Category: A Very Short Story

From the Short Story Vault

Advent

Advent: beautiful and wonderful time of the year!

 

And on another note: White milk no longer in vogue due to its white privilege undertones, er overtones. Chocolate milk is making a huge comeback but Black Lives Matter are having convulsions over this new trend. PETA has also soured on this new food guide development. Just wait a couple of weeks PETA and you can have all the sour milk you want!

To all men out there: be afraid, be very, very afraid. I looked at a woman about 20 years ago – yeah, yeah, I know – and I am scared faceless in being hauled in front of a feminist tribunal for my dastardly actions of harassment. If they find out that is. Be very, very afraid.

It may be time to ditch the Internet and listen to the beautiful hymn above.

 

Latest: Dustin Hoffman – some 32 years ago……………………Geesh.

 

SJ…………………………………….Out

Pigeons and Statues

Maldives: 26 days to go until nada thing left of the Maldives, according to the UN.

 

Dealing with a family emergency. Repeat post from last August (with some updates):

Pigeon Lovers Unite!

If you start taking down statues, what are the poor pigeon’s going to do? I think that pigeon lovers everywhere should march and protest this blatant act of cruelty to animals. Where is PETA when the going gets tough?

Would you rather have this:

Or this:

There are unintended consequences you know. So, Antifa, BLM, PRIDE and all you SJWs out there be very careful what you wish for. Be very, very careful.  This could be your car!

More bodies found on glacier, Mont Blanc, France. One French official was heard to state that “this is a real cold case.”  Activists are upset as Mount Blanc is a symbol of white privilege, white supremacism. Never mind the poor bastards who died there. No, they want the name changed to “Mount This Will Ya France.”

Social media split on Swift’s new song. First of all, who is Swift? Secondly, who gives a rats ass about her new song? Thirdly, the Musak industry is all in a tizzy over this as this song really, really sucks.

Latest Darwin runner-up award: Woman falls while taking a selfie with a drone. Now runner up’s for this award are those people who demonstrate awesome stupidity but for whatever reason fail to diminish the gene pool by taking themselves off of the ranks of the living…too bad.

Mysterious tablet discovered. New math secrets revealed as in:

The 3,700-year-old Babylonian tablet Plimpton 322 at the Rare Book and Manuscript Library at Columbia University in New York.

1 + 1 = 3  Yikes! Or 1 + 1 = 11; or 2 + 2 = 22

Apple wants to market it as the new IMath! I knew that all along. I could have been a math contender if this had come out when I was in school.

Oh yeah. Surprise comment of the week: Hurricane Harvey caused by Climate Change, and, It is TRUMP’s fault.

Jewish activists target New York’s Peter Stuyvesant Statues. Targeting a statue to a cigarette?  C’mon guys, let’s get real here!

Another candidate(s) for a runner-up status of the Darwin Stupidity Award:
“Authorities shut down the scheduled performance by Los Angeles act Allah-Las at a 1,000-person capacity club called Maassilo. The band’s name has attracted some unwanted attention in the Muslim world. Band members say they selected the name Allah, Arabic for the Muslim deity, because they wanted something that sounded “holy.” Lead singer Miles Michaud said: “We get emails from Muslims, here in the U.S. and around the world, saying they’re offended, but that absolutely wasn’t our intention.”
Maybe you guys should have called yourselves the “Sermon on the Rock n Rollers.” Hmmm? Just sayin. “Just because we know how to rock doesn’t mean we are smart.” One of the band members was heard to say. Taylor Swift nodded in agreement.

There is just so much craziness a person can handle these days.

 

 

SJ………….Out!

The Devil Is In The Details

Family emergency so new posts will have to wait for awhile. From an earlier post but still relevant today: Oh wait. How are the Maldives doing?

Image result for pics of the maldives Whew! They are still there IPCC.

 

The Trudeau Government or the Devil’s Brigade

From the CBC files (Oct 24 2016). My comments are in italics:

Minister of health wants to change the food guide… code for I know what’s best for Canadians…she doesn’t.

Health Minister Jane Philpott said the “iconic” Canada Food Guide has not kept up with the country’s changing demographics and lifestyles…Code for we have to control everything Canadian’s eat.

