Typical Liberal financial smoke and mirrors:

Result Anticipated: Balance the budget over the long-term and continue to reduce the debt-to-GDP ratio. Italics are mine:
As noted in the 2017 Fall Economic Statement, the fiscal framework does not forecast a balanced budget in 2019/20. Important fiscal investments were made to kick-start the economy, support the middle class and address the long-term challenges that were limiting Canada’s potential – tax, tax, tax. more-dough for those Liberal Twins More-dough and True-dough. Especially True dough’s home cabinet drawers.

Canada is now seeing the strongest economic growth in the G7 and increased consumer and business confidence. Yeah, Italy is a good role model. But mommy my 6 other friends at school have all jumped off the financial cliff, so why can’t I? As a result, the current fiscal track shows steady improvements in the Government’s budgetary position along with a continued decline in the federal debt-to-GDP ratio. But it’s still debt you morons………..The Government will maintain this downward deficit and debt ratio track – preserving Canada’s low-debt advantage for current and future generations. Oh you mean Generation Screwed!……………………………Geesh!

That’s just the Feds. Now this coming from a province near you:

The official balance sheets of provinces across the country mask billions of dollars in debt related to a series of megaproject follies being pursued by provincial governments and government-owned power utilities. While their debt doesn’t officially appear on provincial balance sheets, taxpayers will be left footing the bill when the electricity rates needed to pay them off become so economically crippling and politically unpalatable that they will require a bailout.

The province(s) will hide that debt from its own balance sheet through a series of accounting and regulatory maneuvers.

It’s called the “Smoke and Mirrors” economic policy. That Keynesian shyte didn’t work so we have all decided to adopt the Venezuela model” one financial minister was heard to say.

Do you know what one billion is?

  • A billion seconds ago it was 1959;
  • A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive;
  • A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age;
  • A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our governments spends it.

Now think about our debt to GDP ratio. That would probably take us back to the “Big Bang.” You know that shower of celestial natural gas shyte that exploded way back when and started all of this current shower of shyte that we are experiencing.

Canada has already given away about $3 Billion dollars to the UN’s climate change green fun…er fund. That equates to Jesus and two of his brothers or sisters.

Man, my head hurts

Show me the money (Zero Hedge)

30 million Americans who woke perfectly healthy yesterday morning are now suddenly in need of expensive hypertension treatments after the American Heart Association and the American College of Cardiology decided to lower the definition of “high blood pressure” to 130/80 from the previous trigger of 140/90.  According to Reuters, the change means that nearly 50% of American adults, or roughly 100 million people, now suffer from high blood pressure.

Colonoscopies are next!

 

Someone asked me once how can I come up with stuff everyday – well Monday to Friday anyway. This being the human condition it is very EASY. Daily news is the gift to me that just keeps on giving.

Don’t worry, be happy.

 

This from our fake news file, comes this from 1966. The Kinks were so far ahead of their times:

 

 

SJ……………………………………………………………………Out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

From the Headlines

Image result for pics of maldives beaches                                                Maldives will last to Infinity

Can’t make this stuff up. Taken from today’s headlines:

