Category: A Very Short Story

From the Short Story Vault

M and Ms

79 more days until Maldives is historeeeeee, says the UN:

Image result for pics maldivesMaldives today

 

It is getting  really bad out there:  The Toronto District School Board is completing a phase-out of the word “chief” from job titles, out of respect for Indigenous people. Titles such as chief financial officer, chief academic officer and chief communications officer will see the word “chief” removed and replaced with “manager” or something similar. The changes include 12 chief positions in the professional support services department where the word manager is now used. “The work began a few years ago and is now concluding,” TDSB spokesman Ryan Bird said. The real scandal here folks is that it took them a few years to come up with this decision. A FEW YEARS? How much did that cost?

I guess the word “How” is next!

My question. What about the military. No More Chief Petty Officer, Chief Warrant Officer? Commander in Chief? No more “hey Chief, what’s up today. Hey Manager” just doesn’t have the same ring to it. Or “Hey Mang or Hey Manage”…Geesh. While were at it let’s get rid of the name Indigenous, or First Nations,or Aboriginals, or Indians, or the Redman and call everyone………..Canadian, without any hyphens. Hey how about calling them the “Big Kahunas” or “Shit Disturbers”

Weinstein. Love this:

 

Weinstein and Holly’s Woody in the Morning was built to keep the silence. Weinstein brought Holly’s Woody in the Morning to a whole new level.

Weinstein off to Europe for sex addiction rehab. Where Sweden? Germany’s Reeperbahn? Amsterdam’s Canal Street? Sex addiction rehab? Sounds oxymoronic to me. How’s that going to stack up? It’s like taking coal to Newcastle. Forget about us deplorables, eh Weinstein?

“I started a petition for the restaurant to remove seal meat from the menu because it is sourced by the commercial hunt and not the indigenous hunt.” A dead animal — albeit a delicious one — is still a dead animal, and it’s no more righteously dead depending on the race of the person who killed it. Hey where’s the Chief Cook here? I’m sure the seal knew that as well. The restaurant is named Ku-Kum Kitchen for a reason. After all of this mayhem they are going to change the name to Sku-Kum!

SJWs are always so concerned about paternalism and colonialism, but here they are with their animal rights colonialism trying to tell an aboriginal entrepreneur what to do with his own business. Do Black Olives come with that seal steak? You know Black Olives Matter to all SJWs.

 

Image result for pics of trudeau and pipelines

I have a dream. That the world will be rid of pipelines. That baristas and joints will be the order of the day and on every street corner. In the villages, in the towns, in our cities, across our great land. Yes…I have a dream. That the grass will always better in BC. I had a dream….and it was sooo cool….man!

Trudeau’s war on oil and gas is hitting BC hard 0- 60B and counting. Only one more to seal (see above) the deal. Cancel Kinder Morgan. Yeees I had that dream too…and it was a nightmare!

 

Why is Lake Superior’s water level so high? We’ve gotten a lot of rain and snow in recent years. But the Strib hints at a darker possibility:

“Is it climate change? Or is it just a cyclical thing?” Buck wondered aloud. “What can we do? What can we expect?”

But wait! Just a few short years ago, we were told that Lake Superior was drying up, as water levels were, for a while, below average. What caused the level of the Great Lakes to fall? Climate change, of course. And low levels, like high levels, are bad.

“It’s the Goldilocks Syndrome I tells ya,” some hick from rural Wisconsin touted.

 

California’s climate change alarmist Governor Jerry Brown is thrilled at more laws in the state being passed with the ultimate goal of phasing out vehicles that run on fossil fuels:

California power              Image result for pic of hamster on a treadmill

Utility Company

is on the go!

Yeah, that’ll work in the Moonbat State.

 

Bitcoin, Climate Change and now Shit-coin: all crypto currencies or the currency of the damned!

Eminem: In what is perhaps the fiercest and the most exhaustive attack against Donald Trump in hip-hop, Eminem “came to stomp” Tuesday night, calling the President everything from “Donald the b—-” to a “racist grandpa” in an explosive 4.5-minute freestyle rap. “That’s how he gets his rocks off and he is orange….”say what.

This from a guy who hails from that mecca of urban righteousness and renewal….Detroit! Or the guy(Slim Shady) who presents a video showing a woman taking a dump and wiping her ass. Yeah, that’s real visual art man…..shitty!

Oh Lord hear my prayer. Please give us back Hendrix and we’ll give you Eminem.