Philpott said the guide must be “relevant and practical” and provide advice for Canadians whether they are shopping at the grocery store or looking at a restaurant menu. It must be individualized and adaptable for food preferences and sensitivities, she said…. because we Canadians are soooo stupid!

Sasha McNicoll, co-ordinator of the Coalition for Healthy School Food, urged the federal government to fund a school food program in every school in the country as a way to ensure kids are eating nutritious food… because, you know, their parents are pigging out on Doritos;

“I think it’s only fair for the people who are selling food to be able to have opportunity to comment in terms of what the impact might be on them,” she said….ah yes the “transparency” word again.

“But they will not have impact on the advice given in the guide…”  say what? That’s like saying we’re going to ban candy bars while legalizing marijuana.  Oh wait! Are we sooo stupid as a society here in Canada. Are they serious.

A group representing the sector said the industry is already taking steps to encourage Canadians to make more informed, healthy food choices, and said it is “keen” to ensure further steps are taken…like making a turnip(rude-baker) taste like a Mars Bar.

Philpott said the Healthy Canada strategy has three pillars:

  • Healthy minds, including new initiatives to improve mental health…Hey man, I just read a book called the Stoner’s Life. It’s Canada’s guide to healthy toking;
  • Healthy living, including promotion of physical activity and fitness and new rules to deter smoking and vaping… I know what you’re thinkin Virginia, but takin Marijuana is not smoking, it’s tokin; and
  • Healthy eating, including the updated food guide and new labelling and marketing rules…for the Canadian Weed Guide…hey man can I have a toke.

“It can improve their health and it can improve their education outcomes,” she told CBC News. “An investment now can help children develop better eating habits into adulthood and that will hopefully save in health-care costs down the road.”…like, because, like, their parents are like sooo stupid y’know and like haven’t a clue, so we, like, have to step in and like save them from themselves whether they like it or not! Like y’know what I mean man…like c’mon pass the weed man.

We are doomed. The Devil’s Brigade is at it again.

 

Have a great weekend. Until Monday.

 

SJ………………………………..Out

 

 

All Right Now…Baby It’s a…….

Let’s See?

Image result for pics of amldivesWhew! It’s still there. Thought for a minutes the UN was right to predict the Maldives would be underwater by Jan 1 2018. Nope, still there with 33 days to go.

From a post last year. Sorry, posts will be down as I am dealing with a sickness in the family:

Don’t you know:

  1. Climate change is a  feminist movement. Why, because it’s always changing man…..;
  2. Carbon is a transgendered element of the Periodic Table. It is stuck between that borion “B” and that nitrogen-der;
  3. Cow farts and flatulence contributes to Global Warming and is therefore a masculine threat. Why? Because women never, ever fart. And if they do their farts never stink. It must be stamped out immediately. See #1 above;
  4. The other day an activist told me that Archimedes worked for big oil. This was in response to a discussion I had with him that he needn’t worry about major flooding and sea level rising if the Arctic Ice Cap melts
  5. Eureka! The Arctic Ice Cap is not melting. It’s expanding. It must be a feminist movement as well. “Am I getting bigger. Do I look fat to you honey?;”
  6. Global Warming causes hot summer weather;
  7. Global Warming causes cold, frigid winter weather;
  8. Frigidity is a feminist movement and must be stamped out at all costs;
  9. Global cooling is therefore, a feminist threat, and must be met with #3 above;
  10. Under peer review, as temperatures rise the warming effects of global warming will offset the cooling effects of global cooling as a result of the global warming. Got that? Yeah? cool! Chill man, er woman, er ne, ve or ze, er wo…oops…man
  11. Pesticides found in Marijuana! Ban marijuana now before it kills us;
  12. Pot for kids! Ban pot now because you can’t call the kettle back;
  13. Under the new marijuana legislation, every pot has a lid man, er women, er ne,ve or ze!;
  14. Heaven help us if the kids are our future…see #12 above;
  15. Hooray for natural gas…see #3 above.
  16. Liquid natural gas? Well a good dose of Keopectate will take care of that;
  17. Greenpeace and US activists protest First Nation sponsored aqua-culture…What?;
  18. Ne, Ve or Ze are Clockwork Oranges.
  19. Smoking kills but smoking pot is alright now man. It’s out of sight, out of mind, and out of body; and
  20. Thank God that I will be dead soon…see #s 19,14 and 12 above.