  • Meghan Markle leaving suits? I didn’t know she wore one. BTW, who the F%$K is Meghan Markle;
  • No Man’s Land. An Island where women rule. Can I move there?;
  • From the classy sports role model file: Ex CFL’er charged with murder. Must have played for the Argooooooos;
  • Brits all in a tizzy because Prince Harry dared to sport a…wait for it….beard during the Remembrance Day ceremony. Y’know, with all the crap going on in the UK with terrorists etc. you would think that the Brits would have something better to do than bitch about this. Hey, just think of all those face follicle challenged male Muslims out there. C’mon;
  • Rare disease turns man to stone. Not funny says Stone Cold Steve Austin;
  • Trudeau concerned about human rights…………………………….SO?? Bahhahahahahahahahahahahahahah;
  • COP 23 tents in Bonn heated by…………………………………….Diesel Generators;
  • Are Rehab Addict Star’s personal problems hurting the show? We don’t know but when asked they couldn’t find her as she was reported to be in rehab!;
  • Pre-historic Georgian Jars hold clue to 8,000 year old wine. Yup, its vinegar all right, laced with water. That and Cheerios are said to have been a deadly combination that killed the Swiss Neanderthal guy on the glacier;
  • What’s it like growing up with 5 mothers……………………..Oedipus hell!;
  • Man donates liver to woman. She gives it back. Her last words were heard to be: “I hate liver, especially with onions;”
  • Scratching you ass and wiggling your balls is a sign of Alzheimer’s. One can’t tell the front from the back or so they say;
  • Actress has a message for misogynist sexists………………………..call me!;
  • People with a history of “self-mutilation,” bipolar disorder, depression and drug and alcohol abuse can now seek waivers to join the Army…Great, there’s no life like it, like it, like it, like it. No, yes! NO, YES!. On another note:
  • Judge Blocks Trump’s Ban on Transgender Troops in Military; Just what we need. There is no life like it…thank gawd for that!;
  • Tesla battery production releases as much CO2 as 8 years of driving  petro fuelled car. As usual the lefties have their heads in the sand;
  • NYT op-ed, from the identity politics file: “Can my children play with white kids.” Yes Virginia because children are colour blind!;
  • Heard in passing: “Hey, I need help. I’m a white Caucasian Canadian trapped inside a Filipino’s body!. Yeah, and I feel like a ham on cheese sandwich…right now! (thanks to Maggie’s Farm)…………Geesh;
  • Oh the horror of it all: two black men elected to public office in Connecticut…as Republicans!;

Where are his hands?

He has a smile on his face. Same with Hilarious.

  • US should adopt the Canadian model for free health care….no, don’t even think about it as it sucks. My son waited 9 months for a varicose vein operation, even after having been told he was at the top of the priority list for the operation. Canadians remain delusional to think that their health care system is the best in the world. BTW, I pay $250 per month in health care premiums for a service that only covers non elective treatment. “Yeah but it is universal” some stupid Canadian was heard to say. “Yes, universally bad. It is the shits for everyone!”
  • University students want “napping stations.” Say no more. Do they want a blankie as well?;
  • Canada is going to change some of the lyrics to their two most famous national anthems: true-dope strong and free as well as the Cannabis Leaf Forever!”

 

Can’t make this stuff up.

 

SJ……………………………………………………..Out

 

 

Monster Mash

Maldives?? Over and out of here until Nov 12th….Can’t wait.

 

Tunnel Collapses at North Korean nuclear blast site. Kim Flung Poos reaction:

Launch? I said lunch - Launch? I said lunch Hungry Kim Jong UnHaving a blast over this latest mishap:

Image result for pics of kim un        Let Slim show ya!     

You’re supposed to be going the other way. No wonder your tests are so screwed up.

Holly’s Woody in the Morning’s House of Cards collapsing all around them. Weinstein, now Spacey, who’s next. “Sex in the City?” Everyone’s coming out of their closets now………………..Yeah I says.

The fun loving Trump Family in costume to greet kids on the front lawn of the White House.

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Whoever dressed as the Pope nailed it. Same with the Pope’s mother. Who’s the dude in that family portrait?

Another scary leader:

Image result for funny Pics of Trudeau costumes\And his stoner family:

Image result for pics of the trailer park boys

 

Lesbians everywhere…..Unite:

A feminist professor at Occidental College recently argued that men must renounce their masculinity and “denounce anyone who chooses to identify with it.” Calling masculinity a “dangerous idea,” Wade argues that, “The problem is not toxic masculinity; it’s that masculinity is toxic,” adding that masculinity is “simply not compatible with liberty and justice for all.” Wade concludes her essay by urging people to “call masculinity out as a hazardous ideology and denounce anyone who chooses to identify with it,” saying that doing so is crucial for “gender revolution.”

Yeah, and reducing the gene pool. Another candidate for a Darwin Award I would hazard to guess.

From the “This is Madness” file comes this:

British ISIS jihadis returning from Syria ‘to be offered tax-payer funded council homes and counselling to stop them attacking the UK’

The plans – code-named Operation Constrain – could see returning ISIS fanatics jump to the top of council house waiting lists and offered counselling.

Yeah, that’ll work. Turns out that the Trudeau Liberal Government’s policy in handing out millions of dollars to potentially questionable dudes was used as a model for this initiative. We’ll have to wait and see how this turns out. Turns out that the city of London is now twinned with Sacramento, Capital of the Moonbat State.

Happy Halloween everyone:

Enjoy! A Canadian Hoser’s Halloween night.

SJ……………………………Out