And here, all this time, I thought they were referring to candy called            Em – n –  Ems. I like the yellow ones best!

 

 

SJ……Out….Have a great weekend.

 

1.5 Hour Work Week!

According to the UN, there are just 81 more days until the Maldives disappear due to Global Warming and Climate Change

Maldives today

Image result for pics of the maldivesBe scared, be very, very scared…of the UN!

 

The new, old TV program, “The Good Doctor” has been given a full season…great, can’t wait. Is this “The Good Wife’s” offspring or a regurgitation of “Dougie Hauser, MD.” C’mon guys get original here. We are not stupid. I pray for a miracle continually: “Please God give us back “Breaking Bad” and we’ll give you “The Good Doctor.”

New Canadian $20 coin honouring “snowflakes” everywhere. Millennials should buy this up fast. But snow is white. It is white privilege I tell you.” Shame on you Canada. Change the name immediately to “blow.” At $20 a crack, This Blow Matters.

News Flash: “New California law allows jail time for using wrong gender pronoun, sponsor denies that would happen. “Yes, Zir, no zir, your shit-bags full zir is zall I have to zay about zat. It is really a German pronoun you know” the government official stated.  A major San Andreas fault event can’t come soon enough. Yes, more on LGBTABCDEFHIJKLMNOPQURSTUVWXYZ stuff as most of northern California is burning.

Washington Post caption to the picture below: “Emissions spew out of a large stack at the coal-fired Morgantown Generating Station on Oct. 10, 2017 in Newburg, Maryland.” Dirty dirty, dirty coal. But you see the two stacks on the right are old stacks, decommissioned, while the one on the left is a new generation scrubber stack which extracts just about all of the dirty stuff. What you see there is clean steam arising. But the environ-mentals will not mention that dirty little secret.

NATO is there to protect Canada if North Korea poses a threat….hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah….Oh, you mean these guys:

Image result for pics of north korean hats

Yeah right and the UN is going to admit that Climate Change was an elaborate hoax. As I remember NATO stands for North Atlantic Treaty Organization. Last time I checked North Korea was nowhere near the North Atlantic. But hey, who am I to judge an organization that is broad on politics but widely illiterate on geography. All Canada needs to do to take out these guys is an effective electron-magnet.

Wow. What’s good for the gander is bad for the goose, or so the saying goes. York school board takes down school’s 43-year-old totem pole after one complaint lodged. Try doing that out here in BC and you will be in for one huge native insur-erection.

Canadian Liberals lied after blowing budget to lecture TRUMP. They meant snow rather than blow but that is so white privilege that they changed the wording somewhat. “Apparently their noses were out of joint,” one official snorted.

Truth and Reconciliation committee announces a $750M payout to Indigenous people who as children were forced out of their family situations to adoption and therefore lost contact with their culture. Truth and Reconciliation is Canadian Liberal code for “the Gift that keeps on giving.” When is this going to end? On the one hand living in an isolated community in an area whose only claim to fame is the size of the black flies and mosquitos is terrible for youth suicides, drunkenness and domestic violence, while on the other hand taking them away from this toxic environment is akin to genocide and a blatant attack by racist governments on their culture. It is a win, win situation for the Indigenous people and a lose lose situation for the government of any day, today and for generations of governments to come….Geesh.

Death of the “Energy East Project” puts New Brunswick’s economy at risk. Who or what is a New Brunswick? They manufacture pool tables don’t they? They have an economy? They’re liberal are they not? End of story. But they do have Quebec’s raw sewage to contend with. “Shit happens man and it flows downstream to the place of least resistance – New Brunswick. From one liberal shit riding to another. Who cares?” a Liberal insider was heard to comment on the situation.

Angela Merkel won again. Someone said she is far right. No she is far out man!

Sweden starts a “Death Cleaning” initiative. De-cluttering your stuff before you depart. Wow. I do believe Sweden is twinned with California.

Macron is in big trouble with his constituents. How do you spell France? G…R…E…E…C…E.  Like Greece, French workers are ticked about their 1.5 hour work week. It is too much to ask, s’il vous plate!

 

SJ…..Out…Bon Jour aujourd weed

 

 

It Was All His Fault

It was all his fault:

  • Hurricanes Irma and Harvey;
  • Katrina too
  • Spain’s 50% youth unemployment
  • Italy’s “boo, hoo, hoo”
  • The poor and the hungry
  • And the Asian Flu
  • All of the above
  • Can be blamed on you!
  • You must be a genius
  • In driving this zoo.
  • It must be the hair
  • That carries you through

Amazing what you have done in just 9 months in office. Wow!