Madness!

 

SJ……………………………………..Out

Ice Rinks

Another dire prediction: Russian Orthodox church weighs in: End of history is near, or nigh, or bye bye? What does Bill Nigh have to say:

Image result for pics of bill nigh the science guyNews to me!

Seems Richard Branson is the latest sex guy. From reading it would appear that all he did was admire one of his guest’s breasts, didn’t touch them, then made some sort of grrrrr sound and that was it. Sexual assault allegation for something that occurred 7 years ago. Now, I think what is going on in Hollywood and other places is disgusting but hey guys, stop ogling or you might be next. Geesh. Yeah, I remember vaguely looking at some attractive woman 10 years ago. I am worried sick about it now.

Will be kind of slow over the next few weeks with a repeat of some of my better posts. Sickness in the family. Can’t do much until that is resolved.

Before I go just a quick reminder. Maldives gone in 34 days:

Image result for pics of maldivesLet’s partay!

Argooos win Grey Cup or in case you missed it:  Coupe de Grey – it’s Canada after all. Not bad for a team that went 9-9. Unbelievable but then again this is the CFL.

Let’s see now: Friday was “Black Friday,” Today is “Cyber Monday” so tomorrow it will be “Tapped Out Tuesday.” Can’t wait.

I think Ottawa is tapped out now:

skating rink

Parliament Hill ice rink cost us $5.2M bucks. And it’s only open for a few weeks then closed. Oh, and there are so many restrictions in its use to be laughable: no eating, no drinking, no shinny, no twirlings, no power skating, no hockey, no skating hand in hand, no walking, no sliding, falling is prohibitive. You have to reserve a spot 48 hours in advance of your use, huge security checkup in the same vein as airport security and guess what? In typical government fashion, skate blades are a banned item when going through security so……………………….NO SKATING ALLOWED. Only in Canada you say….shitty.

And, as only a government agency can do, I can’t wait to see how they are going to screw up marijuana use. Don’t worry, some guy said, “The government ice skating rink oversight board members were all stoned when they came up with this one and made the rules. We believe in inclusivity. We were all stoned. Not just one or two of us. All of us! Diversity is our strength, don’t you know.”

Probably turn out to be hashish!…………..Geesh

Meanwhile, across the street and down a block or two, the City of Ottawa has this:

Image result for pics of rideau canal skating

Largest outdoor skating rink in the world…FREEEEEEEEEE.

“Yes,” an official was heard to say. “But we love redundancy hence the parliament hill ice rink.”

We are doomed, screwed and tattooed. Yes they, the government, has an app for that too. But it will cost you.

Few pointers for your consideration:

  • Science is all about white privilege;
  • Snow is a good example of white supremacy;
  • Mount Blanc will have to change its name as it is a trigger;
  • Archimedes works for Big Oil;
  • A girl scout is suing the Girl Guides for $30M. Girl Guide cookie factories ramping up to 24/7 operations in response;
  • Girl Scouts want to be boy scouts. The Boy Scouts cannot wait for the first sleep-over;
  • Canadian Gov’t increasing annual deficit. Our gov’t doesn’t seem to worry about debt so why should I;
  • While the world is going to hell in a hand basket, Canadian politicians and Human Rights officials want to ban the use of indigenous names – like the Cleveland Indians, Chicago Black Hawks etc. Some politicians even find the Edmonton Eskimo’s football team’s name offensive. To Whom?? They don’t tell us that! But mark my words, Eskimo Pies will be next! Ban refrigerants! Argon! Heck, let’s do away with the entire Periodic Table as it was built by Big Oil;
  • CFCs were banned in the 80s. Now HFCs in the 2016s. KFC is next! After that “Water Vapour” as it is a major factor in the world’s climate, perhaps argon as well;
  • Moon craters forming faster than we thought. Caused by Solar Warming. In response, President Obama directed the Federal Government to come up with a plan to deal with “space weather” to mitigate the increase in moon crater formation. UN calls for first MOP conference to deal with this important development – Moonbats of Parties – to be held in Las Vegas later this year. Cost will be in the gazillions!

Happy Monday

Argoos win Coupe de Gris or Grey Cup. Only in Canada would one have a sports title like that.

 

SJ……………………………………….Out