 

Have a great weekend

 

SJ…………out!

 

Flush Twice

Well, Turd-dope must be happy today. Same with McKenna, Butts, Weaver and Horgan. Trans-Canada pipeline and Energy East is bailing. Getting out of Canada. Too bloody riskaaay here for business. So, here we are a country rich in natural resources that could be energy independent but no, no,  noo, Canadians being so smug we are going to save the planet at the expense of our own economic well-being and continue to import unethical dirty oil from the middle east.

Energy East faced intense opposition in Quebec, where the province’s premier said the line posed a significant risk to its freshwater resources.

Mayor of a major Quebec City was heard to say at a photo-op recently near a city outfall on the St Laurence River not too long ago: “Energy East posed just too high of an environmental risk to our fresh water resources here. Oh, s’cuse me, s’cuse me for one moment guys” he interrupted the reporters. “Okay guys open up those flood gates and turn on the pumps. High volume. Get that shit out of here NOW,” as 2 gazillion litres of raw sewage was pumped into the river. Now get those pumps going full tilt as it’s a long way to the east coast.”

He then told all of the residents of the city to flush twice!

Canadians are really bad with math. We have embraced the new math as well. You know the new math recently discovered by archeologists. It is so up there with the math that Canadians value:

The 3,700-year-old Babylonian tablet Plimpton 322 at the Rare Book and Manuscript Library at Columbia University in New York.

You know the one:                        1 + 1 = 3

Its called Self Destructive Math.

Investment / Innovation / Entrepreneurs = strong economy = good paying jobs = good revenue stream = good tax base = great social programs = great quality of life.

Yeah, but with the new economy we’ll have barista and joints on every street corner in Canada. Instead of smelling the roses I can’t wait to smell the grass man.

This equation is so simple yet something our politicians and so-called leaders can never seem to grasp. Their math is the new math which is out of whack with just about everything else. But then again, we being Canadians, we are smarter than everybody else. Reminds me of a Kink’s song:

Speaking of the middle eastern culture, this just in: seen on a beach somewhere on the French Riviera. This year’s Miss Muslim Worlds…three contestants of this years burqa wearing segment. Representing which countries? Well we just do not know.

It was very difficult one judge was heard to say. There was no clear winner here! I think the new rules starting with the 2020 Miss Muslim Worlds will see some colour coordination during the contest. Whew!

 

Another WHY, WHY, WHY OH WHY moment. They’re bringing back Rosanne. I guess we just have not had enough with the gay, now transgendered lifestyle being rammed down our throats and other places in our body mystique. Will and Grace returns, now Rosanne and her totally dysfunctional family. Only this time we are going to have a grandchild character who is “Gender Fluid.” Gender fluid? What does that mean someone asked someone from Holly’s Woody in the Morning” crowd. “Well like, you see like it’s like this man like, or is it a woman like, or perhaps a boy or maybe a girl like or like zey, zirt or like zits buddy-ess likeness…wow”

Say what?

“Oh I get it, Gender Fluid is like as in Trans-mission fluid like, to keep that engine going like..hot.”

“Hey that’s cool. Transmission Fluid. I like that, like maybe for next falls lineup.? Cool. perhaps a new action drama like in:

“Trans Mission Impossible”

Somali refugee charged with Edmonton terror attack was a refugee but he was a Canadian refugee, so that’s better an official was heard to say. “Well how do you know that?” a reported deemed to ask. “Well, hahhahaha, he yelled, hahahahahah….. Alahu Akbar eh? as he was mowing down pedestrians. So funny eh?”

Trudeau’s response to this attack: “we have to embrace diversity, openness. Yes, we have all kinds of terrorists here in Canada. Not just Somalis. No, no, no, but we embrace diversity so we’ll allow these guys and gals to come in here from anywhere in the world because, like all things, Canada is the world’s first post national state……………….of chaos.

Gawd, where’s Maxwell Smart when you need him!

Leafs win their first game of the 80 plus game season. Quick, somebody, organize the parade now!

Trudeau also booed on Parliament Hill by Indigenous women on the Murdered and Missing Women Inquiry, which has been going on now for over 2 years and is in serious trouble. 7 officials resigned already for reasons unknown.

“We want more transparent….money. Rack up our per diem…now!” they chanted to wild cheering.”

 

 

SJ………………………Out